#zerwin

This one’s all for you, @datwriterwannabe. Thanks for helping with the idea and trying to stop me, beautiful. <3 Also, thanks to @attraversiamo19 for coming up with the ship name! I couldn’t have done this without y’all. :D

You can also read on AO3!

Summary: Sure, Zevi is great. But have you ever tried Zerwin? (Zerwin? Erweke? We’ll figure it out.)

Contrary to popular belief, seducing Commander Erwin Smith is not an easy task. It takes patience and persistence, determination, and a level of bull-headedness that is unmatched. It takes someone with walls around their heart, someone willing to withstand the pain of rejection over and over, but not for the reasons you may think.

You’re not getting rejected because Erwin doesn’t see you as more than just a comrade destined to die in this cesspool of a regiment. No, if the Commander doesn’t like you, you’re not even given the time of day.

You’re being rejected because this big, blonde, bolo-wearing bozo has no idea what the hell is happening.

That’s right. Erwin Smith, a man revered for his brilliance and genius, is oblivious when it comes to flirting. He’s got to be the most vanilla motherfucker I’ve ever met in all my fucking life. He’s too innocent for words, really. I don’t know why so many people think he’s some kinky sex-god hellbent on fucking the life out of every person to walk this fucking earth.

He’s a virgin. He’s never touched or been touched. I don’t even know if he’s ever given himself the ol’ one-two! Erwin’s as pure as the driven snow.

Fuck, I want to fuck him so bad.

Which leads us to this moment. The here and now.

While our ignorant daffodil of a Commander had stepped out for a meeting, I had taken it upon myself to pull out the big guns. No, I’m not talking about my dick. At least not yet. (Though it is big.) I’m talking about something that Erwin couldn’t miss. Something his fragile virgin body wouldn’t be able to resist.

I sneak into his room and get quick to work. Dressed in a sexy maid costume, I begin taking my time in cleaning his office and adjoining bedroom. Dusting, sweeping, straightening the clutter. I even clean his bathroom. The man is about to lose his virginity for God’s sake! It should happen in a clean atmosphere damnit! I’m going to spoil him rotten!

I’m just finishing making the bed when I hear the office door open, Erwin’s footsteps grow louder as he approaches his bedroom. I bend over just as he steps through the door, giving him the phenomenal view of my upper thighs and the smallest glimpse of my ass. “Welcome home, daddy.” I purr as I turn to look at him over shoulder, smirking when I see his eyes pouring over me.

This is it. I’ve got him! His dick is mine!

But, contrary to popular belief, seducing Commander Erwin Smith is not an easy task. His crystalline blue eyes turn confused as he huffs in exasperation. “Zeke, I’ve told you a million times. I’m not your father.”

Hi. My name is Zeke Jaeger, the Beast Titan, and I’m a fucking failure.