Whining elves
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@tardisdelorean
Whining elves

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Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.
Now in handy infographic form for Tumblr users:
so cool how advanced the algorithm has become, it literally only takes like a decade or more of spying on all my internet activity and then it can expertly curate a selection of 15-20 youtube videos that i don't really want to watch, and then keep showing me those videos over and over again for a week so i can scroll past them again. the future is now
It's extremely funny that there have been multiple writers in multiple mediums who've been allowed to write Wolverine from the X-men who clearly had no idea what a wolverine is and assumed it was a fancy word for "wolf", and at no point did any of the literally dozens of other people involved in bringing their writing to life see fit to challenge this assumption.
Sometimes the rest of the team gets handed a once in a lifetime opportunity to do the funniest thing, and all they have to do is keep their mouths shut long enough for it to go to print.

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The symbiotes from spider man have infinite lesbian porn potential and yet fuckers only make heterosexual doggy style or gay male muscle worship at best. Zero imagination. What a disservice!
It boggles the mind how a concept like "alien tendrils that cover your skin and give you a new identity and make you feel like you're on extacy and give you shapeshifting and superpowers and make you eant to eat people and can transfer thoughts and emotions between hosts" ends up with such basic ass porn. Like, you don't have to be creative? The hard work is already done? Just indulge in the madness!
I know that optics aren’t the worst thing about President 47 but I wanna talk about the optics anyways and his insistence on personally supergluing gold to stuff is kind of a perfect encapsulation of why he’s such a weird phenomenon in presidential history.
Historically, the president of the United States has had the double role of being the executive/military leader of the country and being the spiritual leader of the country. The example of the American family. The (supposedly) humble servant of the American people.
President itself used to be a much more humble word before it got associated with politics. It was the title picked because it was used for stuff like the leader of your local horse riding club or whatever the fuck.
Like even if the president is an evil dirty rotten nepo baby, he’s supposed to be just some guy. A very powerful guy, but still just some guy.
It’s like how during triumph processions in Ancient Rome they had a guy there to whisper in the general’s ear “remember that you are only a man” to remind them that this was a temporary honor and if they got too ambitious they would be put down.
A president needs to be seen shoveling ice cream into his face. A president lives in a relatively tiny apartment above the White House. A president lives in tasteful but relatively humble surroundings. The White House doesn’t belong to him after all. It belongs to us. The Americans. And anything he does to fuck up the White House he’s doing to our goddamned house so he’d better watch himself.
President 47 is an extremely weird case. Because he wants to be a king. Clearly. But the White House is too humble for a king. It’s not a white palace. It’s a White House. Very important distinction. More important than you probably think.
It doesn’t even belong to him though. So he decided to act like it belongs to him anyways. To treat it like a palace. And it looks bad and the courts keep blocking him from building his gaudy ballroom with real gold decorations.
Why the fuck are we paying for real gold decorations? That’s us paying for it. American taxpayers. Why does it need real gold? Genuine question.
It doesn’t. That house doesn’t need a ballroom. It doesn’t need gold. The gold that he’s putting up is being held on by superglue.
Like his design sense is somehow the cheapest looking and most offensively expensive looking “improvements” that have ever been done to the White House.
Previous presidents added like. A basketball court. A vegetable garden. Solar panels. Some offices. You know. Stuff you’d need in a big house that you invite guests into and also functions as a government office space.
This guy is adding… a ballroom? With gold hubcaps on the outside? Why the fuck do you need a ballroom in a house?
Answer: you don’t. You might need one in a palace though.
The message is clear. He’s not even trying to be just some guy. And does that matter?
Probably not as much as a lot of other things that he’s done, but still yes. Because since the very beginning it’s been fully understood that the president of the United States must constantly be reminded that he is but a man. This guy is doing his very best to remove all of those reminders and make himself the cheapest looking expensive palace he can imagine.
God damn the king.
GOD DAMN THE KING has been permanently added into my vocabulary it's lovely to see it back in there for the first time since 1789
anyways...my vampire allegations aside...
@what-even-is-thiss this is an awesome post and a lot of really great insights, I hadn't even fully put together the pieces connecting the presidency to the Roman triumph processions :D
Nearly pissed myself laughing earlier when I saw this absolute Looney Tunes truck attempting to transport an oversized mattress down the road with only a couple tiny bungee cords holding on for dear life, while it ballooned out behind the truck like a drag racing parachute:

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everyone seems to be doing quite well
yaaayyy :D
digital circus painting is finally done!!! This was heavily inspired by Gerald Brom's book The Plucker, which was one of my favs as a kid (≧▽≦) !!
Look, I understand that you're going through some shit, and you know I'll always support you, but I just had to fight your shadow-self in the kitchen. Yeah, I was getting breakfast and the enfleshed eidolon of your existential alienation was shooting, I don't know, some sort of beam.
It banished the Froot Loops to a far and sunless realm. I really wanted those.
#also i recognise that the self that walks in darkness is not inherently any more true than the self that walks in the light#but i've gotta ask: is there something going on that i should know about#like#pronoun-wise?
I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad
Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay

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An unlocked, unguarded door with a sign saying "NO ENTRY, DO NOT OPEN" and it opens up right to a solid brick wall and on the brick wall is a sign saying "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM"
GOUGAR CLAIMS COOL ROCK
God forbid women do anything
She had a good time, too