—𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞 || 𝐤.𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
pairing: draken x m!reader summary: “i’ve always loved you...” warnings: manga spoilers!! chapter 223 and below, for those who aren’t caught up or aren’t manga readers, angst, one-sided love (?) word count: 2.3k+
a/n: inspired by gone, gone / thank you by tyler, the creator & looking out for you by joy again
You lay on the ground, breathing heavily. It hurts to breath, and it hurts to not breath—either way, it’ll hurt. You don’t like the pain, but you’ll power through it. There’s a pain in your chest the more you try to breathe, and you take slow, deep painful breaths.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
It’s raining, you think, in a daze. Your eyes squint a bit as you try to focus your attention on the noise beside you, but the rain puts you at peace, almost relinquishing the pain you were feeling. There’s almost an empty feeling in your stomach, but maybe it’s because you know what’s happening to you.
(Breathe in and out.
In and out.)
Your eyes slowly trail over towards the crying male, feeling his warmth. His eyes are bright blue, but it is not the man you love. You don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you (but neither does he).
(But, why are you crying? you want to ask through blood and rain.)
“D-Don’t worry, [Name]-kun…!” Takemitchy cries out, tears and snot dripping down his face, “Senju’s getting the ambulance, so… so you’ll live! You’re gonna make it…!” He’s holding your hand so tightly, you think he might break it.
You let out a tiny breath, blinking slowly, realization settling in you. “Oh… I guess… I’m dying…” face scrunching, you laugh a little, ignoring the pain (is that all you can do?), “I… didn’t think… that’d happen…”
The male continues to sob, his tears dripping onto your face as he hovers over you. “You’re gonna live… because you’re [Name]-kun! You can’t die—! We- We need you…!” he wails, sniffling, “Draken-kun needs you! You said… You said you were gonna confess to him!”
Your chest rises as you try to breathe, your breaths becoming more shallow the more you try to keep your eyes from closing. “I-I… was going to, yeah…” you rasp out, lips becoming dry, “but… I don’t… think I’ll be able to, n-now, huh…?” You let out a small chuckle, coughing, “It’s… kind of sad, isn’t it…?”
“No, [Name]-kun, i-it’s not,” Takemitchy sobs, “It’s not…! But- But you can, if you just… stay awake…! So, please… Don’t die!”
You manage to squeeze his hand, giving him a smile. “It’s okay, Take…mitchy…” you utter, “It’s… not your fault… I did it, because… I wanted to…”
He wipes his eyes, sniffling and hiccuping, as he looks at you with watery eyes.
"...Hey," you croak, feeling your throat becoming dryer by the second, "do we... Does Draken and I..." your lips become dry, and you think they might crack, "Do we get together...? In... When it was 12 years in the future...?"
He nods, whispering, "Yes. You do."
You laugh.
"I see... Then, I'm glad..."
There’s a peaceful silence, other than your shallow breaths. You’re surprised you’re even breathing still, with the three bullets you took to the chest. Takemitchy’s hands are warm, you notice. But you wonder if Draken could be warmer—you’d never know, though.
“Can you… do one thing for me, Takemitchy…?”
He nods.
(There’s a pain in his chest, when he sees the tears welling up in your eyes as you choke out your words, the more you cough up blood.)
“Can you… tell Draken… that I love him; forever and always…?” you choke out, your eyes stinging as there’s something dripping down from them (your tears). “I know… that I fucked up my chances, s—“ you almost choke on your blood, struggling to speak, “—so many times, but… can you at least ask him if he’d like me back… in a different universe…?”
And even though he’s struggling to hold himself together, even though he was trying so hard to not break down—everything cracks and breaks.
Takemitchy lets out a loud, loud cry, burying his face into your sweater as he cries and cries and cries, nodding his head erratically. His fist grips your sweater, and his hand that held yours tightens in a grip that you thought would crush it. He’s blubbering out words, but you know what he means: “I’ll tell him.”
And with that, you peacefully die with a small smile on your face (traces of tears were there, but no one knows - only Takemitchy. Only Takemitchy knows.)
.
Your chest aches, the more you watch Draken and Emma interact, seeing the two happily laugh. Mikey notices the sadness in your eyes (because he knows what it’s like to be sad), and asks you about it one day. He approached you, quietly asking:
“Are you okay?”
And you give him a smile, saying, “I’ve never been better.”
You don’t pride yourself on being a liar. You never didn’t, really. But it was times like these, that you thought you were good at hiding your feelings, yet… You’re almost positive that it was obvious: your crush on Draken. Mikey knows, Mitsuya knows, Kazutora knows, Baji knows (knew), Pah-chin knows, everyone knows—everyone but him and Emma.
Every time the two hung out with each other, you would receive pitying looks, sympathetic looks, all sorts of looks. You know you do, you’ve seen it.
(And it hurts.) And it’s okay.
You would always respond with a wave of your hand, smiling ‘happily’, saying, “I’m okay.” (But you weren’t).
Emma was the younger sister of your friend, and Draken was the person you love your friend. They were happy together, so you should be happy for them, too. (But it hurts, you want to cry so bad, it hurts—it hurts.)
Seeing them together, it fills you with bittersweet happiness, and perhaps, envy. But you don’t want to be envious, it always made you feel horrible. He was meant to be happy, and so was she. Maybe you weren’t supposed to be happy, and you were fine with that; as long as he was happy, that’s all that matters to you.
”It’s okay to want things for yourself,” someone once told you. A friend, who goes by the name Takemitchy (Takemichi). He was the bright kid that joined Toman, always trying to help others with whatever. You don’t know how he knew you liked Draken, you were sure you kept it on the low nowadays (especially with how Emma seemed to be acting).
“I don’t want anything for myself,” you tell him with a small, bitter happy smile, “I’m okay.”
.
You were there.
But you couldn’t have done anything.
You’re devoid of any emotion, too in shock to even feel because this shouldn’t have happened (she didn’t deserve to die, no one ever does). It wasn't even supposed to happen, you know this to be true, but you're not even sure who killed her. It's not fair, you decide, looking at her body that lay on the floor, it's not fair.
She’s dead? you mouth to yourself, staring at the body that lay on the ground, unblinking. Emma’s dead, you realize.
She’s dead.
And you’re not able to help. There’s stares, when you and Takemitchy and Mikey and Emma reach the hospital, but you know it’s too late.
(You can vividly remember his shaky voice as he says, “Emma’s body… is cold…” through tears and a smile, but he’s hurt.)
And you’re not able to help, when Draken and Mikey get into a fight, but it was only one-sided because Mikey was too sad to even care, too dead to even fight back, and Draken was too angry to even stop himself, despite Takemitchy’s cries.
(You stand on the sidelines, watching everything with a sinking feeling in your gut.
It's not fair.)
.
People constantly tell you that you have a chance, now that Emma's gone (but that's so ignorant; it would be so ignorant of you). You only shake your head with a smile and wave them off. Your smile is always so, so small whenever you tell them off though (but kindly, because you don't think being mean would fix anything, it'd only make your pain worsen).
"[Name]," Draken says suddenly, catching your attention. He gives you a small smile as he simply states, "I'm glad you're still alive."
(Your heart breaks.
How many times will it take for you to hurt?)
A small laugh escapes you, and you look ahead of you, a minuscule smile on your face. You breathe out softly, looking up at the sky, blinking. "...I'd think that I'm glad that I'm alive, too," you say softly, clasping your hands together, fanning your breath onto them. It's cold.
His hands reach to cover yours, making you blink (and there's heat rushing to your face—calm down). His brows are furrowed as he looks at you, concerned. "Are you cold?" he asks, looking up at the sky, "I mean, it is winter, but... Oh, you're not wearin' a jacket. Here, since you're an idiot." He hands you his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders.
There's a clench in your heart as you look at him, trying to keep the smile on your face (but it just hurts). You can't tell if he's being kind or if he's leading you on, but Draken, you're mean for this. You cough into your fist, closing your eyes as you just try to enjoy the moment (but your heart hurts).
"Next time," he murmurs, "bring a jacket, or ask me for one. I don't mind sharing with you."
(Is it okay to be selfish? you wonder, nodding your head the more you talk to him throughout the day, because I want to keep this moment forever, please.)
.
Draken stares at nothing (because you're not there with him), gaze blank and dull.
Is this what it's like, to feel like your soul is getting sucked into an endless void? Is this what it's like, to feel your heart being torn into pieces as time passes on? Is this what it feels like, to feel as though the world's laughing at you and your misery every god damn fucking day?
His fists clench, and he's trembling, and he bites his lip so hard, he feels blood being drawn as he furrows his brows, eyes beginning to sting. He's not sure if the world was trying to provoke him, to make him angrier than he already is, because he's so angry (but he's so sad, too). He's lost and lost and lost and lost, is losing more than he can already count not enough?
Did he have to lose you, too?
He heard the news from Takemichi, but he doesn't want to believe it. It's so fucking hard to not cry, to not break down in his own fucking shop, and he keeps a steady facade, nodding his head as he chokes out a quiet "I see," and leaves.
The blond likes to think that he's strong and that he'd never cry as hard as he did when it came to Emma's death, but he also didn't take into account your death. He thought Baji's death was enough, that that would be the last death he knew, or maybe even Pah-chin's arrest would have been enough, but it wasn't. Someone just had to come in and fucking murder Emma.
Of course, he's mad.
He's enraged, he's-
he was only 15-years-old, what could he have done?
Draken chokes, still trying hard to not cry, but to breathe. He was told that you were shot in the chest three times (three fucking times; whoever killed you, did they hate you?), but you died with a small smile on your face.
"I should've... been there for you, [Name]..." he whispers, voice thick with emotion (mostly rage, mostly sadness, and mostly- mostly desperation). He takes in a deep breath through his mouth, trying to not cry still, but a tear slips, and he doesn't know what to do. His face scrunches the more he tries to not cry, so he just lets it all out.
He's not screaming, he's not shouting, but he's throwing things around and crying, trying to not think about the words that reverberate within his mind, echoing endlessly like a constant shout in a cave.
(It feels like someone's tearing him apart from the inside out, and he's can't handle the pain.)
...He should've told you.
He really really should've told you that he liked you more so than Emma, because Emma was just helping him get with you, but every time, you avoided him like you didn't like him. And when Takemitchy also told him, tears dripping down his face as he desperately tries to wipe them, sobbing out:
"[Name]-kun... also liked you, Draken-kun. He liked you... very, very much..."
And he doesn't want to believe it.
"I should've told you," he whispers. "I should've."
.
He stands at your grave, a bouquet of purple hyacinths, lilies, and forget-me-nots. He knows the meaning because he spent weeks just trying to figure out the meanings of flowers, because you're someone meant to be remembered (especially in his mind). Planting them on the headstone, he takes a step back, putting his hands together in a praying motion.
He whispers,
"May we see each other in another life, [Name], and fall in love there, once more."
He smiles a small one, breathing out softly, looking up at the sky. His eyes are still dull, and maybe his eyes are rimmed with redness and puffiness, but he doesn't want to mention it nor cry about it — not in front of you, at least. He can do that back at home or in his shop, when he's alone.
"Forever and always?" he whispers, asking you.
Forever and always, you would've told him with the same smile on your face.
He leaves your grave, ignoring the stinging in his eyes, wiping them with the sleeve of his jacket, taking in a sharp breath, and he lets it out slowly (he'll be okay because he knows you're there; you said so yourself).
He'll be okay.
