Today’s been a bit of a mess. That’s why I’m writing everything down—to process my emotions and gather my thoughts.
Let's start with what happened in the afternoon. I asked Duong to help wake me up after a nap, and he did. While I was trying to shake off the sleep, I couldn't help but notice he was playing games- again. I feel like he has been gaming a lot this past week and slacking off on his studies. I had wanted to tell him about what happened with my Dad and our water system- we'd said we would talk about it, but he wanted me to wait 40 minutes just for him to finish his match. I was livid. It's not as if he was doing something important, it was just another stupid, pointless game. That's why I went silent and refused to recount the story to him once he was done. He kept asking and begging me, but I couldn't give him an answer. How could I tell him "I’m so sick of you wasting your time on games while I have to force myself out of bed to study, prepare for work, go out and earn a living". I tried to held back because I knew those words would hurt his self-esteem so deeply. He is a man with his ambitions and hearing that kind of criticism would definitely crush him. I tried to get myself together, think things through and put myself in his shoes. I know he is a university graduate with a lot of pride, he entered university a year later than all his friends, so he was kinda behind. Now while his friends are either working or going on to grad school, he is still searching for good universities that will accept him for a Master's program. He's going through a lot- more than I can even begin to imagine, and he's trying to cope with his problems in his own way, even if it doesn't make sense to me. We all move at our own pace, on our own timeline and all I could do is stay present and support him regardless. But deep down, the ultimate question that lingers is: Can I trust him?
