Journal Entry 9: January 1st - 7th
Happy New Year. It feels strange writing that.
Only a few weeks ago I was still packing boxes and saying goodbye to everything back home, and now I'm sitting at my desk in Auralia, looking out at a completely different world. School starts soon. Very soon, and today felt like the first day where it became real.
This morning Mum took me back to Northford Uniforms to have my school clothes adjusted properly. Everything had already been bought before Christmas, but mum and the tailor wanted to make sure it all fitted exactly right before term started.
The shop was busy with other boys and their parents doing the same thing. Everywhere I looked there were blazers hanging on rails, boxes of caps, stacks of shorts, and rows of polished shoes waiting to be collected.
I felt nervous the moment we walked through the door. Not scared exactly, just aware that every fitting brought the first day closer.
The tailor remembered me immediately. “Back again, Mr Bardell." He smiled and led me into a changing room.
The uniform was already hanging there waiting. I looked at it for a moment before changing, and noticed the tailor hadn’t moved aside. He saw me noticing him and gave a gentle, kind smile.
“Oh don’t mind me, nothing I haven’t seen before. Boys in Auralia aren’t shy and you’ll have to get used to inspections at school anyways”. He said with a smile.
I was confused for a moment but saw the other boys in the store being seen to by other tailors, none of them seemed to mind removing their shirts when asked. For some reason it inspired me, I wanted to be like them, proud and Auralian.
I began to remove my day clothes. Nearly folding each peice until I stood there in the plain white briefs mum had bought before Christmas.
I looked at the uniform again, the blazer especially. I'd seen it dozens of times already, but it somehow looked different now. More important. More real.
The shorts came first, I had forgotten just how short they were. Just barely two inches on the in seam. The tailor adjusted the waist slightly and checked the length.
Next came the white shirt. Then the green-and-gold striped tie. The suspenders after that, I still like them more than I expected. The green straps with their gold stripes matched the school colours perfectly, and they held everything neatly in place. The belt went on too, even though the suspenders already did the job.
The tailor explained that every part of the uniform served a purpose and that the complete appearance mattered. That seemed to be a very Auralian way of thinking.
Then came the blazer. The moment I slipped it on, I felt myself standing straighter. The dark fabric sat perfectly across my shoulders. The crest on the pocket seemed brighter than I remembered. The striped trim running down the front and sleeves made it look smart without feeling flashy.
Finally, I put on the cap. That was the moment. The moment I stopped looking like a boy trying on a uniform and started looking like a Northford pupil. At least that's how it felt.
The tailor adjusted the position slightly. "There we are."
I looked in the mirror. For several seconds I couldn't stop staring.
White shirt. Striped tie. Blazer. Cap. Grey shorts. Kneesocks. Suspenders. Belt. Everything exactly where it should be.
Then I put on my Jonwin Loops. They had been polished the night before. The leather gleamed beneath the shop lights. When I stood and walked across the fitting area, I could hear the firm click of their soles.
Mum noticed. "I think somebody likes his school shoes." I pretended not to hear her and she laughed anyway.
I admit wasn't entirely convinced at first. The uniform felt very juvenile, boyish almost. The shorts particularly felt much shorter than anything I had worn before moving here. But when I looked around the shop afterwards, every other boy's shorts seemed exactly the same.
Nobody appeared embarrassed by them. Nobody even seemed to think about them. They were simply the Northford uniform.
A few days later came something I wasn't expecting, braces. Apparently my teeth weren't quite as straight as they should be.
The orthodontist was very friendly, but I was still nervous. The whole appointment seemed to take forever. When they finally fitted them, my mouth felt strange and heavy. I kept running my tongue over the metal without meaning to and talking felt different too.
Looking in the mirror afterward was even stranger. I still looked like me, just a slightly different version. Mum said they suited me. I'm not entirely sure about that yet.
The first few days have been uncomfortable. Eating certain things feels awkward, but everyone keeps telling me I'll get used to them.
People here seem to say that about lots of things. The haircut, the uniforms, the shoes, the braces. "You'll get used to it." And somehow they always end up being right.
Yesterday I had my haircut refreshed as well. The barber restored the neat side-part exactly how it's supposed to look. When he spun the chair around and showed me the mirror, I realised I looked almost exactly like the boys I'd been seeing around Amherst since we arrived.
For the first time, that didn't feel strange, it felt normal, correct. I stepped out into the sunny streets of Amherst and glanced across the street. I saw a few other boys, clearly on the same pre-school tour of town as I had been the last few days. They looked across at me and nodded, and I smiled back, my new braces catching the sun. I felt like a proper Auralian boy in that moment, and I admit I liked how that felt.
This evening I tried on my full school uniform again. Not because I had to, because I wanted to. It feels weird to admit that. What 11 year old boy wants to wear his school uniform? Especially one so traditional. Still, I wanted to see it on so badly.
Everything was ready. The blazer hanging properly. The cap brushed clean. The tie already knotted. The Jonwin Loops polished until they shone.
I put every piece on carefully. Then stood in front of my bedroom mirror. The sunset was coming through the window and the room was quiet. For a few moments I just stood there looking at myself. School suddenly felt very close, close enough to touch.
I felt nervous, my stomach was full of butterflies. What if I get lost? What if I don't know the rules? What if everybody already knows each other? What if… What if… What if…?
But then I remembered the church services, the boys who nodded to me and the families who welcomed us. The feeling I've had ever since arriving here, that perhaps there is a place for me here after all.
The uniform hanging in my wardrobe doesn't feel like somebody else's uniform anymore. It feels like mine. In a few days I'll find out whether I really belong at Northford.
I hope I do. I think I do. It feels so right to me, but I'm still nervous all the same.