#zukore

!!!! I am literally shaking..........

okay so! Despite my position as Zuko's spiritual advisor (and personal best friend who was with him through trials and tribulations of all kinds), I was not made aware of the arrangement. I knew he was being pressured to take a wife, and(or) a childbearing partner, but I did not know that I was among the pickings. Neither did Zuko, for that matter. His council thought I would be their ace in the hole, so to speak, to keep a leash on their new Firelord once he came of age. And, of course, instead of consulting me he agreed. And then talked to all our friends about it, swearing them to secrecy (this comes out later and I am pissed with all of them).

I do not find out until I accidentally read a passage of a letter to Zuko from Aang over his shoulder, which comes a great shock as you can imagine. Zuko then proposes to me, which, as I am in love with him, should make me extremely happy. But he doesn't say he loves me, he only ask that I tolerate it. That nothing has to change between us, and he will treat me well. That he cannot bear the thought of handing the throne over to someone he has no say, or trust, in once he is old.

I, of course, agree. Because I am desperately in love with him, and would do anything for him, even sacrifice my own happiness. And I am a sap, first and foremost. The wedding takes place as soon as the palace staff can possibly arrange it. It is grand, lavish, and entirely forced. Diplomats and royals from all over attend, grumbling at the sudden notice. Many snidely comment on my appearance - and my lack of wealth, as many of their sons and daughters had been rejected, apparently in my favor. Little did they know, I was his last choice, and his only option left.

The consummation is nothing like I imagine it would be. I fear that there will be no heat, no passion, that he will do his duty to attempt to get me pregnant and leave. Or that he will feign interest, pretend to be attracted to me, all while thinking of someone else. What happens is much worse, he is attentive, making me finish multiple times in multiple ways before he even attempts to fuck me. But he does not kiss me. He does not even pretend to love me, or look me in the eye. He apologizes when he enters me, as he fucks me, and then hastily exits my chambers as though he has defiled me. And I am left alone, until it is time to fulfill our duty again.

I am lonely. My friend has become distant, and we are only ever alone when he has his "duty" to fulfill. We do not talk, we do not joke, we hardly even share meals anymore. And when Aang comes to visit, Sokka in tow, he becomes possessive. It is the first sort of emotion besides guilt i have seen from him in months, and of course I exploit it. I find ways to be alone with my two male friends, reasons to innocently touch them, laugh at their jokes. If only to feel something in my loveless, passionless marriage. Sokka and Aang don't see anything amiss, we've always been friendly, always been close enough to touch one another.

After a week of them visiting, it is not a night for Zuko to perform his "duty" and yet. He shows up to my chambers anyway, eyes narrowed, hair mussed. His movements are strangely rigid. Not like the nights previous when he came to me. Now it is like he is wound too tightly and about to snap. For a moment, only a moment, I fear my husband. It is the first night he takes me roughly, no apologies on his lips, only molten heat in his eyes and rage in his teeth when they find my neck, my shoulder. When he fills me, finishes in me, everything burns.

"Mine..." He whispers against my mouth for the first time. "My wife. My queen."