#youcantfixthis

so today I've read a detailed report of the timeline, actions, medical reports and texts leading up to and following my brother's hospitalisation. to see in black and white a medical professional state that if at his last appointment he'd been referred for a CT then it would have been very unlikely that he would have had a second bleed and 80% - 90% chance of a full recovery is a really fucking shit feeling and I think of all the different things that could have happened and that I could have done. I feel like I could explode with all that I'm feeling right now. I wish I could time travel. I wish I could fix this. I wish. I wish. I wish.