Negative Thoughts

Monica Bellucci & Heath Ledger in:

Also Me: (encounters Joker cosplay porn) Holy fucking shit.

I was tagged by @cozycryptidcorner and I’m starting a new thread so as to not reblog a huge post. Here’s me.

I wrote a poem in kindergarten that got published.

I’ve been writing the same novel for fifteen years. I’ve gotten stuck. The disappointment from not being able to move past the block caused me to stop writing for seven years.

I draw, but I’m only really good a feminine portraiture.

When I was younger, my mom signed paperwork that allowed the U.S. military to use my medical history to teach field medics how to treat pediatric burns in war zones.

I want to go to school for forensic/cultural anthropology and take an interpretation course. If I can’t do those, I’d like to do something in the medical field that lets me work in a lab away from patients.

There are very few things I’m not willing to talk about. I will answer literally any question someone asks me. It’s very hard to embarrass me.

1. I’m pansexual & polyamorous - when I tell people they assume I must be ‘having it’ all the time but my last relationship actually ended 7 years ago.

2. I suffer from Spheksophobia - (extreme fear of wasps.)

3. I also have an irrational fear of sharks. Strangely I think they are majestic & I’m completely fascinated by them but I’m scared shitless to get in ocean because of them.

4. I feel emotions strongly but I rarely cry. I think the last time I cried was 3 years ago when I was pregnant and I blame the hormones.

5. I have very mild autism and sometimes I say things without thinking them through. It also means I can be quite blunt and abrasive if even if I’m not meaning to be.

6. I have three half siblings (parents remarried), 2 from my mothers side who as far as I’m concerned are full blooded - you’re my sister & brother. I don’t talk to the other one.

6 random facts about me! Let’s see..

1: I’m very um… exuberant?? I will openly gush about anyone’s appearance or personality, and it leads a lot of people into thinking I’m Bi, Pan, or the sort. I’m actually only attracted to males, and have a very specific type for me to actually be intrested in dating. (Though, I’m very openminded when it comes to fan fiction)

2: I’ve always have, and always will be, terrified of Ladybugs.

3: I have a heart condition that prevents me from being very active! I get dizzy, lose breath, and have had a high possibility for heart attacks since I was 5. It doesn’t effect me much in daily life, but my family’s sport to play during family reunions is volleyball, and I’m not allowed to join in T~T

4: i have 5 siblings! 1 older sister (step sister), 1 younger sister, and 3 younger brothers! (Only one of which is a step-brother)

5: I love kids, and i want to adopt at least 2 when I finally settle down and have a good income rate. I don’t really need to be married then, or even with anyone, but I raised all of my younger siblings and have taken care of them since before I can remember. It doesn’t feel right not having a little baby to feed or potty train. My best friend is the exact opposite, and can’t stand being around children (not because she hates them, but because they make her feel uncomfortable and anxious.)

6: I love comics or stories where the main character is Isekai into a world and has a certain goal, but ends up falling in love with their family and protecting them from harm. It may be because I’m so family oriented, but seeing that scruffy, evil looking grandpa adopt the small cute girl and defending her against evil, or the cute, gorgeous girl trying to survive but coming to adore her father after she was alone for so long, it makes me go uwu

Okay tbh i’m rlly not that interesting as a person but uhhh here we go

1. I’m trilingual (sort of)! I can speak English (primary language), Tagalog (second language) and French (third language). English, because I live in Canada, Tagalog, because I spoke Tagalog at home growing up, and French, from classes but nowadays I’m slowly turning bilingual bc I dropped out of French but I am taking online classes bit I’ve been procrastinating lately (sigh) but I find french to be one of the prettiest languages so I want to keep up my fluency!

2. I don’t like kids, lol. I personally don’t think I’m gonna have kids in the future, unless I find a very loving husband who is able to convince me to have kids (which I honestly think won’t be possible). I was the oldest sister of 3, along with many baby cousins growing up, so I had to babysit pretty much every single day of my life. It wasn’t fun. And it’s funny bc many ppl perceive me to be a very motherly person (i’m rlly not) and expect to have a bunch of kids in the future, and i’m not rlly sure why??

3. As much as I love books, I am an extremely slow and picky reader. And it’s rlly weird bc, well, i’m a writer yet i like never read?? See, if you want me to read a book, you’d either have to force me to join a book club or drag me into a library and pick something for me and force me to read it. And if i’m going to read a book, i’m only ever rlly going to read it when i feel like doing so (which is like, during class when i’m bored lol); i cant read during a car/bus ride bc i get dizzy, i cant read outside (beach, pool, forest) bc i get distracted easily, so i can only rlly read at home or at school, and it can take me up to 4 fucking months to finish a book - the book i’m reading rn i’ve had since fucking September and iM ALMOST DONE

4. I like to think I give good life advice - but yknow, then again, idk. Like i’ve always thought abt starting a blog dedicated to answering anons’ confessions and asks for advice abt stuff:P it makes me feel good knowing i’ve made someone feel better

5. The only movies i ever really cry to are tagalog movies - and no, it has nothing to do with language or ethnicity or appearance. I rlly don’t know why, but the romances in these films are a lot more impactful for me - i make it a tradition for me and my mom to watch a new tagalog movie when it comes out on theatres and i’m usually the one who cries a lot more. It brings me back home. It reminds me of my roots and my culture which is influenced by family and love, and i appreciate that.

6. I used to be extremely germophobic as a kid, it became a pretty serious problem. I remember washing my hands at least 20 times a day literally, my parents were complaining a lot lol. Nowadays it’s not that bad, but i still am cautious, especially in public restrooms (ew). But other than that, I don’t rlly have any “irrelevant” fears - my fears nowadays usually consist of things like not being successful in life, not reaching my goals, losing sight of who i am as a person, wasting my parents’ hard effort, etc.

1 - I live in South Africa! People are generally surprised when I tell them, and that’s the only mildly interesting fact I can really think about in regards to me.

2 - I’m the eldest out of three children, I have two younger brothers who are the only people who can and ever will push me to the damn edge istg, I’m generally a person who doesn’t get angry over small things but if my brothers even breath too loudly I’ll tell them to shut up. I swear I’m not a bad person I get the worst abuse out of it all ok 😔

3 - I’ve done the Toastmasters International course, it’s basically a public speaking course and I managed to come second place overall. That doesn’t mean I’m less afraid of addressing the public, I just know how to handle the pressure better now lmao. (also thank goodness I didn’t win because the winner was surprised with the automatic enrollment into a bigger competition up against the winners from all the other schools, really dodged a bullet there.)

4 - I’ve only had one major pet my entire life, which is my dog Rex, although I mostly address him as Rexy because he’s my baby. He’s a mixed breed between a chihuahua and something feral most likely but I love him regardless. I’m not allowed a second pet, even to this day that rule stands from when I was like eight. I’ve had him for likely almost eight or nine years now.

5 - yandere books are my secret pleasure and I find myself way too submissive to yandere characters 😳 which is strange because I hate possessive relationships irl and generally thrive being alone, I guess if you’re a hot anime guy then anything goes with me tbh.

Most of the people I know IRL already know this, but I have a severe phobia of injections after a traumatic experience in early childhood.

I was 4 years old when I was diagnosed with appendicitis and pneumonia. I also had a stomach bug. This was my traumatic experience. I’m still unable to hold my composure when I see/think I’m about to get an injection all these years later.

I’m way too paranoid about being replaced by those important to me in life. I have no clue why, bit my self esteem is very low and I can only suspect it’s because of a toxic friendship I’ve been stuck in for years and have just barely escaped. I’m still in close contact with the person and they’re treating me well so far. It makes me and my family suspicious. It’s not everyone, though and I don’t think about it often!

My passions are writing, drawing and photography!! They’re currently my main areas of study along with History.

I live in South Wales and can speak a little bit of Welsh!! I really wish I was more patriotic or proud of my little country and I want to speak my language fluently. If I ever have children, I’ll make life easier for them and try to teach them lol.

I’m insecure about my voice, but aspire to be a singer. I’m not sure why, bit I’ve always felt like I sound more masculine. In choir, I’m a Mezzo Soprano (middle range) and I’m surrounded with guy friends. Also, I feel like my physical appearance and attitude is slightly masculine, despite my long hair.

Yeah, a lot of that was negative… Whoops! I’d like to tag:

1. I used to do martial arts for like the longest time. Started when I was eight and went on for nine years before school kinda forced my hand to quit.

2. I ride horses! Yes, it’s true, I’m a horse girl as much as I’m embarassed to admit it. Horses have always been some of my favorite animals ever since I was little and I’ve been riding since I was like four. I can jump up to 3 feet now and I’m actually kinda proud.

3. I once had a dream where I was following this deer through a forest and then she stopped and looked at me, and there felt like something important was going to happen but suddenly this really loud and deep voice just yelled “IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP.” And I bolted straight up cause I swore if there was ever a voice that sounded like satan, it was that one.

4. I’ve cosplayed twice, but I’d like to do it more!

5. I’m surprisingly not a big shipper. Do I write x readers? Yeah, but shipping has never been my jam, I kinda see how all the ships work in a way and I don’t have any of my favorites, at least for the bnha fandom.

6. It doesn’t matter how much older you may be than me, if you do something that has concerned me and you are my friend I will start calling you child, but not in a mean way, more like I turned into the mom friend, I’m worried and I need to protect you way.

Alright, tags! I… don’t wanna bother ten people though so uh:

My native language is not English. I started learning it little over 4 years ago, actually. A year before I came to America I learned it a lil bit but das it. But because I’ve tried so hard to learn this language and expand my vocabulary, I’m now better at it than I am at Spanish (my first lenguage), but Im better at speaking/reading out loud in Spanish.

Of three sister, I’m the middle child.

My dream job is becoming a graphic designer, or a comic maker. I have some things cooking but nothing done yet. I cant wait to see it through!

I am actively afraid of looking weak in front of people, i mean as in emotionally weak (its an issue, gotta get over it). Probably bc I just cry SO MUCH! I could probably bawl my eyes out with a small comment from the wrong person. But Im also very sensible and empathic to other peep’s feelings, I wanted to be a psychologist at one point.

Ive never been in a serious relationship. I guess you could say that me writing is sort of a comfort blanket for that loneliness lmao. I’ve dater ppl before, but it never lasts. (Besides im kinda in lov rn, and trying to stop that :P )

The first fanfic I ever wrote (cringe) was an x reader (not much has changed huh) about reader x rin Okumura from Blue exorcist 🤭. Anyways, it was angsty as FUCK, I kinda like that. I wanna do something with similar plot devices (evil) but with a bnha character (todobabe???bakuboii???veggiezuku???)

SORRY if my tagging is a nuisance, I dont know ALL of you personally but eyyyyyyyyyyy…. *finger guns away*

1 ~ i started writing not too long ago, almost about a year now i think! i hope to have many more with you guys! ^^

2 ~ even with my extrovert self, or how easy it is for me to talk to people, i am such a hermit, im a loyal puppy so if you hurt my feelings thas a big ole *snip*. i often stumble with simply (cant believe im gonna say this) asking for an order, or asking where the bathroom is cause im afraid i’ll fuck it up. ;^;

3 ~ think i started writing for this account in like april so cheers to whoever was here since the beginning! 🎉

4 ~ im really sensitive. like if you havent made the move to speak to me in like weeks i will just assume you hate my existence. but since im so sensitive i kinda built this thing over the years, ya see its called a wall, and when life gets tough it breaks every so often. ;-;

5 ~ uhhh not sure to write at this point- i enjoy kpop?

6 ~ i have a server?? 😂 im bi? i cook a lot? my brain went dumb ddumb ddumb ddumb ddumb STUPID.

thanks again babe. 💓 uh idt i have that many people to tag. 👁️👄👁️

1.) Talking to people scares me because I don’t want to bother them. So I always just say I’m doing fine even if I’m not so they don’t get annoyed with me.

2.) I love art. I’ve been drawing since I was little but I don’t post a lot of it because I get shy.

3.) I have eight animals. Six of them are special needs rescues. They’re all my babies. 💕

4.) When I was little, I realized no one owned the moon. So I decided it was mine and that we ate pancakes everyday for breakfast in space.

5.) I’m not supposed to be doing a lot of stuff because of physical health issues. But I still wrestle the two dogs (both just under 100 lbs) so hopefully my doctor never finds out.

6.) I always have to have some kind of sound going. Either tv or music. The silence just heavily bothers me. But I cannot stand huge groups of people all talking at once.

Since my mom passed away I’ve developed a fear of smoking. (Cigarettes not weed) and it scares me that there are other family members who still smoke.

I seem smart but really I’m just a huge dumbass lol I’m good with words but ask me like anything else and I’ll fall braindead in an instant.

I am a cat person and if I could I’d own like 10 of them. But I have my 3 and I’m happy with them :)

I recently came out to my aunt as nonbinary and she was totally accepting and it was really cool! I’m sure she misgender me to others since I’m not fully out, but that’s okay.

I hate the smell of rosemary because it reminds me of the smell of Rolly Polly’s 😅😅😅

I fall in love so easily. Like even platonically. I love pretty much every single one of you guys lol.

1. I have two dogs that drive me nuts sometimes but I love them so much lol - a Frenchie and a German shepherd

2. I’m OBSESSED with Star Wars and if I were rich, I’d buy every piece of their merchandise known to man

3. Before I saw Joker, my favorite movie was Inception (lol now it’s my second favorite movie)

4. I’ve gone to India four times but I’ve never seen the Taj Mahal even though I REALLY want to

5. I love to sing and I love to do arts and crafts

6. I’m really shy but I love making new friends and building lasting relationships! (Psstt, come be my clown friend)

1. Im dyslexic so if you find typos in my writing thats probably why!!!

2. Im like 5 feet tall 

3. When I was a kid i used to spend like 4-6 months out of every year in mexico visiting family 

4. I almost exclusively wear Nike Cortez tennis shoes, its a really weird day for me If I’m not 

5. I have 6 tattoos 

6. Im a huuuuugge fan of period dramas!!!!! I’m on my preppy white girl jane austin shit I swear!!!!! 

1) I had accessory navicular syndrome in my left ankle and had to have a bone is the size/shape of half a golf ball taken out. The bone is in my Jewelry box.

2) Shattered the growth plate in my right ankle in a horseback riding accident.

3) My favorite perfume is 25:43 from lush but it has been discontinued and I am saving the last of my purse bottle for special occasions.

4) I’m married to a perfect human that looks like Artie but I have to wait for his eyebrows to come back in before we have the ~most accurate~ cosplay. Yes, they will probably be cheesecake.

5) I am more likely to DM you praise than I am to comment it in a reblog. Dont know why? Just how I do it?

6) If anyone needs a beta I’ll do it. Like just ask “hey can you look this over for me give me feedback?” I will do. That. For. You.

Everyone I’d tag has been tagged, except forrrrr

@talk-to-me-devil-again

1) I have a ten year old son who’s the best person in the world! I struggled as a single parent for years before meeting my fiancé, and it was the hardest thing ever, but my son makes my life worth it.

2) I’m an amateur genealogist. On my mom’s side I come from an old Utah Mormon family, and genealogy was a big part of my upbringing. I grew up on stories about my great-great-great-grandparents crossing the plains. I’ve also done a lot of genealogy work for my dad’s side, though it’s a lot more difficult because they mainly came from Appalachia and there wasn’t very good record-keeping there. I have a large chunk of Swedish ancestry, along with English, Scottish, Welsh, Scotch-Irish (aka Ulster Scots), and a bit of German and Cherokee.

3) I’ve played various musical instruments since I started taking piano lessons as a child. I’m still terrible at piano, but I’m pretty good at brass and string instruments. At age 15 I started teaching myself violin, then 2 years later I was accepted into music school with a scholarship.

4) I’ve performed with a ton of different types of musical ensembles: orchestras, string quartets, jazz bands, symphonic bands, indie bands, rock/blues/R&B bands, musical theater orchestra pits, choirs, and duets. For about a year I was a violin teacher.

5) My passion is comedy writing. Joss Whedon once told me I was “hilarious”.

Youree right that men with a naturally high metabolism dont need or deserve to be told that they should gain weight but when someone is far under their heathy weight due to a mental illness it isnt the worst idea to try and encourage them to eat more for their sanity as well as their health

I would never call Arthurs body ugly and if anyone is they are definitely in the wrong

But, I cannot leave this post unresponded to. This post truly and deeply annoys me. Enrages me in fact. Again, NOT THE OPINION itself, but the way it is stated as cut and dry truth.

No one should tell another person how or how not to write a character. What I'm assuming OP hasn't taken in mind is that most of these people writing "magically cured" or "not as severely mentally ill" Arthur/Joker are writing him in a way that helps them cope?

I have not ONCE read an Arthur/Joker fluff piece that was "over the top" in a way mentioned above. Every single person I have come in contact with in this fandom has some sort of mental illness and seek Arthur/Joker out to help them heal themselves. And honestly that is the whole magic of this whole fandom.

OP, did you know this post has caused a few people to fear writing for Arthur/Joker because maybe the way they write him means they aren't "true fans" or "understanding the character enough"? This post has actually caused someone(s) to STOP WRITING.

That is the part of this post that infuriates me. Writing is my only coping mechanism. If someone stripped that away from me with one strongly worded post I would have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I cannot condone that.

Please, OP, if you don't like how someone writes, just unfollow or block them all together. Dont condemn a writer for their way of expressing their traumas. I'm sure you didnt mean for your post to come off this way (or I surely hope you didnt) so I'm sorry if my response upsets you. Genuinely I am sorry.