#yoursmile

6 months. 6 months since the first time I met you, the first time we spoke, the first time you smiled at me. I wasn’t aware.

4 months. 4 months since the snow, the first class we had together, the first jokes we shared. I still wasn’t aware.

3 months. 3 months since you wanted a change, the sleepiness, the first moment. Unaware of my Valentine.

2 months. 2 months since truth or dare, you trusted me with your secret, the unrequited love. I was still unaware.

1 month. 1 month since the late nights, the heartache you felt, the time I just wanted to let you know everything would be okay. Unaware.

1 week. 1 week since the alcohol, the dancing, the second moment. Drunkenly aware.

1 day. 1 day since you let me in, since you ate just so I could, since the third moment. I finally became aware.

Today. Today you are still unaware. Unaware of your strength, your courage and your worth.

Unaware that you don’t deserve all this pain, this heartache, this self-hate.

Unaware how your smile is contagious, that your heart is pure and made of gold, how talented you are.

How I wish I could make you aware of all these things.

Today. Today I am still unaware.

Unaware of many things about you, your moments of weakness, your true sadness, the moments you just want to give up.

How I wish I could make you aware of how much you are loved.

Unaware of how happy I am when you are around, how all my worries and anxieties disappear for just those moments, how safe you make me feel when we hug.

Unaware of how much you mean to me, how much I want to be there for you at the end of the day, of how much I love you.

As I lie here awake next to you

Your sleeping warm body

Watching you sleep and hearing the sounds of you breathing

I rub my nose against your face, as I lie awake

Tracing my finger tips against your bare skin

Your smile; I tried to picture it When you weren’t around To show off your white perfectly aligned teeth. I do not fail, oh no; You come in my dreams every day, I have come to memorize it I have a sharp memory anyway. Maybe someday We’ll lock our orbs in a pastel trance. My own in wonder of your unexpected presence, Yours in recollection of all things past tense. On a very vivacious meeting, We were enclosed by a cordial infatuation. You kept chuckling at me from the outside of the circle. I often got mired in your white smile. One day you told me, ‘Write’ And I tried to compose just an episode of my heavenly flam. The next day I said, ‘Learn my melody’ And you intoned your own musical prayer. I do not dote upon you Or your heavenly smile. But I do not deny mild affinity to the beautiful being that you are. “Infatuation” is too harsh a term for it. “Fascination” wouldn’t do justice. Maybe something more subtle? The average minds cannot fathom What I think or feel about you. I’d like to see your pensive visage, Your serene taciturn somber face Break into a smile more beautiful Than your silence and gravity. Someday, you’ll sport a ghost smile quite genuinely. All I will do is return your gladsome smile. To our destined and perhaps unplanned for fates we’ll reconcile. We shall not halt to speak or regret or even miss, And that final reassuring glance will be our eternal release. We’ll both turn away in a vow to not glance back. All memories shared we’ll deep within us sack. This meeting and parting would be merry, remorseless, and our last. And in mutual credence we’ll be entombed in one another’s past. You’d smile, and I’d smile too triumphantly, Like some forlorn battle vanquished gloriously.

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I wrote this poem a few months back. After reading the book "All the Bright Places", I realized the similarities between the contexts of the story and the poem were just too uncanny. My best friend, @naqzter , for whom I wrote the poem on his 17th birthday, told me to post it. :")

@jenniferniven I really hope you somehow read this. It'd mean the world to me. I love your writings, and you so much!! xxx