Finn Martin

Finn’s words caused an eruption of butterflies in her stomach and the feeling rose through her chest as it formed into words in her mouth, “I love you too.” This time, her admission of feelings was surrounded by happiness and hope; opposed to the first time she’d told Finn how she felt towards him. “Always have.” A part of her knew since the first time they met, that he was going to be someone special in her life. Again, she pressed her lips to his, this time with more passion and want, to rejoice the moment of shared emotions. It felt freeing to not have to hide her love, god knows the amount of times Jordyn had to bite her lip to not let the words spill out every time Finn smiled at her. Her heart was his. “I’ve never loved anyone like this before.” The blonde admitted amidst their kiss, it was true. She was inexperienced in the ways of love and having someone love her. Everything was so intense and Jordyn was convinced Finn would be able to feel her thumping heart with their chests pressed together. 

It seemed like a moment they had been building up to since the first day they’d met. The feelings had been immediate, at least on his end, but they’d spent months trying to fight their attraction. It hadn’t been fair to her. They’d been under the eye of those in power at Glendale. But still he’d never been able to resist her. As Jordyn’s soft lips met his, he remembered precisely why she was so irresistible. There was a warm, tender familiarity in everything between them. As if they’d known each other much longer. He looked down at her as he parted from her lips ever so delicately. “I can’t believe how lucky I am.” Finn said softly. He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. They were still standing in the middle of the common room, and he knew their display of affection couldn’t pick up any momentum there. So he just held her against him for a moment, feeling their hearts beating quickly. 

Jordyn let out a small, excited squeak as her feet left the floor and beamed back at Finn. It was an overwhelming feeling to hear him say he was proud, she swore if it was scientifically possible, her heart would be skipping multiple beats to match the butterflies that had formed in her stomach. His smile was enough to make the blonde want to continue on this path of recovery, despite every trial and tribulation she was facing. Her fingers lingered on his shoulders for a few moments as she tried to think of some way to express her gratefulness to Finn, admittedly he was the main reason she’d started putting more effort into trying to recover, trying to be strong. Words wouldn’t cut it, there was nothing Jordyn could think to say apart from thank you a million times over. Instead, she pulled herself up onto her tip-toes, delicately cupped Finn’s cheek in her hand and drew him into a soft kiss, letting her fingers tangle into his brown curls of hair. 

The pause in their conversation was heavy with something that felt like anticipation, but for what? Finn’s eyes were searching Jordyn’s. He thought he saw a glimmer of something there, but he still was surprised when Jordyn lifted herself onto her tiptoes and pulled him into a kiss. Her hands on his face were soft and enveloping. He forgot everything about where they were and melted into the intimacy of her touch. Finn wrapped his arms around her small frame and leaned down into the kiss. It was sweet, gentle, and filled with words he’d been thinking for a long time. Jordyn’s support meant everything to him. She had always been a partner to him. He thought of the early days, her reading Gatsby to him in the common room, and the day he’d gotten beat up and she patched him up in the basement. He remembered quiet days of sitting in the library, her concerned face when she found out about his past, and the kindness in her eyes just before they kissed. He could see the game of cards, the build up of hurt and love and the raw kiss they’d shared. Small arguments, sad eyes, and then her...wrapped in his arms in the thunderstorm, her ear pressed to his chest so that his heartbeat was the only thing she could hear. Somehow she had always been there for him, and he couldn’t be anywhere but by her side when he knew she needed him. There was a beautiful magnetism between them. As Finn moved his lips softly against Jordyn’s, the magnitude of his feelings for the blonde welled up in his chest. He parted from her and smiled for a moment. “I love you...you know that? I’ve loved you for a long time.” He studied her eyes for some sign of reassurance that he wasn’t the only one.

“I could never be angry about this, Finn.” Jordyn reassured him with gentle words, feeling herself getting lost in those gorgeous blue hues. “It’s okay, I promise.” His touch was everything Jordyn had been needing the last few weeks, he was the warmth and comfort that she’d been needing. The blonde leant into his lingering touch, “You’ll always have me.” The promise rolled off her tongue without any hesitation, Finn was quite possibly the only person Jordyn could promise something like that to. No one else compared, or made sticking around worth while but Finn.. he was special. “I have something to tell you.” A smile formed on her lips, admittedly it scared Jordyn to her core to admit the progression she was making in her recovery but she knew it was something that Finn would want to hear. “I’ve been put on a new diet plan and I stuck to it, smashed it actually! And they’re considering bumping me up to the next level.. so more solid foods, I presume.”

Jordyn’s news washed over Finn in waves. At first it was disbelief, a split second look of surprise, and then the widest smile burst onto his face. “That’s amazing, J!” He immediately wrapped her up in his arms, lifting her off the ground slightly before setting her back down. “I’m so proud of you! That’s great!” He looked down at her with an expression of pure delight, but it softened slightly as he spoke again. “I know that was probably really hard for you, and I’m so proud of  you for sticking to it.” Finn recalled a few weeks earlier how hard it had been for Jordyn to eat her fruit cup for breakfast. Now he was picturing them going out to eat together in the future, both out of Glendale and celebrating something at a nice restaurant. He thought of breakfasts in bed and growing vegetables in the backyard. Finn didn’t want to rush ahead and make her uneasy, so he kept his thoughts to himself. “If I can help you in any way, just let me know.”

“I think she’s proud of me for getting help. She’s always really really supportive of me. Always has been. And I think that’s really coming through now. I think it’ll take some time for us to get used to the new dynamic, but I think in a way, its going to be a closeness that we’ve both been looking for for a long time now.”

“Fuck Casey one more time. Marry Jordyn. Kill Christian Lowe.”

“Not leaving the building when my chief told us to. Maybe Patrick would still be here.”

“Well.... I am Finn. So that would be a twosome.”

Casey could feel his heart rate pick up when Finn nearly snarled out the words. Was he jealous? Of course Casey felt a bit relieved that he wasn’t the only one hanging onto a thread, some sort of hope that there could still be something after all this. Maybe it was the reaction Casey wanted , in some twisted way. Nonetheless, his surprised expression soon turned into a soft scowl. He didn’t want to hear about it? Yeah, Like Casey hadn’t wanted to hear Jordyn confess her feelings, but what could you do. “Sorry.” He muttered and crossed his hands, eyes falling to watch the back of his thumbs in a brief minute of shame. “They weren’t as good as you were, just saying.” It wasn’t more than a low mumble, but it was all Casey wanted to say before his attention was more on Finn’s voice, and his problems, and his emotions. There was the same kind of roughness in Finns voice that there had been when he had opened up about the nightmares, about how his brother died. The complete sincerity and pureness of the words made Casey look up, meeting Finns eyes for a brief moment. It was still difficult to see him like this, so vulnerable, and all Casey wanted to do was hold him and tell him how it was going to be okay and just comfort him until every worry and pain melted away. But he listened. That was all he could do now. 

  It took a long time for Casey to filter through all the words Finn had spoken. He looked from one eye to the other, biting his own lip before taking a shaky breath. These were things he had thought about before. Why his boyfriend had been so stubborn and withdrawn when it came to weakness but they had some similar characteristics between them. “It’s… It’s okay.” Casey put a hand up for a moment before letting it drop back onto the table, palm side up, flexing slightly as the blonde tried to come up with words that seemed to disappear every time these moments happened. He could feel some stares in the back of his head but really, it didn’t matter anymore. They could have just gone to his office and sat down but Casey was sure Finn didn’t want to do that. Why would he? “Of course I would’ve loved if you’d trusted me but,” Another quick nibble at the bottom lip, “We both have had shitty pasts, okay? You told me what you wanted to tell me and after what happened to your brother I get it, you wanted to be strong. Trust me, I get it even if it’s not the same.” The blonde let out a sad laugh, reminiscing about his own brother. He should have been able to protect him but now the kid was a criminal. Or a murderer. Both, actually. And as a big brother he should have been able to prevent that but – “What we had was perfect, alright?” What we still have, “I wouldn’t trade a single moment. Trauma does that to a person and I’m not just talking as a shrink now. You know that, right?” Casey almost put his hand on Finn’s arm but kept himself in check, frowning at himself before leaning back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Besides, you still spoke to me when you felt like it. Sure I might have snapped and been, uh, horrible. Straight up, not denying that. I can be pushy and I didn’t mean to pry into your reasons but that’s just who I am. Was. But it’s just that I love you so much and it physically hurts me to see you crawl inside your own head and sink into this spiral of guilt when you’re so strong and shouldn’t have to go through that alone.” There goes the past tense. Casey dropped his gaze for a moment again and pushed himself up from the chair, rounding the table. “C’mon. Come with me.” No sexual innuendo, no temptation, no suggestion - “Please, just, they’re closing the cafeteria soon and I don’t want to leave you sitting here alone. The garden is open now, if you want to catch a breather.” He smiled and offered Finn a hand, a smile simultaneously trying to hide the slight gloss in his eyes. “Just for a little bit longer. To sort us out.”

After he’d spilled his thoughts out into the world, Finn’s shoulders felt a little lighter. It was an overdue apology. He watched Casey process it. The blonde was chewing on his lip, flexing his hand, thinking carefully before he spoke. It was new territory for them. Sure, they’d shared plenty of soft words, but this thoughtful tiptoeing towards forgiveness and understanding was new. It was wild in its vulnerability. I get it. Of course Casey understood. They were too similiar after all. It was what had drawn Finn to Casey that night at Marlene’s. They could go drink for drink with each other, reminisce about sexual exploits, share favorite camping spots, and then, quietly, leave the hurt unspoken. What we had was perfect. There it was. Finn felt a sudden sharp pain in his chest. He met Casey’s eyes and felt emotion well up from an unknown source. He was looking at his past. Despite Casey’s claim that he wasn’t approaching this as a shrink, Finn could feel him starting to close himself off. Had Casey also made himself emotional? The Aussie’s large arms were folded, causing his biceps to put his shirt sleeves to the test. Finn couldn’t help but look. But then Casey said those words- I love you- and they weren’t a whisper. They were stated plainly and in the present tense. Finn’s blue eyes widened as they found Casey’s. The older man knew him too well. Every word Casey spoke struck a chord with Finn. He had been deep in his own guilt, so deep he couldn’t see out sometimes. But he always felt like he had to do it alone. He didn’t want to drag Casey down into his issues. Not when the blonde looked so much better when he was happy and not spending his energy worrying about Finn.

As Casey stood, Finn’s eyes followed him. He didn’t understand immediately why Casey had stood up. Finn’s brain trudged through the sentimental moat of memories that he’d been caught up in and tried to focus on what Casey was saying to him now. “Yeah...” Finn nodded slowly. “We can go anywhere you want.” He wasn’t sure if Casey wanted the openness of the garden or maybe the privacy of his office, but Finn was entirely open to sorting out whatever was happening between the two of them right then. Finn took hold of Casey’s hand and rose to his feet. He tried not to let his touch linger too long. “The garden sounds nice, but we can go somewhere private if you want to uh- sort us out. I’m sure I’ve got another ten things to apologize to you for.” He chuckled softly as the hint of a smile graced his face. 

There was something slower, less confident about Finn’s words and it was clear he was not in a good place. A patient. It didn’t seem right and a wash of conflicting emotions flooded Jordyn’s mind, obvious pride for him making the decision to get help but then.. a helplessness that she knew what life was like as a patient. “Finn..” She breathed, taking his hand and running her thumb over the ID band. “I don’t know what to say. I’m proud of you for making this decision but I’m sorry it got to this point. I wish I could do more to help. I promise I’m always going to be here for you.. I just missed you so much.” If anything, this created a shift in the dynamic of their relationship too, there was no longer a patient/staff barrier and that was going to take Jordyn some time to adjust too. 

He could tell immediately that the news had made Jordyn sad. Her gentle touch was intimate and soothing, but also served to remind him that they could be close now. They could stand in the middle of the common room, lingering, touching, without a word to be said. “Thanks, J.” He smiled. “I missed you too.” There were a lot of other things he wanted to say, but it took him a second to figure out how to say them. “I don’t...you...don’t have to be sorry. Honestly...it’s been bad. For a long time it’s been bad. I just didn’t want to admit it.” He shrugged as he spoke, but that battle within himself had been anything but casual. It had torn apart his relationship with his ex, alienated him from his parents, endangered himself and eventually had endangered patients. “I’m just happy you’re not angry.” Finn admitted, looking down into Jordyn’s soothing emerald eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t come tell you sooner... They’ve got me on a couple things, so...I get messed up easily...and its been a bit frustrating. But I’m sure it’ll get easier.” He reached up and tucked Jordyn’s hair behind her ear, letting his touch linger for a moment. “I’m glad I’ve got you, J.”

As soon as Finn’s familiar voice hit her ears, her eyes lit up in surprise and she immediately flung her arms around his broad shoulders. “My getaway driver!” She exclaimed, forgetting that there was another patient in the room, she cocked her head slightly just to catch the other exiting the room and then her beaming smile returned as she looked up at Finn. “Where have you been?” She questioned, a look of concern washing over her features as she realised him from her hug. Jordyn took a minute to notice his lack of uniform and how he was dressed differently to his usual casual wear. “Finn.. Are you okay?” Something wasn’t right, she could feel it in her gut. 

“I haven’t met his boyfriend yet, but my roommate is honestly a bit…terrifying to sleep near. He acts like a nice guy and all, but I know why he’s in here. Whoever James is…he should run in the other direction.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Jordyn and I were able to get closer when I took her out of town a few weeks ago. I’ve honestly been avoiding her a bit since I’ve gotten here though because I’m a bit ashamed. I’m in such a heavy fog usually...I’m...I don’t know, not myself I guess. I don’t really want her to see me like this.”

“Diggity diggity? Really?”