The Life Of An Underpaid Actress

Why are you painting your nails at 12:30am when you damn well know I’ve gotta work in 9 hours?

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk ✌️

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Every one of you made me feel like should have been dead, like I could have ended my life and not one of you would have cared. You all made me feel like I NEEDED you to care if I was dead or alive when I had so many more things that needed my attention. THAT is why we won't speak again. The only people I'm speaking to are people who kept it 100% real with me (whether I was being rational or crazy) Am I okay? Yes, I'm stronger then I've ever been. I'm happy and thriving. But it's not because I had a supportive group of people to back me up. It's because I pulled my shit together by myself. The idea of "fitting in" fucked up the entire system that I had worked my whole life to build, but I don't need to complain about my circumstances, I don't need to plea for friendships that I know are long gone because the people who are a part of my life now, are my friends not because we need each other, not because we thrive from the attention we give each other, because we admire each other. We support each other's choices good or bad and no matter the outcome, there are no sides that have to be taken. I no longer need a "friend group" because I have genuine friends that I get to know and love for their individual flaws and successes. And if it makes you upset that I'm not speaking to you anymore let me give you a piece of advice, you can't expect people to support you, you can't rely on others to carry you, you can't pretend your life is okay, because at the end of the day if you can't handle that shit by yourself, you can't handle it. Be your own support system. No matter how close you think someone is to you, other people fail, it's only human nature. Do your best to except yourself for who you are and what your situation is because when you except that, The opinions of others will not effect you to the point where you need to plead with them. Pleading is for the weak.

Life comes full circle, karma is real. I've felt like shit for the way I treated so many people before my dad passed and some how some way, God or the universe or whatever has found a way for me to resolve all that beef and move forward in life. Last night someone I once knew who I basically left for dead my senior year of high school came to see a show I'm in. As I pondered and paced on how to approach her after the show my stomach curdled at the though of who I was and how I treated not only her but so many others. She ended up leaving and I said nothing to her. I figured "this isn't the time, she doesn't want to speak to me, and that's okay if we are meant to cross paths again we will" not more than 20 minutes later I met up with a few cast mates and spoke to one of them about the matter, as I got out of the car to grab a bite to eat, out stepped my once best friend along with a few more of my cast mates. Fate is real. We had a lovely conversation and a beautiful realization that, who we where is who we where and it shouldn't take from who we are now. Are we going to be best friends again? No probably not, but I can not explain how great it felt to know that there where no hard feelings anymore. I acknowledged what I did was shit and she excepted that. And when we said goodbye it didn't feel like just a normal "see ya later" it felt like closure. So I'm not positive who even follows me on here anymore if anyone does at all but just so you know, I know I was a shit head, and if I made you feel any sort of way other then beautiful, I honestly apologize and hope you can forgive me. We may not be best friends ever again, but no one deserves to feel anything other then loved.