it’s crazy how one movie can influence companies to want to NOW take a chance on indie projects 🤨🤨 I’m very happy for the indie horror peoples projects getting more big though however, didn’t see hollywood wanting to do this so soon after analogue horror became more popular.

I still owe a pretty low sum of money, BUT, I pretty much paid off any debt I had from my Japan trip !! Now I can officially start raising money to go to Japan again next year ! :) I am beyond excited I can’t wait to try things I wasn’t able to the first time ! Really hope my friends and cousins are able to tag along this time as well ! I pray that we can all get lucky enough to win ghibli museum tickets again 😭😭

Ralsei chapter 5 is a message for us more quiet, people pleasing, keep the peace type of people that we just need to find the right person to let our inner hater out 😢🫶🌟

I just remembered something from kindergarten 😭😭😭 I didn’t really know what the word Aunt and Uncle was cause I was raised on Tio and Tia. My kindergarten teacher(who was white) had us write something about our families ??? I think. So I ofc wrote Tio and Tia among the English words, thinking nothing of it. Only to get the paper back from my teacher with the words circled and ??? Next to it 💀💀 she told me it was wrong from what I remember and kept me from going to recess until I changed it, but I couldn’t understand what was wrong so I was just sitting there crying ☹️

Anyways I’m going to an IOP group therapy. I hate group therapy. But I have a feeling if I end up not liking it. My parents are going to get very angry with me and try and boss me around like I’m 5. I wish I could be more independent. But I can’t shake the feeling everyone loves hating me.

I hate that I have to force myself to stay alive for at least to see the end of deltarune :( like that’s probably gonna be a while I think of forcing myself to try and stay here but I hope it’ll be worth it. I’ve been thinking about trying to lose weight and then possibly get top surgery. And then kill myself so I can at least die in a body I like. It’s odd cause I really don’t want to be here anymore, but arguably theirs many things I still wanna see. I just wish I could be alive without actually being alive. It’s just so wierd how my mom said when she was pregnant with me she was very scared of the world and where it was going, yet she still chose to birth me into a terrible world. ???? It feels like when your disabled in any way your always going to have to put up with your parents and let them control you cause if you fight back, that could mean being kicked out and being disabled with no money. I wish lethal injection was normalized for the public to use. I want to be dead.

Seeing everything Noelle is going through in the weird route remind me of things I experienced in psychotic episodes. Like “thought insertion”, where I would have to do certain things to avoid the entity’s voice in my head from doing bad things. Or learning about your world not being real with other characters. It is very odd how I can look at these fictional characters and relate to the fictional situations their in, I can very much picture in my head what Kris and Noelle or feeling emotionally, because it reminds me so much of my episodes. This very dull, full of panic, helpless feeling ? Like being completely at the mercy of the entity your brain is believing in. That’s what I imagine Noelle is going through with the Soul. And then her saying living her life was like watching herself through glass ??? Sounds very much like depersonalization/derealization, which is also something I experience when episodes get bad.

Sorry, my feed on tiktok is mostly filled with doom and gloom but I just learned about Amanda Todd. I think the incident occurred in the early 2010’s so I wasn’t uhhhh “sentient” enough to remember anything from that time. But learning about it now fills me with rage. Apparently the hacker didn’t receive jail time until 10 years later when he was finally found (preying on other girls too). She killed herself due to bullying from this hacker who did unspeakable things that made her two schools bully and beat her. Like wow, I keep thinking this but when are we going to make bullying illegal ?? It literally is a form of abuse. I’ve dealt with some bullying/teasing growing up and even now. It honestly disappoints me that the boys who beat her didn’t receive any jail time. Not to mention the pages and “memes” dedicated to making fun of her suicide. I am very appalled at this story. If I ever found out someone I trusted was a bully/cyberbully or anything among those lines(especially as an adult), I honestly would not only immediately cut them off, but I really don’t think I could hold in my anger towards that shit. Idk man, just another reason why human extinction is the only correct way.