#yop.rants

i hate when terfs talk about trans women and they're like "they don't even act like women" and "women aren't like that" like shut the fuck

like ughh i can't even formulate sentences or explain it i just feel gross and wrong seeing that shit

and my mum and her friend are like that about trans women too and i just ughhh

like i was out to my mum as nonbinary and she and her friend were talking like that about trans women in front of me and i didn’t know how to say anything bc her friend is like aggressively opinionated about stuff and i didn’t want to get on her bad side while we were staying at her house for like 4 days

like i don't get terfs. like. how do you not understand gender? i cannot explain how gender works for me to my mum. do cis people not think about how their gender feels to them? do they never consider that in depth? it's such a big part of identity in society, why not consider what it is to you further?

it's really annoying when ignorant people are like "aromantics / aro/aces don't experience love!" like

you know there's other fucking forms of love right? other than romantic or sexual? like you love your fucking family right?

that's. love.

i applied to an electrician program that runs during the first semester of my gr 12 year and if i get in and i like do the program, i can only take 4 courses in total for my gr 12 year. which i means i can only complete the prerequisites for one program i want to apply to while still meeting grad requirements (i really should've taken a social studies course this year.... now i have to take on next year)

so i basically need to choose between applying to all the programs i want to apply to, or doing the electrician program and only being able to apply to one program. the electrician program opens doors but it also closes them :/

unless the courses i complete in the program can count towards my university applications (i need chemistry/another science for most) i am screwed :(

i really want to do the program but like....

it's like "when you're eating the ruch and their spotify plays for 31 minutes witbout ads" and the fork moves towards the camera. which i know it's supposed to be a joke. i get that it's supposed to be a joke.

but like it bugs me that like people would assume someone has a lot money just because they spend money on something like spotify.

personally, i can't go without music. i need to have music downloaded on my phone to experience a good quality of life. currently, the only way i can affordably get that is on spotify. my mum and i have a duo spotify thing because we need music. my mum doesn't make a lot of money; she barely has a liveable wage to raise three teenagers on. but when you don't have much money, it's still important to treat yourself to good things that improve your quality of life because life is more than just surviving.

hmm. no. was not impressed.

having friends who i can tell actually value me and care me has been such a learning experience. like i have no time for people who want to be friends but don't actually care about being a good friend to me. i feel loved, so why would i waste my time on someone that will not afford me the same love? i'm not quite wording it in the way i want it to come across, but

i put some much into my friendships and i care so much about my friends. i struggle to make friends, so i put so much effort into cultivating friendships. and for that care and love to not be reciprocated, it really really feels shitty. like all my hard work and care has just been completely disregarded because the person i thought was my friend doesn't care about me.

with that person who tried apologize, there was a whole thing that happened with me and that friend group, but long story short: they did nothing and acted in a way that showed they condoned someone else in the group treating me like shit and excluding me. one of the other people in the group apologized like right after and we talked it out so we're still friends, but then this person texts me an apology two months later and expects the same treatment. like ??? you did nothing to stand up for me or anything in that whole situation. why would i forgive you when you're actions don't show anything has really changed. you just feel guilty. the friend who apologized right after promised to do better in the future now that they how they should've handled the situation; they changed their behaviour. you just typed out some words after two months of silence so you could give yourself a pat on the back.

but yeah. in summary, the best apology really is changing your behaviour and i love my friends so very much.