Let me explain.

99% of people, especially the bigots, don’t actually comment on it. They don’t look at food service workers’ names.

¿But the ones who do notice?

We go by Stardust at work. It’s our agreed upon singlet name, & it’s gender affirming but not blaringly obviously trans or nonbinary to bigots.

(We’re transmasc for reference - he/they (it’s even on our nametag, because luckily our boss is supportive & allowed us to sticker our pronouns on our nametag). Our coworkers are quickly adjusting to they/them & starting to get he/they, & it’s wonderful.)

So the people who do notice, they pause & go “oh, you have a beautiful name 😶”

& from there we get one of three reactions:

(1) “¿is that [your birth name/the name your parents gave you]?”

(2) “¿did you pick that?”

or (3) “I have a boring ordinary name...” (/ sheepish & embarrassed)

((literally one guy got snarky, but just to say “your parents don’t usually like it when you change the things they put in place” (like a name), but otherwise we didn’t even get snark))

((There was also exactly one time when a fellow queer called us “instant gender envy 🥺” & that....that was an amazing feeling. I still don’t know what to do with that. It’s an honour. 😅))

& from there, if they ask if we were born with it, we usually say “no, my parents don’t like me that much”, laugh it off, & say “I chose it”.

& from there, it’s (4) “¿what was your given name?”, (3) or they walk away.

If it’s (4) we’ll say politely “I’d rather not repeat it, I don’t like it” & shrug, & 100% of the time we get back “oh, that’s okay! 🥰” & they walk away.

If it’s (3) we’ll tell them, “Well, it’s expensive to change your name legally....but socially, honestly anyone can just change their name. You can just pick one you like and ask people to call you that. That’s all I did; I can’t afford to change it legally yet.”

& for (3)....every single time they go ‘...oh 😶’ & get excited.

Cis people. Getting excited. At the idea of having the freedom to choose a new name later in life.

It’s super sweet.

((We honestly expected a lot of transphobia, but our coworkers & managers use the name without any issue, & customers almost never say anything negative.))

So...yea. I absolutely love when cis people notice our name. 😅

Also, um....cis people (anyone who identifies with their assigned gender)?

You can just change your name.

You don’t have to be transgender to not like your name, or just like another name more, or feel like another name fits you better.

It’s like a nickname for you, or just another name you go by. & that’s completely valid & allowed.

You aren’t insulting trans people by having a different name socially than you do legally,

or even changing your name legally because you found a name you like better.

If you do it, it actually gets more acceptable for trans people too, & doesn’t necessarily instantly out us.

So go ahead. If your name is too boring & ordinary, or doesn’t fit you, change it.

I promise the world won’t end. The people who love you & deserve your love will adjust to the new name.

& maybe it’s just when you eat out too! If a food service worker or barista asks for a name to call, you can use any name you want.

Change it every time, or have a secret identity (/lighthearted) when you go out. Have a little fun.

You’re allowed to have fun. You’re allowed to change your name.

~Ace

You were a good kid. But not for the reasons you were told.

You were a good kid //because you were a kid & a kid’s only job is to survive & learn to live//. You were good at surviving, because you’re still alive.

Us: *realizes we didn’t bring our cane because it’s in our car trunk, & our car is in a mechanic shop getting fixed up*

Us:

Us: “Holy shit.”

Us: ... *shrugs* 🤷‍♂️ *keeps walking*

Nico (he/they; co-host, protector), casually to Ace (he/him; protector), in headspace but also spoken aloud: “Y’know, it’s a little odd but I think we have more endurance now because we rested. Because we usually drive everywhere now, so we managed to walk that whole way without a cane & without having to sit down to breathe. Our endurance got better when we accepted the mobility aids we can use [(car, walking cane)] and didn’t keep pushing ourselves. Mom always said we were ‘lazy’ and that if we rested ‘too much’ our endurance would go down, and that we have terrible endurance and could walk farther if we just walked more often, but...now that we’re walking LESS and using our cane basically everywhere, we’re...actually more capable of going long distances.”

Ace: *stumbles a little* *stops walking to stare at Nico in headspace*

Nico:

Ace:

Nico:

Ace: “Holy shit.”

Nico: *nervous he’s about to argue* “It’s true—”

Ace: *in shock* 😮 “You’re completely right. Holy shit.”

Nico: 😶☺

~

100% true story. Our endurance has INCREASED from doing less. We were, at least in part, just very exhausted & drained all the time from not resting enough. Our parents intentionally kept us fatigued all the time so we couldn’t run or fight back. ✌ (& being neurodivergent (autistic & ADHD + possibly more) we...never would’ve suspected something like that. “Gullible”.) ~Jason (he/him; emotional protector)

¿Was it only roughly 3 or 4 miles? Yes. ...But we used to collapse after a couple blocks without a cane when we were pushing ourselves. This is huge for us. ~Nico

Note: this was shared with permission from the headmates I’m front with & quoting. It was a private conversation, but Nico agreed (rather shyly) that it probably would help others too. Please respect headmates & their consent. ~Jason

The basics: In toxic families, kids are forced to adhere to certain roles to keep the peace &/or keep themselves safe. Mascot is one role a kid may be forced into.

Why are we qualified to talk about this?: Our brother is in this role so we did a lot of research on it & have seen it affect him our entire life.

⚠️Trigger Warning below the cut: mentions (vague) of trauma, neglect, ab*se⚠️

The basics: In toxic families, kids are forced to adhere to certain roles to keep the peace &/or keep themselves safe. Doer is one role a person may be forced into.

Why are we qualified to talk about this?: Our mother is in this role so we have seen it affect her our entire life & we did a lot of research on it.

⚠️Trigger Warning below the cut: mentions (vague) of trauma, neglect, ab*se⚠️

10. What have other people said about your asexuality?

Not much. I’ve had surprisingly few comments at all and really no negative ones that I can recall.

I know this isn’t the case for most people though, so if you want to vent this is a safe space. Feel free to message us and we will anonymously post your stories.

~Ace

9. What does being asexual mean to you?

To me, being asexual means infrequently or never experiencing sexual attraction. 

~Ace