your local hellspawn!

I have to pummel you because you are a simpleton. Sorry

what

See what I mean? Prepare yourself

A PORN BOT UNFOLLOWED ME?

the thing is. you couldn't fucking write this. not even in my wildest dreams did i ever think yeah dan and phil are gonna hard launch and then announce a podcast called hard launch and then the next day they post a selfie in bed and then the next day dan tweets fifty times in one afternoon joking about breaking up and then the next day they're spotted filming at the london eye and then the next day they make their first red carpet appearance in seven years and it's at a gay bdsm film and then the next day it's october 19th and then the next day the first episode of the podcast comes out and they talk about a previously untold gay scandal anecdote

and then dan posts a story about how they were "accidentally" giving sub/dom vibes at the gay bdsm film premiere

AND THEN THEY POST A SELFIE ON FUCKING OCTOBER 19TH FROM THE FUCKING LONDON EYE

and then they make a tiktok with a popular couple questions trend in which they answer that dan was interested first and they think phil said i love you first although they're not sure

and then they post the london eye video and it turns out to be a whole ass anniversary vlog and the staff at the eye recognize them and upgrade them to the cupid's pod experience for free and then they get white girl wasted on garlic shots and heavily imply they fucked at the end of that vlog

and then they do spooky week and they go ghost hunting and they dress up as slutty cat and bear for halloween

the thing is. you couldn't fucking write this. not even in my wildest dreams did i ever think yeah dan and phil are gonna hard launch and then announce a podcast called hard launch and then the next day they post a selfie in bed and then the next day dan tweets fifty times in one afternoon joking about breaking up and then the next day they're spotted filming at the london eye and then the next day they make their first red carpet appearance in seven years and it's at a gay bdsm film and then the next day it's october 19th and then the next day the first episode of the podcast comes out and they talk about a previously untold gay scandal anecdote

and then dan posts a story about how they were "accidentally" giving sub/dom vibes at the gay bdsm film premiere

AND THEN THEY POST A SELFIE ON FUCKING OCTOBER 19TH FROM THE FUCKING LONDON EYE

and then they make a tiktok with a popular couple questions trend in which they answer that dan was interested first and they think phil said i love you first although they're not sure

and then they post the london eye video and it turns out to be a whole ass anniversary vlog and the staff at the eye recognize them and upgrade them to the cupid's pod experience for free and then they get white girl wasted on garlic shots and heavily imply they fucked at the end of that vlog

and then they do spooky week and they go ghost hunting and they dress up as slutty cat and bear for halloween

Dan and Phil from 2009-2025

Dan and Phil from 2009-2025