it's okay to be afraid

‘Why would she take it Rylan? She works here? She’s out to get you. She hates you.’ Rylan hated when the voices spoke over one another. It just made everything all the more confusing. “I can’t find it. Last time I looked it was on my wrist,” he told the woman behind the desk. “If you didn’t take it, what happened to it? What’s going to happen if I don’t have one on?

“Do you remember where you were when you last saw it on?” Tara didn’t want this to escalate. Of course, she could shut the window, but she’d feel a lot better if they could just-- find it. “I don’t know what happened to it. But I have no reason to take it. I’m just a secretary. I believe if you don’t have one, you’ll-- get in trouble-- but I’m sure if we explained that it got lost, we could just get a new one made. If we address it now, it won’t be a problem later, right?”

Alright. Not much has been happening in my little office, so it’s kinda boring, but that’s not always a bad thing.

Gray’s eyes were focused on her movements, trying to imitate them only to end up doing some awkward half-replica of the move. “ Yes please . “ they said, laughing.  

“Alright, you gotta isolate your arms and hips, get the hip rhythm going first. Like, left to right. Then you add the arms, hips into the arms, arms front, other side. It’s supposed to feel stupid, so if you get to that point, you’re probably doing it right.”

“Just say that you ‘remade’ the move. I’m sure it happens in the industry all the time. “ Gray couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from his lips. Being a generally soft spoken individual, he hardly ever spoke or laughed loudly, but Tara’s dance move was so ridiculous that Gray couldn’t help but be amused. “Oh gosh, you look fantastic!”

“Right, sure. Made it less impressive, only ‘cause I’m not Beyonce.” Tara was glad her dance had gone over well. It was such a stupid move, but usually was pretty well received, probably because of that. “It’s my finest skill, I save it for when it’s most needed. Need a quick lesson?”

“Well, I’d say were doing great for not being professionals. I think were meant for this. What say we quit our jobs and run off to become famous? We could make a movie like Step Up or better yet, Footloose.“ Gray joked, laughing as they followed Tara’s movements into the dance floor. It was a lot more awkward, considering this was one of the handful of times he had danced anything that wasn’t the standard slow dance.

“No one can say we’re not creative, at least. Well, actually, I stole the Beyonce move, so I guess they can. They can’t say we’re not brave. Oh, jeez, Footloose just reminds me of this SNL skit from a few months ago. I’d imitate it, but it’s not as funny without all the context.” She hesitated a moment once they were submerged in the crowd, then broke out that horrible multi-step arm-swinging thrusting move. It was hard to resist, since they were clearly not proud of anything that was happening.

I needed a job. A good one. Clean money, no discomfort or resentment. I’m not especially skilled or passionate about much, so I figured typing wouldn’t be bad. Found an opening for a secretary and it pays pretty well. It’s a nice place to start out.

Gaining confidence from her react, Gray could feel himself loosening up, his initial tension slowly drifting away. It was a nice surprise, considering he was almost certain she was going to regret saying yes to dance. Overthinking as usual, "Well I say flailing works. Anything works as long as you have fun, right?“ Gray responded with a. laugh. 

“Great! Just be warned, I’m not a very good dancer. The only move I know is what I believe people call  ‘the shimmy’ ’’ Upon saying that, they went ahead and awkwardly showed the dance they claimed they knew.

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t have too many ideas for this type of-- dancing situation. So it’ll probably be random and include at least some flailing.” Tara raised her eyebrows at the other’s display. She let out a barking laugh, nodding enthusiastically. “That was-- fantastic. Encore!”

✴︎ — “ Still more than just typing. ”

“Yeah, but still not enough for anyone to yell at me. Only super-influential people should be complained to. Though preferably still without yelling. Anyway-- is there something I can do for you?”

✴︎ — “ Pretty sure you do more than type. ”

“I update charts and files, schedules, answer phones-- but I’m not in charge of anything that would change much for you guys.”

“Sorry. Just wanted to know where my things were.” He rubbed his nose, trying to fight his runny nose.

Tara sighed, ran a hand through her hair. “Most things that are confiscated upon arrival are in an office beside mine. What do you need? If it’s not dangerous, I might be able to get it.”

Lillian shook her head “Well doing your job would be setting the files down and going back to making coffee and answering the phone” she said bluntly, turning away so Tara couldn’t see her reddened cheeks from being caught singing. “Since when did we need a secretary?” she wondered, having not realised that one had been assigned.

Tara stood quietly for a moment, not sure how to respond to her. “That’s incorrect, my job is to record things in charts and files, make calls, and if you get lucky, I listen to complaints that should be directed to you. So, you’re welcome.” She started to leave, but turned and narrowed her eyes. “What? There’s been secretaries before, maybe you just didn’t notice them. I’m sure it’s hard to see us little people all the way up there.” Too much? Oh well.

“She probably just got her meds. She’s a little… extra for an hour or so before they kick in,” she said. “Yeah. I’ve been to three hospitals with her. I can’t stand her, but… if I don’t keep an eye on her, people will fuck with her and I’m not into that. She stays pretty close to me. I also look like her mother, so… I think she has a little bit of a complex.”

“I see. Well, you seem to know how to deal with her.” Tara raised her eyebrows, a little surprised that she’d been transferred so many times, that someone would need to be locked up for so long. “That’s nice of you to... look out for her. I’m sure it’s good to have someone to trust in here, especially when other people think they can take advantage of you.” She knew a bit about that, anyway.

Finn was annoyed with the rude visitor, but the secretary seemed to know exactly how to handle it. Tara began to ignore the woman’s fit and after a few minutes of intensified anger, the woman left. Finn shrugged himself off the wall he’d leaned against and heard Tara’s voice again. “Oh no, I was just making sure she left and didn’t make a bigger scene.” Finn explained with a small smile. “You never know what people are going to do. I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

Tara leaned forward slightly, stuck her head out with a smile. “Oh, thanks. How noble of you. I figured we weren’t getting anywhere with the yelling-ma’am-yelling-ma’am-yelling pattern we had going. For some reason, it’s apparently hard to understand that secretaries don’t really make decisions around here. If I did, that window would be soundproof.”