I've fallen into Lads hell and Zayne is always looking for excuses to rationallze things
Sooooo, I checked out Love and Deepspace - for research purposes (no I'm actually being for real here: I wanted to see what the fuss is about because I did play its "predecessor" game Mr Love Queen's Choice all the way back in 2018, so I felt a little nostalgic and was interested to check out how this type of game has evolved, pun indented, and how the games might be connected) Aaaaand, I basically chose Zayne as my main as soon as we had the first interaction with him. I'm not very far into the game on my account yet but you can bet I already watched a lot of the storyline and dates with him and I can't wait to find time to write more deep dives into his character. I loooooove characters who are subtle in their expressions because those, when well written, always have so many delicious details about them that are just extremely intriguing to pull back the layers bit by bit.
Anyways, here's a first interesting character trait that I want to talk about: Zayne is always looking for excuses for the rational side of himself.
We know he left to distance himself from the MC to keep her from potential harm coming from himself. He's made that choice because of that incident when they were younger (although the way I see it is that it was Dawnbreaker who attacked her - but that timeline parted in two different timelines starting from that very point: the one where Dawnbreaker still finds himself in aka where there's no MC anymore in his life and then there's the one we see with Dr Zayne in the main story. more on that maybe another time as I need to read all the stories/dates first).
Sure, he chose cardiac surgery because of her, with her health as his main drive force he was able to push through medical school as fast as humanly possible and did that research because of her - BUT I think the rational side of him, the one that wants things to be kept in control, never planned to be this close with her ever again. The rational him, which is/was the most important part about him, as he stated himself in Absolute Zeal, never wanted to fall in love with her. He has dreams/nighmares that remind him constantly to stay away from her. He probably only planned to come back to fix her heart when he's found the cure and then would dip out again.
On the other hand though, no matter how hard he tries to be rationale only, he's not a robot. He longs for her, he's been fond of her even back then and he also feels guilt. It's a push and pull dynamic: his rationale tells him to stay away but his heart and soul are pulled in again and again.
So part of him, the part that stores his feelings, that is always kept away to not get in the way of his rationale, was secretly hoping to see her again and to reconnect on a level beyond just the doctor-patient relationship level.
It would've been save to stay away until he found his cure for her but I headcanon he welcomed that fact that he would be/could be assigned as her doctor and took that as a excuse because someone like him always looks for something, anything, with which he can rationalize a not so rational decison. If he had stayed away, he'd be in control of the situation (and we know how important being in control is for Zayne), but if he makes contact with her, he knows that he's in danger of losing that control. So he rationalizes that part away by telling himself that he's just gonna be her primary care doctor, it's gonna be fine, they can just keep it a doctor-patient relationship, it's all just professional and maybe it's better to directly work with the subject he's trying to find the cure for... And the outcome of this? He can't help but fall for MC. And loses control. Part of him would see this coming but when you find an excuse, you can make your decision sound rational enough.
I love how we can see at the beginning that he really tried to keep it all professional and doesn't allow himself to get close. He does his checkup on her, scolds her for overworking, as any good doctor would - but then he can't help to also show appreciation and support for her profession and slips her a candy.
Absolute Zeal was the greatest revelation regarding this trait of his: always be rational, be in control, be prepared for all situations, don't lose yourself in emotions, don't act on emotions - and yet, there's potential to burst like a volcano when the right buttons are pushed. It's not that he doesn't have emotions - it's just that those can be often time rationalized away, or you store them away and you make a choice to focus on the rationale. His rationality and control is everything to him - or so he thought before dating MC.
I love how this Memory subtly fleshs out how he was looking for an excuse to "loose" control, to go a step further than what he'd normally allow himself to do: He was quite drunk when they were in the taxi and when he was in front of his house he showed signs that he's starting to sorber up a little (as he remembered he could open the door with his fingerprint). On the sofa he was all clingy and cute, but I think he was much more aware of what he was doing now, judging by they things he said.
The most important detail (love that part of the writing) is that we then overhear him talk completely fine on the phone about work. At that point it's save to say that he would be able to pull himself together, but he chose not to. He wasn't fully sober yet, but he was sober enough to not indulge in the "drunkenness". He could have pulled himself together (and we know how good he is at holding things together, no emotions and all), but that other part of him welcomed that excuse. That part of him took the slight tipsiness and ran with it.
(Man, I love Absolute Zeal. The hot parts where hot, but most importantly, it had those amazing character details, and that little speech Zayne gave about eternal bonds, everlasting love, fateful encounters, soulmatism, not knowing loneliness before he met her and never going to feel it after he's met her. MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH A POET ZAYNE)
He also seems to always wait for MC to make the first move at the beginning of their relationship (not really my original thought as I saw someone on bilibili point that out in a video and from what I've seen so far that's certainly the case) - when it's not him, who approaches her first, it can serve as a welcomed an excuse for him to approach her, too. And we know how he is with sweets... Also, when he gifted her the scarf in the main story he said he didn't have a good excuse before (which means he tried to find one, instead of just saying he wanted to gift her one just because).
(Btw, Zayne is kinda tsundere and tsundere always try to find an excuse when they show any other side of themself but their "tough" side, aka when they show care/love/affection or a weakness. So yeah, there's that layer, too)
I love how "control" is such a double edged sword in his life. Him losing control of his evol, thus (in his mind) he harmed someone he cared deeply about. So he developed a personality that is all about control. He seems to always be in contral, he's always got it together. The love he feels for MC brings him so much joy and warms his heart but she also makes him lose control. She can also ease his pain coming from his very own evol but when that healing happens, it also harms her, the one he loves in every lifetime. It's this painful push and pull. And I saw this from someone in the chinese Mr Love fandom (spoiler for Mr Love!): If you read Evol backwards, it's Love - and I think that's just so poetic for Zayne's and MC's relationship.
I love how in his interaction with MC there's always a deep understanding of the other, even if Zayne often leaves his feelings unsaid or rather let's his actions speak - MC knows his feelings. Between them, things can be left unspoken, they don't have to carve out the exact contours of their heart for the other to see as they already have it engraved in their soul. And while the Zayne that the rest of the world know is always composed, prepared and always leads in the front, he has learned to allow himself to show his other sides to MC: He's soft with her, he's playful, he even let's her know that he misses her between both their busy schedules and shows her that he has become dependend on her - he, who is more than capable to live well by himself, has lived well by himself for most of his live and has gotten very used to that kind of live, he, who everyone else always relies on, he, who has such a reassuring presence about himself. Someone as mentally strong (and physically) as Zayne allows himself to show MC that he is dependend on her and shows his most protected and most vulnerable side: his not in control self. To be so open with her... it's probably the biggest display/prove of love to her that a person like Zayne could give. There are different reasons as to why you love Zayne, but for me, one of them is certainly the contrast of his personality, the layers he has and those contradiction, that make him so human and vivid and full of life. He's not dull at all (honestly, I find it hard to understand folks who actually think he's dull. He might not be everyones type but you can't tell me there's not enough to his character, like, are we reading the same story?)
Additional personal insight: Since my personality is very much like Zayne's, let me tell you we're quite good at finding excuses and laying things out in a way that would absolutely make sense to others too so nobody notices that use of an excuse (like, I can always convince someone of a decision I make for I can lay it out in a way that does indeed make sense - even thought deep down I know there're some flaws and thus it's not the most rational/best decision but I also want to stick to that flawed decision). That makes it inviting to self-sabotage btw. Although, until now I don't really see Zayne as a much self-sabotaging person, just wondering about his developement in the future of the main story.
