Cry Mortal Being @takeaway-mysouffle - Tumblr Blog

01/6/21

Just wanna lose some weight for my b-day!!

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Daddy passed out on his slice of pizza. He’s always drinking so many beers

7/4/20

Today was second day on the job. I feel useless. I didn’t know my coworkers were all fake. It my second day. The only people that I do know who works there hate me. I’m stupid. No one likes me. Why do I have to be all shy?? Why do I have to mess up?? Please don’t get mad at me. It’s not my fault that I didn’t know anything about this. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t fire me. Please don’t get mad at me. Please don’t avoid me. Please comfort me. Please be there for me. I don’t wanna be a screw up. Stop looking at me like that. I just need help. Why can’t I ask for help?? It’s not fault. Please don’t think I’m stupid. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I’m stupid. I’m stupid. I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’m worthless. I’m worthless. I’m useless. I’m unimportant. I’m ugly. I’m fat. I keep gaining weight. I hate being alive. I wanna die. Kill me already. Why does everyone hate me? Why can’t I be enough??

I’m sick again. So hopefully I get to lose some weight. I hate the scale’s numbers going up but at the same time I’m afraid of being too skinny?????

6/27/20

This eat disorder that I developed is really affecting the way I eat. I’m not sure if I still an ED, but I’m trying to be healthier for my family. They ask if I ate anything and I lie and say yes. I don’t wanted lie. I just forgot to eat is all. Food doesn’t really taste that good to me anymore. And I do try to force myself to eat but I get so full from such a small serving. I’m afraid it won’t be enough for them. I get so full I feel like throwing up. I don’t like feeling full.

I’m too scared to my family and friends what’s going on.

#twed

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No matter how skinny I am, I’m never good enough for my family. I’m always taking care of people but no one takes care of me. And I’m always being stepped on. I would die for someone to just snuggle with me and tell me everything is going to be okay. For once I want to feel important, to be notice, to be respected and to be loved.

6/13/20

I fucking ate like a pig yesterday!! I was so afraid about how low my weight was that I just kept on eating. Now I’m 104.8 and I hate it!! Why can’t I ever be satisfied??

I’m 101.7 now, which is my lowest weight ever. It’s probably because I’m sick but I’m really scared.

dainty-and-spacey

repost if u break the stereotype of Eds

you eat once a day/ u don’t always fast 24/7

you’re not bones

you don’t openly talk about it lile it’s a big problem

you don’t want treatment

you don’t think you’re sick enough for treatment

you can’t purge

EATING DISORDERS AREN’T WHAT THE MEDIA TELLS YOU

feel free to add!♡➹★

sweethndery

These literally all apply to me

I care about you. Please be safe, you deserve to be happy.

I don’t want to anymore. I want to know what’s like to be like them.

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All I want to do now is eat an entire fucking kitchen. I feel so fucking stupid for trying to be fucking friendly and shit. Like genuinely mean but it’s like they think I’m a fucking dumb ugly fat ass that doesn’t deserve anything. I feel worthless. I want someone to care about me. I want my friends to check up on me. I’m tired of waking up in the morning without a single text message. Even if it’s every now or then. Eating disorders sometimes comes from not having any control in your life. I just want to be popular and have tons of friends who want to hangout. And to have boys telling me I’m cute and that they want to be my boyfriend. But I can’t have that if I’m still this fat. I’ll be so skinny everyone will worry about me. I will be skinny. I will be thin. Then everyone finally love me.

#skinni #tw ed #anamia #anorexxiia #mia #ana #killmeplease #eating disoder #helpme

I weighed myself with clothes on and it read 103.6!!! Hopefully this will last!!

5/18/20

Update: it didn’t last :/

104.4

5/19/20

4/25/20

So yesterday I got my results from the physical and it didn’t turn out well. Apparently I have high cholesterol. When I was over weight my cholesterol levels were pretty bad but this time it’s much worse. I don’t understand it. I’m a lot thinner then I was before. She said it be genetics but in reality my parents make a lot of high cholesterol foods. I don’t blame them entirely though because when I working at McDonald’s I would eat off their menu constantly. I won’t through a pity party for myself. I’ll get through this.

4/10/20 🔪🔪

I got my yearly physical today. I asked them if my weight was healthy for my age. I weighed in at 107 and the doctor told me that I have a BMI of around 18. I was hoping it was less than that, so then people around me can really see that I do have an eating disorder.

My therapist said I might be developing an eating disorder. So I finally got the guts to tell my parents about it. My mom insisted I didn’t but my dad is wanting me to eat more. I kind of regret telling them. They were pretty cool about it but I really don’t want to eat more. I hate feeling full because it makes me feel fat. So then I end up wanting vomit. But I stop myself. I’m so confused though. Am I barely developing an eating disorder? Did I never have one in the first place? Or do I have an eating disorder?

#tw ed #anorexxiia #anamia

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onlinecounsellingcollege

How to Deal with Emotional Abuse

1. First, recognize when you are in a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful or punitive relationship. Usually, the person will be highly critical of you and their comments will have emotional undertones. There is usually also a threat of rejection or abandonment.

2. If you can, walk away from the relationship. It’s unhealthy to be caught up in emotional games where you are the pawn, and you feel trapped and abused.

3. Establish boundaries. For example, don’t allow the person to engage you in critical conversations and emotional put downs. Walk away from any outbursts and emotional displays.

4. Agree to what you will, and will not, accept in the relationships. State these in clear and explicit terms.

5. Put your needs and values before their needs and values (as they will be unlikely to respect these in you first.)

6. Make sure that “no” means “no” … and don’t accept small compromises.

7. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into any arguments. It will likely go downhill, and you will end up feeling bad.

8. Surround yourself with people who see your gifts and strength – and remind yourself that their viewpoint reflects reality!

Sometimes I don’t eat because I don’t like whatever my family is cooking. Sometimes I don’t eat to “protest”. A little small protest to let the people who’ve done me wrong to know that I’m not taking their shit anymore. I guess that’s just control baby.

#eating disoder #ed #anorexx #mia #anamia

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