taostxrs

“i want to know why!” you almost can’t recognize your own voice from its strain. “you can’t barge in here this late in the night and decide that you don’t want to be with me anymore without a damn reason, shuji!”

there is no effort coming from your end in wiping the tears that filled your eyes, compromising the view you have of shuji who is sitting down on the couch with his hands clasped together against his face, avoiding your eyes.

“i just don’t wanna fucking do this anymore!” he shouts. “that should be enough reason to let me go! i don’t want this any longer!”

your sobs get caught in your throat, and your hand flies to your lips to stop the broken wails from coming out.

“y-you don’t want me anymore?”

the answer didn’t come nor did the love of your life move a single inch. it made you hope. that maybe he’s just confused. maybe he wants you. maybe he’s high off of something sanzu made him take even though he promised not to do that anymore—you’ll forgive him for it right now if you have to!

“shuji. shuji, you don’t mean it, right?“

a faint noise is heard when your knees hit the tiled floor of your apartment. when shuji raises his head to look, his eyes widens to see you kneeling in front of him with pleading and desperate eyes.

“what do you not understand?! it’s fuckin’ clear! they say you’re smart and all that with your damn straight As, right? why can’t you catch a clue that i don’t wanna be here!”

“but you said—you said you love me, shuji!”

he didn’t give you a chance to touch him. he stood up without a warning, making you lose your balance and falling on the floor. it was just a split second but you saw him stop himself from helping you.

what you don’t know is that it took everything in him not to come to your aid and take you into his arms to comfort you. he won’t tell you that now. maybe not ever.

“d-did i do something wrong? i know that i get clumsy and i make mistakes sometimes and if i did, i’m sorry!”

shuji can feel his entire body aching from head to toe, his skin screaming at him not to do this because it knows how much it will crave you for years after this night. but he knows what he has to do, and it involves breaking your heart.

because at the height of the era of gangs in japan, he found himself at the highest ranks of kanto manji gang. and the rival tokyo manji gang is out to kill him and the people he loves—but the only person he has ever loved is you.

like nothing happened, you pull yourself up from the floor to face him as best as you can because he is so adamant on avoiding your eyes.

“is there something wrong with me? you d-don’t find me pretty anymore? did i… change? i was stressed lately and i know it might have affected my appearance—“

“it’s not that, y/n! shit!” he curses without inhibition in the frustration that he cannot tell you anything, that he has to break your heart like this, that he has to leave you asking why.

“then what is it?!”

“i just don’t—“

you cut him off. “want this anymore! that is bullshit and you know that, shuji! we are better than this! i know that this isn’t right!”

time is running out. his enemies can find out where he is right this very moment and piece things out together, and they will figure out that in order to truly kill the reaper, they have to get rid of you first. he can’t have that.

“or…” you trail off at the last remaining possible reason in your mind, and the way the light left your once sparkling eyes didn’t go unnoticed by him. “you don’t love me anymore?”

fuck. he thinks. that will never fucking happen. he knows that in life, you will be the person whom his heart will beat for. even in death, his soul will always be in love you.

“if you don’t love me anymore… if you fell out of love with me… then i guess i can’t do anything about it.

“y/n—“ he was about to repeat his sorry of an excuse, the stupid excuse that he simply doesn’t want this relationship anymore. he knows it’s stupid, but at least it’s not him telling you the greatest lie of all—that he doesn’t love you anymore.

“just fucking say it, shuji!” you screamed. “look at me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me anymore, and i’ll let you go!”

hanma shuji takes a step forward, leans in to level with your eyes, and like a heartless and soulless man says, “i don’t love you anymore.”

just like that, he walks out of your apartment and your life, something you have never imagined before.

the second the door closes behind him, the tears he was holding back came crashing on to him like a broken dam. he walked and walked and walked aimlessly, cursing himself to the depths of hell.

while he can’t regret you, he sure wishes that for your sake, he should’ve just contained himself from wishing to be close to you. he shouldn’t have let you fall for him so deeply. maybe you wouldn’t hurt this much.

with sin and punishment, his hands, he threw all the objects he could find in their hideout. sin and punishment. you are as clean as a saint, with no traces of sin. yet, he had to punish you in such a cruel, heartbreaking way.

what was he thinking? he’s one of the dangerous men that graced this earth! how could he think that an angel like you could live a normal, happy life with him?! outrageous! his selfishness is outrageous!

meanwhile, you grieve hanma shuji like he died. he is good as dead anyway, knowing that there is not a chance he would ever show himself to you ever again. you had no idea that he would be the one to actually grieve you.

a week after he broke up with you, the battle between the two tomans breaks out. a week after he broke up with you, two men kidnapped you from the comfort of your own home, and took you the site where the rest of them were.

to kill you right in front of him.

“hanma shuji!” the man holding you announces, momentarily halting the ocean of punches and kicks being thrown below you. they all looked up at you, being held at the top of the container van with a cloth on your mouth and blindfold on your eyes.

you are terrified. every inch of your body is trembling from the fear of being in another man’s hold, of being in this situation. but the mere mention of hanma shuji’s name is enough to make you relieved.

he’s here. your shuji is here.

but god, if you were terrified, shuji was already dying from the inside out. he thinks he could vomit all of his insides out of the unleveled fear of seeing you like that.

how did they get to you? he was so sure you were out of everyone’s eyes and ears! he protected you all this time! he has men tailing you to make sure no one would harm you! how could this fucking happen?!

“y/n!” he screamed your name before carelessly clearing the path in front of him.

for the first time in his life, he is afraid.

“fuckers! you gotta fuckin’ problem with me, you face me! cowards! she has got nothing to do with this!”

“well, well—you never played nice, reaper. why would i?” the man taunted, but everyone can see how he starts to trace your skin with the cold, sharp knife. you felt it, too.

in the middle of his trail to reach you, he is stopped by the captains of the tokyo manji gang.

you are scared for him, so you struggled. the toman captain holding you was kind enough to remove your gag. shuji curses out loud when he hears you call his name, “shuji! you can’t go here! he has a knife! he will hurt you!”

you think he cares about that?!

he is on the verge of breaking down. he knows you could die here. he knows what these men are capable of. men like him.

“i’ll get to you, i promise!” he shouts, trying to ease your worries in the midst of his own storm going on inside this head.

“no! you can’t! you will get hurt!”

he starts fighting off everyone, and normally, he couldn’t do it alone but maybe it’s the adrenaline and the sheer fear of losing you that enables him to knock them unconscious.

“shit! why the fuck does he have to climb that fucking high of the container vans?!” sanzu remarks.

the rest of kanto manji gang is holding off everyone else, as they also tried to reach you. if only you don’t have a blindfold, you’d see kakucho, ran, rindou, and sanzu killing everyone on sight to get to you as fast as they can—but not as fast as your lover.

however, the thing about his world is that there are no cliches, no promises of happy endings, and definitely no mercy. he can’t expect the enemy to play nice, to buy him time, because he never did the same for others.

an eye for an eye.

“say goodbye to your sweet lil angel, hanma!”

with that, a knife cuts through your side, and a bullet from another enemy from behind penetrates your chest.

a deafening silence follows, a precursor to hanma shuji’s scream of your name, a sound that would later haunt the people present that night both in their sleep and in their waking moments.

fate is cruel, because just a few seconds after you dropped down, he reaches you. if he had arrived a few seconds earlier, it is clear to everyone that he could have saved you.

but this is hanma shuji’s world.

“y/n! y/n!” at this point, he is full on sobbing and calling for your name with a broken voice. “call an ambulance, damn it!” he orders.

“baby? baby…” he taps your cheeks. “we’ll get you to the hospital, alright? it’s okay. it will be okay. i promise you. i’m here, see? i’m here.”

nobody cared that the kanto manji captains have killed the person who did it to you. nobody looked at anything or anyone else but the scenario unfolding in front of them.

everyone can only watch the man hold you in his arms to cradle you. they can only stand around and witness hanma shuji lose the love of his life, a person who is never meant to die like this, but does anyway because she fell in love.

“s-shuji…” your face is wet with tears, but they aren’t your tears. you raised your hand with the last remaining energy you have left as life slowly slipped away from you, holding his face on the palm of your hand.

your whole world in your hand.

“ssh.. sshh.. baby, it’s okay, yeah? don’t talk. save your energy. we’ll talk later, okay?”

his eyes are unfocused and he is trembling, but you badly need him to accept that if you two are to talk, you have to do it now.

“i-i… love you… shuji…” your voice is failing you but you have to say it, or else he will never forgive himself for today. because despite everything he told you the night you broke up, you know that he will always care for you whether he liked it or not.

“shuji… i have no regrets… d-don’t regret you. thank you f-for loving me before—“

“i love you. i love you. y/n, i will always love you, so please! don’t fuckin’ give up on me now, dammit!”

and you little shit had the guts to smile in this situation, “you l-love me… i’m so relieved… because i will always… love…”

you never finished the sentence.

“a-angel… c’mon. wait a bit more, baby. the ambulance is on its way. you can’t give up on me now. can’t leave me now. still gotta give you that home library you want!”

“baby, you can’t do this to me.” he’s still going on and on, trying to wake you up, trying to pretend that he is not bathing in your blood.

you’re not moving. you’re not telling him to calm down. you’re not assuring him that it is going to be fine. you’re not telling him you love him.

hanma shuji dropped his lips to rest on your forehead to kiss it over and over again.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

everyone stopped and bowed their heads, because they respect you—a victim of a life of blood and death. but also because all of them knows how it is like to find salvation in love, despite being stuck in this life.

but how about hanma shuji?

is this the price he has to pay for all his sins? the gods must be so cruel. if so, he prefers the idea of hell, than to live this life without you.

— KAZUTORA.

When Kazutora finds out about your gang, he's surprised, to say the least - and not in a good way. To him, women don't belong in the delinquent world and he'll act hostile towards your gang in response, immediately seeing you as an obstacle to overcome, something to get rid of before it can cause too much trouble.

He has some deeply ingrained beliefs about strength and power so he finds it hard to believe that a women-only gang could rival any of the male-dominated gangs of Tokyo anyway.

However, when a fight breaks out between your gangs, Kazutora finds himself intrigued and slightly impressed by your strength. He watches you, analyses your technique, and he eventually recognizes that you are worthy of your title and are obviously not here by mistake.

He ends up developing a strange but genuine sense of respect and admiration for you — though you'll never catch him admitting that out loud.

"So...you're the girl who claims to be leading one of Japan's biggest gangs?" he looks you up and down. "Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a woman."

"Ha. I wouldn't expect you to. I've heard a lot about you, Hanemiya. You've got quite the reputation, you know?" you smirked. "But let's see if you can back up that talk with action."

— DRAKEN.

Draken's calm nature leads him to be open-minded and respectful towards you and your gang — doesn't matter if your first encounter is friendly or a little less amicable. He's surprised to see that a gang like yours exist, that's for sure, but he admires your strength and leadership qualities more than he worries about the 'women only' aspect of it.

He probably wouldn't want to get involved with you, though. He's totally against hitting women no matter what, so, with Mikey's approval, he'll try to find a common ground with you and offer compromises that could benefit both sides in order to avoid confrontation.

He might also harbour a tiny crush on you or one of your gang members.... But that's none of anyone's business.

— MIKEY.

Mikey takes you and your gang very seriously right from the start, and he quickly learns that: 1) you're not to be messed with, and 2) underestimating and belittling you would be a huge mistake.

However, just like Draken, fighting and hurting women in any way is a no-no. Not because he doesn't think you're capable of fighting back, far from it, but because keeping women safe has always been one of Toman's top priorities. He'll only fight you if he absolutely has to, that means only if your gang is pure evil or an actual threat to Toman.

On the contrary, if your gangs grow closer over the years, he'll gladly accept a friendly fight with you or your girls.

Although he doesn't really show it, Mikey is very admirative of you — a feeling that only intensifies when he finds out that the Jotei Rengou actually shares most of Toman's beliefs and is really similar to it in multiple aspects. He's also surprised by your strength and strategic thinking, which earns his silent admiration.

It kind of makes him want to welcome women into his own gang.

— KOKONOI.

Koko will treat your gang like any other gang. The fact that you're all women matters very little to him. You know what you got yourself into when you entered the world of street gangs and delinquency, therefore you must know what you're doing and you probably know how to fight back.

Koko immediately sees the power and influence you hold over your gang as you lead and command them, and he soon starts to see you as a valuable ally or potential rival, depending on how your gangs' first interaction unfolds.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued by your backstory and your rise to power, because he knows you must've gone through hell and back before people actually started taking you seriously and accepted you as one of Japan's most notorious gangs.

"I don't remember inviting outsiders to my territory."

"I couldn't resist the chance to meet you!You're a hard one to find, you know?" he said, opening his arms and sticking his tongue out. "I've dreamed of this moment, Jotei Rengou."

— HANMA.

The first time Valhalla and Jotei Rengou come face to face, Hanma laughs. He laughs because it's evident to him that you don't belong at the head of a gang, and he makes sure you know how unserious he thinks your 'pathetic little gang' is.

He tries to provoke you by insulting you and your methods, clearly wanting to test your patience. However, he quickly realizes that you're not easily swayed by his manipulation tactics, having no trouble firing back at him.

Hanma finds you intriguing, and although he won't openly admit it, he's secretly impressed by your ability to stay calm and command respect and loyalty from your gang members — who all look extremely hot and badass, he must admit.

Hanma quickly starts thinking about how he could use your influence and power to his own advantage. He sees you as a potential ally or a stepping stone to achieve his goals.

— BAJI.

Baji is absolutely thrilled by the idea of facing such powerful women as opponents.

Though he can't do much without Mikey's approval, he sees this encounter as an opportunity for a great adrenaline-pumping battle. A rival gang is a rival gang, your gender doesn't hold him back in the slightest.

He's heard the rumors and whispers about the Jotei Rengou so he knows how serious you are about this — and although he'll approach you with a his usual cocky attitude, the last thing he'll do is underestimate you. The things he knows only fuels his determination further, and he looks forward to testing his skills against such interesting opponents.

"Well, well, well...what do we have here?" Baji smirks. "The Jotei Rengou and their infamous leader in person. Bold move showing up here, ladies."

"Hey, let's cut the small talk and make this interesting, shall we?" you smirk back, getting off your bike. "I'll show you what my gang's made of, and you boys can try to keep up."

— IZANA.

Izana is intrigued, but he doesn't take your gang seriously. He's heard of you and the damage you've done around Tokyo, but he's convinced that someone else is behind your crimes. He firmly believes that a woman's strength couldn't possibly match up to a man's, let alone his own.

But when you effortlessly take down some of Tenjiku's strongest members, Izana's initial arrogance towards you immediately starts to fade. He finds himself getting more and more frustrated as your fighting style proves to be just as efficient as his own.