Jan 30, 2018
DM: Which vampire did you attack?
Yollok (sorcerer): Number four. Oh shit, it should have been number one-
DM: It dissolves in a cloud of acid.
Yollok: Never mind!
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DM: Which vampire did you attack?
Yollok (sorcerer): Number four. Oh shit, it should have been number one-
DM: It dissolves in a cloud of acid.
Yollok: Never mind!
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The Pebble: I’ve grabbed the vampire. Can I throw him over the banister?
DM: Roll it.
Petyr (paladin): I’m going up the other staircase.
DM: Sneaking?
Petyr: Nah, I’m going Phantom of the Opera style.
The Pebble: He goes over!
Mercedes (monk): I pounce on him and pummel him!
Iah: I join in pummeling him.
DM: Yollok, are you doing anything during all this?
Mercedes: He’s pissing into a flowerpot with his back to the action.
DM: You’re not a badger lord, but I still want you to make that Nature check.
Mercedes (monk): (small voice) I rolled two 1s.
DM: Really?
Mercedes: But there are no criticals on skill checks, phew.
DM: You were making an attack. An eagle soars in and starts attacking you. Take 7 damage.
Yollok (sorcerer): Mercedes, why are you this way?
Mercedes: I’m trying to figure out my race, play the game!
Yollok (sorcerer): Who’s in the cells when we get to the jail?
DM: Let’s see. A few depressed-looking dog cultists, grandpappy from the haunted house, and the lord who sent you to deal with the ghost goats.
Yollok: But are the vampires here?
DM: No. They were signed out two days ago by the captain.
Mercedes (monk): Ooooh!!! I’m not accusing anyone.
Rhi (playing Mercedes): I dare you to put hot sauce in your drink.
Andy (playing Yollok): No! Okay, yeah.
Rhi: How is it?
Andy: Exactly like it normally is, except also spicy.
Noelani (playing Mary): (sarcastic) Thank you for you dazzling water review.
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Andy (playing Yollok): What do you keep singing?
Noelani (playing Mary): *weird look* It’s Lucky. By Britney?
Andy: Never heard it.
Noelani: You’ve never heard Lucky?
Andy: Nope.
Party: *breaks into harmonised rendition of Lucky*
Andy: Apparently I missed part of the 90s.
Yollok (sorcerer): What about the eagle that flew in to attack Mercedes last time?
DM: It’s still here, but I don’t want to hold up the other six players while Mercedes deals with it.
The Pebble: I don’t mind.
Rupeet: Yeah, I would happily watch that.
Yollok: We’ll wait.
Mercedes (monk): I feel so betrayed, guys.
Noelani (playing Mary): I want to climb up the wall. Do my extra limbs help?
DM: No.
Noelani: Well, am I sticky?
DM: No.
Noelani: Slimy?
DM: No.
Andy (playing Yollok): Lock out toddler.