#zinetober25

for the prompt "journey", another zinetober zine ❤️

i was often isolated growing up, bullied at times, ignored usually. i never felt quite right around other people, i was incredibly shy for the first half of my life, remained shy and socially anxious for a lot longer. i always felt like something was off about me, like i couldn't fit in even though i tried, like everyone could tell there was something wrong with me and i didn't deserve to be included. i still often feel off and uncomfortable when i'm in spaces i don't feel i belong, but i found the ones that are meant for me, and built them when they didn't seem to exist, and that makes not fitting in during certain social situations much more bearable. this isn't to say, if you feel alone you're the problem, and the world shouldn't adapt to those of us who feel/act/work differently. but i want to remind myself, and give other people hope, that maybe you just haven't been in the right place yet. there is a place for you, and some people find theirs easier than others. but that means the problem isn't you. the solution isn't changing yourself. it's finding an environment where you can thrive just as you are. and if you can't find one, maybe you'll have to build it. if you've never felt right anywhere, it's not hopeless. it's not because you don't deserve love, it's not because you should be different. yes there are many people who feel comfortable in those spaces you feel odd in. but that doesn't mean those spaces are objectively right, and therefore you should fit their mold. it means those spaces are right for these specific people, and while it's easier for them because they happen to function closer to the way most of society does, you can find the space that's right for you, too.

just going to copy what i said on ig because i have no more thoughts!!

final zine for #maskuptober and i really ran with "wish" for that one - doodlesbycharlie_'s prompts have inspired me to make so much art this month :')

i feel like this truly encapsulates a venting zine because some parts of it are really complaining about niche issues lol. to the non masking world, they wouldn't think we're infighting about *why* people are masking (because they understand why or because they know it makes them look like they don't care to not wear one?), and it sounds entirely silly to complain about people who "performatively" wear masks.

like come on there's soooo few spaces where the social pressure is to mask and not the opposite. but!!!! this has been my feeling in some spaces. so if you don't get it you probably just haven't been in those.

my biggest issue remains when people don't care and don't take any precautions but i can still express frustrations at situations where people are only somewhat halfway there!!

yes someone wearing a respirator mask is always a win, but if they only do it because they saw everyone else in the room do it, they might not truly understand the *why* and wear it wrong (ie not sealed properly so less effective) or not wear it anywhere else!

anyway i told myself i wouldn't overexplain my zines or add disclaimers to them but i ramble. ramble ramble ramble

i wish people gave a shit about covid, but i refuse to think masking=cares and not masking=doesn't care. i want to remain hopeful that lots of people who don't wear mask or make efforts towards clean air indoors just lack information or time (yes, still) and i can bring them in.

i like to make and share zines that are relatable, and can spark conversations. i'm not sure this more personal zine fits that purpose.

i often make a zine because i want to express and share something, more than purely out of a need to vent. it can be a need to vent, but in a "come feel this with me!" type of way. as someone who used to be deeply shy, and still doesn't always see the point in bringing up certain topics because "if i can think about it with myself, I don't need to share!", i like having something to start a discussion from. my zines often end up being just the first step to talking about a topic, helping me feel seen, and hoping others do too. this time, the feelings and ideas might be too personal and unclear to be understood by others. or maybe i'm wrong? maybe this will make you also explore some foggy, distant memories and the eery, uncanny feelings attached to them? maybe a zine with such personal interpretation can spark your own thoughts because you can grasp so little of my own by simply reading it, and we can still share this together?