#yohan angst

Hyunjae gripped my ass and turned me around, he coated he's fingers while Yohan making love out of me, sending me moaning nonstop from pleasure that you're getting from Hyunjae and Yohan, Hyunjae cause of he's fingering your hole while Yohan is kissing you and make's out with you, sending you shivers of the pleasure before "ahh s-slow down please" said y/n to Hyunjae, sending him just moved he's face upside down saying yes, slowly fingering your pink tight hole. Sending Hyunjae licking he's lip's before he spoke "ohh damn your hole is fucking tight" said Hyunjae, that Yohan agreed and spoke "it's more tighter than pussy that we wricked" said Yohan, that Hyunjae just give he's friend a thumbs up, sending you moaning cause of slightly more cause aggressive fingering Hyunjae your hole, while Yohan putting hickey to all over your body "yeah-ahh~" i moaned loudly as he hit my prostate by Hyunjae and putting love mark's by Yohan. "Does it feels good y/n hmm?" both said Yohan and Hyunjae we're circling my soft spot, while Yohan make a romance with you by putting more love marks, seeing that your cock is not being touched so both Yohan and Hyunjae is using their other hand to wanking your already hard and tense cock twitching from pleasure, i felt myself about to cum, before i could say it i came all over their hands. Sends you shivers cause the girl almost cummed manny times, before they fucked him and moaning bitch nonstop, before they both lick their lip's and both spoke "you came without our permission" Hyunjae and Yohan while ready to punished you just like the girl in the video. At first you hesitate's spoke "i'm sorry" you said both too Hyunjae and Yohan, "get's your knee's and suck, cause it's punished time" both said y/n, that you hesitate's to follow their orders, so i put one of their cock while i wanking other one, before i started again sucking the tip in my mouth and started sucked it again, slowly going deeper and deeper till it touched the back of my throat, now i sucking Yohan's cock and now gripped my hair and started to fuck me "fuck your lip's are hot and soft" said Yohan that enjoying your hot and wet mouth. He kept thrusting in my mouth till he came, he's cums felt warm in my mouth, "swallow" said Yohan and i did as he told, before you being grabbed by Hyunjae ready to filled your tight pink hole, he pushed me against the wall and started to kiss me, he picked up my legs put them around he's waist, i put my arms around he's shoulders, he's hands gripped my thighs as he lowered me on he's dick, he started to move in me, Hyunjae look at my neck and started to suck it leaving hickeys.

Slowly moving up and then kissed me passionately, he increased he's speed, i felt myself getting near and near till i came on our stomach, he came deep inside after me shortly after, Hyunjae change from he's expression of fucking session with the girl in before porn video, to a aggressive to lovely cause of way of fucking you, it's more shocking when Hyunjae spoke "i love you" said Hyunjae, sending you shocked too but it's changed, cause it's being interupted by Yohan and ready to filled your tight pink hole and filled it with he's hot seed's. Just like that Yohan is easily entered your hole cause of the lube with some of Hyunjae's cum, after that you're adjust the size and length of he's own cock, he's now penetrating your prostate slow but rough, different from fast pace of penetrating their sex partner in the video, but not like the video we're to avoid to the girl to get pregnant, they cummed outside on he's vagina, but Hyunjae cummed and filled your hole with he's hot seed's. While your prostate is squeezing he's cock, sending him moaning nonstop from pleasure of your hot caverns, while Hyunjae request of blow job he's own cock, now your both hole's is being stuffed by Yohan and Hyunjae's cock, it's not like video that they need just to sex with girl to earn money, cause of time so you're having good sex with them, while Yohan just enjoying your tight hole that already filled with he's friend Hyunjae's cum. That sends him not yet get you hurt more by Yohan's big cock, now Yohan is moaning nonstop from tight squeeze of your tight pink hole, "ohh fuck yesss, keep your fucking hole tight" said Yohan that penetrating your prostate non-stop, but the way of he's pace is getting rougher and harder signaling that he's ready to filled your your hole by he's hot thick cum, luckily you're a man and you can't get pregnant by Hyunjae and Yohan's hot cum and baby batter. That Yohan collapse and you're hugging he's back, slightly filling your hole and thrusting your hole with he's cock until no cum is cummings out inside Yohan's cock, but you're shocked that you're doing Double Penetration, cause Yohan rolled you both, so that you can filled by he's friend too just like the girl they have sex for adult content video, and just like that you're being a double penetrated by Hyunjae and Yohan, cause they want to filled your hole again with their hot cum and baby batter again. While their cock is being touched and kissing inside your hole, while they're penetrating your prostate non-stop of their cock that almost not real from their size, but because you being stuffed by two cock's feel some pain, that you think you're being ripped apart cause of their cock inside your hole, after all you did only threesome and solo sex with hot boys but not double penetration. You're being noticed by both Hyunjae and Yohan, so they stop penetrating your hole, and putting love mark's and kisses you so you removed some pain, so when they penetrated you again by them you don't feel too much pain, when they both penetrated your hole again by them cause they can filled your hole again with their hot cum and baby batter, after that they continue penetrating your prostate non-stop.

You all don't notice the time you're filled nonstop by Hyunjae and Yohan, that like living sex toy a.k.a onahole filling by their hot seed's, that you're being awaken from sting of their cock, fucking and filling your hole by their hot cum and baby batter, cause you see's that both Hyunjae and Yohan are sleeping deeply, that the porn actors that you see fucking a girl porn actor, now you're having good sex after all left and you're being with Hyunjae and Yohan by their cum. That you don't noticed Yohan is being awaken and spoke "Good morning baby" said Yohan before kissing you, while Hyunjae's cock is poking your back and ready to filled your tight pink hole again, that sends Yohan he's friend laughing before he spoke "ohh look at that y/n, my friend is ready to filled your tight pink hole again" said Yohan to he's friend from porn industry, that sends Hyunjae before he spoke "ohh really you're the mind in he's butt, a.k.a the pornographer that we video do" said Hyunjae ready to filled your hole. After that you have a sex sessions with them as a porn actor now, we're you collab with their friends in next time we're you're making video, we're you're moaning cause of being recked by Sangyeon and Hwall, we're Hyunjae friends in the porn industry and Yohan's friend's like Taeyong, Jeno, Hongseok etc in a huge porn company.

Everyone was sitting in a round, some having few cans of alcohol next to them and others starting to flirt between each other. One bottle was in the middle spinning and determining everyone’s fate. You were already feeling a little bit tipsy, giggling every now and then when everyone had to come up with their dare.

“So now it’s Seungyoun’s turn, truth or dare?” Hangyul looked at him as if he didn’t know the answer.

“What do you take me for? Dare.” His voice made your skin feel tingles and your heart beat faster.

“Chug that whole beer down now.” Some of the guys complained but Hangyul shut them up. I knew what his intention was: Seungyoun would get drunk with literally very little alcohol, so this was a good plan, at least to embarrass him and make the party more fun. Your friend didn’t hesitate as he drank it all in record time, laughing as some spilled down the borders of his mouth.

The bottle spun again and pointed in your direction for the first time in the night. The question was made and you knew that the ‘dare’ option was much worse than the other, so you went for the safe one despite everyone booing at you.

“Who are you into?” It surprised you that the one asking was Yohan this time, but as soon as you processed the question, you started to feel your cheeks get red.

“Aye, we all know that already.” Wooseok stared at Yohan as if reprimanding him, but he seemed to genuinely not know about it.

“Why would you ask such a boring question... Anyway, it’s me.” Seungyoun’s words already sounded a bit blurry, if that was possible, and the laugh he let out after saying it made you feel a little upset. “Let’s move on already, someone has to make out or something.”

Everyone had gone silent at Seungyoun’s comment but quickly continued to your relief, the embarrassment being too much. You stayed there for a few minutes so no one would get too suspicious and then got up, using as an excuse that you weren’t feeling very well at the moment so you were going to go back.

“Are you sure you are going to be fine? The alcohol seemed to have gotten to you a bit.” Seungwoo seemed genuinely worried, watching you as you stood up. “Let Yohan accompany you, at least he knows taekwondo.”

“I know taekwondo too!” Hangyul seemed offended by no one remembering that.

“Maybe, but I don’t trust you.”

Yohan stood up without complaining at all and picked up your purse. You two went out of the house and started walking in silence until he took a deep breath and opened and closed his mouth three times before being able to let out the words he had been holding back.

“I’m sorry about the truth thing... I really didn’t know it was Seungyoun.”

You chuckled at his comment, he really looked apologetic.

“It’s ok, they all knew anyway.”

“So... Since when do you like him?” Why was he so curious about it? He could ask any of the other guys... But maybe it was better if he heard it from your lips and not through jokes and sarcasm.

“A few years. I guess I’m not really good at hiding my feelings because somehow everyone noticed I liked him.” You looked at him. “Well, maybe not everyone but you get the point.”

“Ah... I’m the complete opposite. I can hide them pretty well.”

“That’s not true.”

His eyes went wide and his ears were slightly pink.

“W-What do you mean? Do you know anything o-or...”

“See, right now you just panicked. I was joking around but I was right, huh?” He lowered his head, getting shy as you laughed it out.

“And... what did he say about it?”

“He... He never really said anything. He knew but never asked me about it, but since he didn’t go into ‘cold and distant’ mode I feel like he rejected me very subtly, you know? So we are just friends.”

“Oh, so tonight was the first time he talked about it?” You stopped walking, the embarrassment turning softly into sadness. Since Seungyoun never mentioned anything related to the rumors and often ignored their friends joking about it, you had a little, tiny bit of hope that he might like you back... But tonight that fantasy shattered.

“Yeah... The alcohol must have made him release it all.” Yohan noticed the sad look in your eyes, the way your feet dragged, your fingers fidgeting and your whole posture just changing.

“He’s an idiot.” Your eyes went open wide at the confession and he realized what he had just said. “I mean... he could have talked with you to just clear things out. It’s not fair that you still like him when he didn’t even try to reply to your feelings... I know he is older than me and all but, that’s just rude.”

He was right. You hadn’t seen it from that point of view... Despite knowing everything, he didn’t even try to come up to terms with it nor anything. Did he like knowing that you would be there no matter what? Was he afraid of you leaving if he rejected you? Whatever the reason, it wasn’t fair. He should have rejected you from the start, like a decent person!

You simply nodded and smiled at Yohan and continued the way back to your apartment. He waited for you to get in before waving his hand at you and turning around. Your head hurt with every single train of thought colliding between them, the knot in your throat making it hard for you to cry tonight events easily. You undressed and put just a big shirt on, the one that was for when you felt lonely, curled up in your bed and closed your eyes. This time you were giving up on Seungyoun for real.

Morning came and you were ready to face anything... Or so you thought. The minute you saw Seungyoun, every little emotion came back to you, every single memory from last night did too, but apparently he didn’t remember anything because he gave you that big, dorky smile.

“It’s my favorite girl who came to visit at work~” You knew he didn’t mean it, and that he said it to practically anyone who gave him some food, but your stomach still flipped three times.

“Yeah, yeah, just shut up and take it.”

“What is today’s lunch?”

“I don’t know, I picked a random one.” Yeah, sure.

“Random one? But it’s my favorite food...” He overreacted by faking some tears, having his hand over his heart and letting out what was pretty much a howl.

“You eat anything, you literally don’t have a favorite food, now you should get your own food, you know?” Even if you meant it, it still made you feel slightly special to see the rest of the girls at the cafe staring at you.

“If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to see you every day~” What the fuck was up with him today. Before you could say something, Yohan appeared behind the coffee machine.

“Ah, y/n, you’re here today as well.” You nodded and he gave you a small smile. “Hyung, your break finished like fifteen minutes ago, can you hurry up and help?”

“You could treat me better, my head is killing me today.”

“Boohoo, don’t get wasted if you can’t handle it.”

You sat at one of the tables and opened your laptop to work on the group project you were assigned... although you were the only one genuinely making it. The drink that was left at your table distracted you from the frustration that was starting to form in your system. You lifted up and saw Yohan’s shy smile.

“I saw you scrunching up your nose so I thought this might help... It’s supposed to make headaches go away too.” You were at a loss of words, but there was nothing you had to say. “Is that the group assignment? The one that’s due tomorrow?”

“Don’t even mention it. My teammate literally took off and did nothing of what I asked them for, so...”

“That sucks. Maybe next time we can be together. I’ll work on it, I promise.” You knew he did. He got high grades despite working part-time and was extremely responsible. It seemed like last night conversation got you two closer.

“That would be nice, yeah.”

Yohan went back to work and you tasted the drink. It was exactly the kind of flavor you liked. You looked back at the counter and saw Yohan with a proud smile on his face while preparing the rest of the orders, although it might have been your imagination. You didn’t focus on Seungyoun for the rest of the day.

A few weeks had passed since The Night™ and you had come to one conclusion: in order to get over Seungyoun, you needed to stop seeing him. You hadn’t noticed until then, but you saw him almost every single day. It had been five days and multiple “are you coming today?” since you had last seen him, but today was the exception: Yohan had kept his proposal of being in the next assignment together so you were going to your apartment to study. He said that he would go as soon as his shifted but this was a good opportunity to see if Seungyoun still had the same effect on you as he did before, so you replied that you were going to wait for him at work. It felt weird to just drop there, especially after how much he had helped you with the whole crush thing, so you decided to prepare him a lunch as a way to say “thank you for not leaving my sad ass alone and helping me with this subject that I hate so much.”

You opened the door to the café and Seungyoun’s face lightened up. You panicked. He didn’t.

“Finally! I missed you bringing me food~” He snatched the bag from your hands and tilted his head. “Wait, homemade? You never cook me any food–”

“That’s because it’s not for you, dumbass.” You grabbed the lunch bag and handed it to Yohan who was witnessing everything from behind the counter, his eyes getting bigger as he saw the food.

“For me?”

“Yeah, you know... Thanks for... Uh...” nervousness suddenly hit you up: you didn’t really know what his favorite food was, nor if he would like that at all, maybe you had fucked up somewhere. “Ah! You don’t have to accept it, really, it was just... Really stupid, I’m sorry, I’ll take it back–” You had no time to finish as he grabbed a spoon and took the food straight into his mouth, one gulp and it was gone. “What... What are you doing?! You weren’t supposed to eat it!” You leaned over the counter to try to take it from his hands but he turned around and kept eating without saying one word.

A few steps behind, Seungyoun was watching the scene without understanding a lot. Since when did you two got along so well? Why had you been avoiding him? Why there was no food for him? Why there was homemade food for Yohan? He didn’t know the answer for any of those questions, and neither for the sharp sting he felt while looking at you laughing with Yohan.

“Can I talk to you for a bit?” Seungyoun voice was heard loud enough for you to stop fighting with Yohan. You weren’t sure who he was talking to, but his posture wasn’t aiming at you.

“Uh, sure hyung. Y/n, why don’t you wait outside? I just have to take off the apron and I’m ready to go.” You nodded and grabbed the empty food recipient.”Oh, by the way, it tasted really good.” You could almost feel your cheeks getting hotter at the unexpected compliment and got out quickly before anyone could notice it.

Seungyoun did, though, and he couldn’t take that picture off his head. That face... He had been the only one that had seen it: your red cheeks and sparkly eyes whenever he talked to you. What did everything this meant...

“So, you and y/n seem to be getting along pretty well, right?” he asked as Yohan took off his apron and grabbed his backpack.

“You could say so, yes.”

“Do you like her?” The younger stopped on his tracks, the tip of his ears burning up. So he does.

“W-well, I don’t know, why are you asking that?” The stuttering came out of nowhere.

“Just wanted to know. Since when?”

“...” Yohan wasn’t sure how good this could be. “A year or so.”

“I see... Good luck, then.”

As his friend left, Seungyoun clenched his teeth. There was no reason for him to be angry nor feeling betrayed, but he did nonetheless. He broke two cups and got wrong three orders that day.

“Finally last day of semester!” You exclaimed as classes finished, Yohan at your side just laughing at you. “And we aced the group project~ We should celebrate or something, don’t you think?”

“Let’s go to an arcade. I haven’t gone in forever.”

“Me neither... Sounds fun~” You continued chit chatting for a while. Now you two were almost like best friends. Almost. Almost because there was this tingly feeling whenever Yohan smiled at you or when you saw him practicing taekwondo that wasn’t what “friends” felt, but the experience with Seungyoun left you exhausted so you just pushed that feeling to the back of your mind and put a lock on it.

“What the...” You followed his gaze and saw Seungyoun at the entrance. With flowers. Looking at you.

“What are you doing here? And what’s with the flowers?” It was easier to talk with him now. There was no butterflies, no teary eyes, no blushing.

“For you. Happy end of semester.”

“Isn’t that for when you graduate or something?” You giggled accepting the bouquet.

“Shhh, even a small achievement deserves recognition. What are you doing today? Let me treat you to dinner.”

“Uh, now I’m going with Yohan to celebrate our grades but, maybe later? I’ll let you know, yeah?” Seungyoun nodded as he dropped his head, a millisecond later giving you a bright smile, saying goodbye and walking away. “What a weirdo... Anyway, let’s go!”

You didn’t see Yohan’s face and he was so glad of it, because you would have realized how dumb his expression looked and how he couldn’t hide his smile as you took his hand and ran to the arcade.

It was nice being surrounded by old video games. You two had your fun winning and losing over and over again, laughing at each other, and it was hilarious to see how competitive Yohan could really be. You were used to see his calm and carefree side, but the stare in his eyes when he wanted to win was something else. You were focused on the way his proud smile appeared until you noticed he was giving you something: a puppy. Well, a stuffed animal, but still a puppy.

“Here, this is my ‘thank you’, take it.” You looked at the soft toy and then at him, back and forth a few times, until you realized.

“It looks like you!” he mumbled a small ‘what’ before staring at the dog. “You two look the same. I’ll call it Yohanie. I like him, he’s cute~” you grabbed it and played with it for a while, whilst Yohan simply stared at you trying not to die.

“Let’s get some ice cream.” 

As you two walked and ate the ice cream with Yohanie being held tight between your arms, the real one stopped right in front of your building. 

“What is it?” You asked, looking around to see if he had dropped his cone or something.

“I really need to tell you something but promise you won’t talk until I finish, yeah?”

“... This sounds like you’re going to tell me that you murdered someone.” He gave you a ‘really?’ stare and you laughed. “Fine, fine, I promise.”

“Here we go...” It seemed like he was trying to recall some kind of monologue. Cute indeed. “I like you.” What. “I really like you, I have for a year and a half, practically, but I had heard that you were into someone and when I found out it was Seungyoun, I just couldn’t bring myself to confess. I thought it was going to be easy to just let it go but when you said that you were going to give up on him, I just couldn’t help but too see a ray of hope. Ah, but I haven’t been helping you because of that! I’m really not waiting for you to say ‘yes’ out of compromise, actually, it’s totally ok if you reject me, I might run away but that’s not big deal. I just... What I wanted to say is that I like you. That’s it.”

No words came out of your mouth.

You were lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, only the moonlight coming through the window. How come he liked you? Since that much time? But you two weren’t even close until the night of the party... How come you didn’t notice? Was he really that good at hiding his emotions? You just wanted to scream into the pillow and choke on it. Your phone screen lighted up and you almost fell off the bed while trying to reach it.

Seungyoun:

21:43 - So... Are you free?

You turned around in bed. You forgot about him with everything going on.

Y/n:

21:45 - Yeah, but I’m not feeling really well right now...

Just a little, small, tiny lie wouldn’t hurt, right?

Seungyoun:

21:46 - What? Wait, I’m close to your apartment. I’ll be there in a bit.

He disconnected before you could even reply anything. Well, there was no use in avoiding him. Maybe you could vent out with him? Sometimes he was good at listening and giving advice.

Fifteen minutes later, you heard a soft knock on your door. There was no use in asking, you could sense him already. You opened and saw his worried face, a little bit of sweat running down his face, his breathing unsteady.

“Wait.. Did you run here? You said you were close!”

“You said... You were feeling unwell so... Here...” he handed you a bag with medicine and entered, almost passing out on your sofa. The guilt started creeping out as you saw his eyes closed and his head thrown back.

“Have some water. Thank you for the medicine.”

“Sure, no problem...” he gave it a sip and calmed down a bit. “So, how did it go?”

“Huh? Ah, yeah, good, it was nice. We went to an arcade and ate some ice cream...” You avoided the last part, not being able to look him in the eyes.

“That’s great.” Silence fell between you two, the atmosphere turning awkward real fast. “Do you like him?” His question took you by surprise.

“What–”

“Because I like you.” More silence. What the actual fuck. You raised your head but he was staring at the ceiling. “I don’t know since when. I realized not long ago. To be honest, it was when I saw you playing with him at the café. I was confused. Everyone said you liked me and you never denied it so I thought it was just a joke, or not that deep, since you never confessed to me directly. I ignored it because I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” It was too much for you to process. “I didn’t understand why you had gotten so cold with me until Hangyul told me about the thing at the party. I didn’t remember, so I’m really sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn’t know how to bring it up to you because you were always busy with something else, so I’m saying it now. Sorry if I’m too late and sorry for everything else, too.”

You said nothing. You couldn’t believe it at all. It made no sense. Why all of a sudden? Sure you had been avoiding him but maybe if he had tried to explain before? Or simple said it was an emergency or something? Ah, but it wasn’t all his fault, really... It’s true that you never confessed, you never asked how he felt. You were to blame as well. You just assumed he wasn’t interested in you, accepted it and lived on, but didn’t actually communicate with him.

“Yohan confessed to me. A few hours ago.”

“Oh.”

“I accepted.”

“... Oh.”

The silence was unbearable. The tension was making you feel sick. Maybe it was good that he brought the medicine.

“I just–”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything and much less apologize, yeah? I was selfish to come here and just blurt out everything. I should have noticed sooner.” He gave you a smile but it somehow seemed the saddest one ever. “Thank you, really. We can just keep it like before! You two are great friends for me and I’m really happy, for both of you, I mean it.” You said nothing. “I guess I... I will be leaving now. Make sure to take the medicine and get better soon, yes? Call me if you need anything.”

And just like that he left. Your chest felt heavy, as if you hadn’t made the right decision, as if you had to run after him. You stared at the sofa, Seungyoun’s flowers and next to it, Yohanie. You unconsciously smiled, and things seemed pretty clear. It wasn’t wrong. You deserved this, didn’t you? Have someone who likes you and who you like too. A new chapter and a new beginning, not reading the previous pages, just enjoy writing the new ones.

You received a message.

Yohanie (the real life one):

22:26 - Let’s go on a date tomorrow~ Any movie you want to watch?

You smiled at the screen. You made the right choice.

Did I make the right choice? I have no fucking clue but I’m crying.

~Nani

“but it’s the first week! you have to go out and make friends.”

you roll your eyes, scrolling through the hotel del luna episode list, pondering whether you should just watch it all over again from the start or only watch your favorite episodes; flashbacks of chung myung and man weol or when chung myung finally shows himself after 1,300 years. 

“i don’t necessarily have to go to clubs just to make friends.”

“just for once, please. you have to try living a university life since you didn’t live one during college.” seungyoun continues, this guy doesn’t know how to give up.

you groan, becoming frustrated, “for fuck’s sake, seungyoun. i said no and out of all people, you know the best that if i say no, it means no. just go have fun with others.”

“fine,” he sighs, “it would be a lot more fun with you.”

you eye him suspiciously, “you always went clubbing without me during college anyways.”

“okay, cool. i’m really glad you are not coming with me. thank god.” he scoffs, low-key offended by how you just denied his way of expressing his feelings.

knowing that he’s just messing with you, you just wave him off to leave your room quickly. he huffs, storming out of your room only after ruffling your hair. 

you have a pretty okay-size group of friends, consisting of 14 people including you. other 2 boys and you are the only ones who don’t drink, smoke and go out to clubs or parties.

people think you are scared of those kinds of places or you just have really strict parents but none of that is true. you just don’t like the idea of them. you don’t understand why some people pay to just dance with some strangers.

but again, everyone’s different. just like how you don’t understand the way your friends have fun, they also don’t get how you think watching movies and just staying home is fun.

back in college, you used to share a flat with four girls and you are not really close with them. you would greet each other when you see at the halls or at the shared kitchen but that’s it. 

when you first arrived, you tried making conversations but the answers were always cut short, making you conclude that they are just not very sociable but when you saw the four of them getting along with each other really well, talking in their own language, you realized that maybe it’s just the language barrier.

plus, you’ve never heard of them speaking in english. 

anyways, whenever seungyoun visits your room which is like seven times a day, your flatmates were quick to guess that he’s your boyfriend. it’s funny because it’s not only your flatmates who had that idea, literally almost everyone back in college thought that. 

you wouldn’t exactly blame them. you guys were best friends, literally always together. this year, thankfully, you are not sharing a flat with anyone but seungyoun of course, takes that as his advantage to stay in your room almost 24/7. him living on the same floor as you doesn’t quite make the situation better. 

you decide to watch episode 14 of hotel del luna and you are not surprised when you find yourself wanting to munch on something as you watch the drama. tesco is just 2-3 minutes walk away. therefore, you quickly grab your winter jacket and leave the dorm building. 

you came for two things; the packet of 5 chocolate doughnuts, the melted chocolate pudding and pringles. yes, you have a sweet tooth. your friends keep warning you that if you continue eating this much sweets, you might end up getting diabetes but it’s not like you can help it.

with your poor eyesight, you search for the pack of 5 chocolate doughnuts on the shelves after finding the other two items. those are often out of stock or they just run out quickly.

when you suddenly see a guy grabbing a very similar looking pack of doughnuts from the bottom row, an accidental “wait, no!” slips out of your mouth.

his movements freeze aside from his head which turns to look at you, “sorry?”

“sorry.” you apologetically smile, bending down to look if there’s anymore left.

sighing when you find none, you stand straight back up just to see the guy still standing in the very same position from a minute ago.

you blink, “everything okay there?”

“yeah, um, were you searching for these?” he asks, slightly waving the very sweet looking pack of doughnuts in his hand.

“yes,” you nod. “it’s fine, you can have it.”

“i didn’t say i was going to give it to you though.”

embarrassment floods into your system that very moment. right, he never even hinted that he was going to give it to you.

seeing your reaction, the guy chuckles, “i’m just kidding. you can have it.”

“are you sure?” you ask, hoping he would say yes.

he nods eagerly, “i just wanted to give it a try but seeing how much you want them, they must be really good.”

“they are!” you reply, jumping slightly and he finds it cute.

you don’t know that, of course.

“i will give you two. i will show you a whole new world.” you grin cheekily, striding your way towards the cashier to quickly pay for the doughnuts which are now in your hand.

you don’t even remember how they end up in your hand but that’s not important.

“how do i give you these?” you ask, stepping out of tesco with the guy whom you still don’t know the name of. 

“where do you live?”

you look at him wearily. he’s cute, actually really cute. he can even be an actor or idol right away with his looks. also, you are pretty sure he’s korean.

no, you are not a koreaboo. you are just pretty good at guessing people and their ethnicities. 

despite him being really good-looking and cute at the same time, it’s 11 pm. it’s still kinda dangerous for you to be telling him where you live and all that. what if he suddenly takes out a pocket knife and threatens you or worst, kills you?

if this was a kdrama, and both of you were the main leads, you would be shipping hard already, because you know, a bad guy and a good girl makes a good cringe love story.

but this is reality. if he does that, you are dead. there’s nothing else after that, no love, no romance.

“where do you live?” you throw back the question at him. 

“do you know the student dorm right at the top of the hill?”

“i live there too!” you immediately respond. too much for being cautious of a stranger, y/n.

but if he actually lives there, it’s not bad. is it?

“okay, i’m yohan. first year.” he suddenly introduces, holding out his hand.

“after like 10 minutes of talking --” you quickly cut yourself off, “y/n. first year as well.”

“i doubt it has been 10 minutes of talking.”

“i’m sure it has been 10 minutes or even more than that.”

“so,” he pauses as the both of you are now surrounded with the dormitory buildings. “which block are you in?”

“A, and you must be A too?” you ask, seeing the way his plump lips turn into a shape of o the moment you replied.

“let’s go!” he happily hops towards block A, looking back to see if you are still following him.

“i’ve never seen you in college.” you say, watching him press the elevator button after entering block A.

“i did a-levels so i didn’t need college.”

you nod, understanding, “no wonder.”

“what major are you doing, by the way?” he asks. 

“computer science. i have no idea why i chose that as well.”

“i chose --” his answer is interrupted by the sound of the elevator doors sliding open. and there stands a very familiar person in it.

both of you chorus, “why are you here?”  

“did you not go to the club?”

“i turned back,” seungyoun answers, eyeing yohan before laying his eyes on you. “you? why did you leave your phone in your room?!”

“i did?” you gasp, putting your hands in your jacket’s pockets to realize that you really did. “i forgot. i went to tesco in a rush.”

“you got me all worried.” he groans, but the relief evident in his voice.

seungyoun grabs your wrist softly and pulls you into the elevator with yohan following behind, already thinking that seungyoun must be your boyfriend.

because, what kind of friend reacts that way?

“oh, seungyoun! this is yohan.” you gesture between the two of them.

“are you korean?” seungyoun asks carefully, to which yohan nods with a big grin.

“yes!” he replies in korean, “i haven’t met any koreans since i moved in here.”

“oh, me too.” seungyoun chuckles, both of them now conversing in korean. “but i know with a few korean people.”

“a few, my ass.” you interrupt and seungyoun quickly shuts you off, “stop being a koreaboo.”

okay, so you do understand korean pretty well due to the amount of korean dramas you watched since 10 years old. but that’s it. you just somehow started realizing that you do actually understand korean and started watching some shows without needing subtitles anymore.

but promise, you definitely are not a koreaboo. seungyoun always like to tease you that you are though because he likes the offended expression you always give him.

“you understand korean?” yohan asks, looking pretty shocked and impressed.

“like i said, she’s a koreab--” seungyoun answers before you can but you interrupt him by elbowing him in the guts. 

you see how yohan opens his mouth to say something but the ding from the elevator indicates that you have arrived at the third floor, which is where both you and seungyoun live.

“see you later, then.” you wave at yohan and step out of the elevator, seungyoun mirroring your actions.

yohan watches the way seungyoun circles his arm around your shoulders as the two of you walk away, as if it’s a habit or whatsoever.

even though he’s sixty percent sure you guys are a couple, he decides to not come to a conclusion quickly. with his good looks, it’s no surprise that girls are interested in him. 

but he only has guy friends. whenever a conversation comes up between him and a girl, it always turns out awkward. mostly, because, the girl is too shy and timid once she starts talking to someone this charming and good-looking.

yohan who’s a really humble person doesn’t think this. it’s always his friends who point out that he’s too good-looking for girls to not be shy when talking to him. 

y/n is a different story, all the way from tesco to the dorm, the conversation flowed smoothly. it almost felt as if they just didn’t see each other for the first time 15 minutes ago. 

“I’m going to vomit.” You bluntly stated. Your aunt merely stared at you with empty eyes. You looked up at her with anxiety.

“Sure you are, sweetie.” She responded, flipping through her magazine. 

“No, Aunt Minkyung, I’m really going to fucking vomit.” You murmured, and then you rushed to the bathroom and basically hurled your guts out. You heard Aunt Minkyung release a sigh of exhaustion, and then she walked over to you and stroked your back. You puked for about another thirty seconds, until there was nothing else to regurgitate. 

After cleaning yourself up, you trod down the seemingly endless flight of stairs from your aunt’s apartment and then walked to school. You didn’t miss the way Aunt Minkyung looked at you--with pitiful eyes. 

You were supposed to take the bus, but you were very early today, so you’d have to wait for the bus to arrive. And, since you know yourself quite well, you would somehow find your way back to Aunt Minkyung’s, and there would be no convincing you to go to school.

You appreciated the beauty of Seoul while walking through the streets. You grew up in a small town just outside of Busan, so Seoul was something new and exciting to you. The only time you would go to Seoul was to visit your Aunt Minkyung, and now you were living with her.

You pushed away from the thoughts of the past, not wanting to dwell on something so horrid on your first day of school. You had the opportunity to create a new beginning, nobody in this huge city knew you. You would be fine…

Finally, the large building you were looking for was in your sight. Kids of various ages poured in and out of the building. The moment you walked past the gates, you felt your throat start to close up. Your ears started to ring, and it felt like everybody stopped their conversations and just stopped to stare at you.

You swore you could hear somebody call you a murderer, when in reality nobody paid any attention to you. Not one person even glanced at you.

You felt your hands clam up as you went through the breathing exercises Dr. Yoon taught you. You felt an eerie sense of serenity wash over you, and then you forced yourself to walk into your new school.

After getting everything situated with the front office, you were directed to your new classroom. 

You were in Class Four, which apparently was a “wild bunch” (at least according to the secretary). All the other words she spoke to you faded into the background, 

You finally found the classroom which was already filled with an abundance of students in it. You took a deep breath and almost opened the door, until that little voice in your head that you had grown to hate spoke up.

Run away and never come back.

You closed your eyes tightly and went through more of the breathing exercises you were taught by Dr. Yoon.

Just go, nobody will ever know.

Inhale once. Count to five. Exhale once. Count to ten.

Before you could make up your mind, a boy with black hair and big brown eyes opened the door, looking at you cluelessly.

“Hello?” He greeted questioningly. You opened your eyes and stared at him straight in the eye. And then you smiled.

“Hi.” You grinned, and then you walked past the confused boy and into the classroom. This time, people did actually stare at you. You continued grinning.

“Ah! Are you Y/L/N Y/N?” The teacher asked you. You nodded and then bowed. Your teacher, Mr. Kang, brought you to the front of the room and asked you to introduce yourself. All you did was nod while falsely smiling. 

“Hi,” You began, “I’m Y/L/N Y/N.” 

The class stared at you, waiting for you to continue. You inhaled a sharp breath, not really knowing what to say.

“I’m from Busan.” You said, not wanting to tell the whole truth. If you told them the exact small town you were from, people could find out what you were in a heartbeat. 

Before anybody could ask you any questions, you sat next to some random boy in the back of the class, with dyed light brown hair. 

You tried to ignore the bubble of anxiety in your stomach, but it was there and quite prominent at any given moment. Even after the excitement of having a new student died down, you still felt that indestructible pit of terror.

Soon, your first lesson of the day ended, and the boy you sat next to soon started to talk to you.

“Hi.” He said with a smile. You waved silently with an awkward grin. “I’m Lee Hangyul!”

“I’m Y/L/N Y/N.” You responded, not knowing where this odd endeavor was going to go. Out of sheer instinct, you turned around when he was about to talk to you again, not wanting to engage in any conversation.

You were exhausted, to say the least. You had slept for two hours, and you just weren’t properly functioning. So, when Hangyul tapped your shoulder, you practically jumped out of your skin from the sudden contact.

When you turned to face him, his expression was nothing short of humorous. He looked very entertained, to say the least.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” He admitted, biting his lip to prevent himself from giggling.

“You can laugh, it’s okay.” You sighed. Hangyul then obliged, letting out a soft chuckle. Before you could turn around again, Hangyul’s friend came over to the two of you.

“Hey, Y/N, right? I’m Yohan.” He greeted, and you shot him a genuine smile. His angelic-like features almost left you speechless. He was tall, slim yet muscular, and quite handsome. You were drawn in from the get-go. You recognized him as the boy you saw before you entered the classroom. 

“Hi, Yohan.” You said, not knowing how to continue the conversation. Much to your luck, Yohan was quite the conversationalist. So, he pulled up a seat next to you and the two of you began talking, along with Hangyul. You learned a lot about the two boys, and by the end of the day, it was safe to say that you were interested in Yohan. His kind and gentle aura reeled you in.

Hangyul seemed a little bit odd, but in a friendly kind of way. Since it was the beginning of the school year, you hadn’t missed much. The two boys offered to help you with schoolwork, which made you feel much more comfortable and less anxious. 

Overall, it was a rather docile day. You didn’t want to dwell on it, even if your mind kept running back to Yohan and his cute smile. It was a weird feeling, being in the first stage of having a crush. You didn’t know him well enough to say that you genuinely liked him, but you interested enough to want to know more. 

The second day of school came sooner than you anticipated. That day, you talked to a boy named Song Hyeongjun, who was a quiet kid in your class. You found yourself enjoying his company. Suddenly, you felt comfortable. You lay on your bed in your aunt’s apartment, recollecting the moments of your day. You didn’t want to jump the gun, but you felt that you could grow accustomed to this school, and the people.

You hoped to God you weren’t wrong.

-

Time meshed into one big timeline of getting to know Yohan and Hangyul, realizing that you definitely had a crush on Yohan, and trying to get by academically. A month had already passed, making you feel dizzy due to the speed that it crept up on you.

One day while in class, you couldn’t help but overhear some of the popular girls from your class talking about you. They whispered insulting and degrading words, and although you tried your best, you just couldn’t shake them off. You went over the breathing exercises Dr. Yoon taught you, but they just weren’t enough.

Nothing was enough--you weren’t enough. You would never be enough, according to those girls, according to Yohan, and especially according to you. You left the classroom out of the blue, already piquing the class’s interest. 

You ran to the girl’s bathroom, refusing to go in since you heard some chatter. All you could do was stand there and go over some fucking breathing exercises, since that was all you knew. Just breathe, goddammit. 

Is that all you’ll ever amount to? Some mentally crippled girl who can’t handle a few mean kids talking shit about her? The tears began to fall. 

A few years ago--wait, no--even just a year ago, you would stand up for yourself and tell those girls to shut their mouths. But now? After everything that happened, you found yourself broken. 

You remembered the words of the townsfolk from your old home, the malicious words that led you to believe you were a murderer. 

It felt as if your entire world was shattered. You thought you would never get past this trauma, no matter how much therapy you would undertake. You were destined to be nothing.

Interrupting your internal chaos, Yohan came rushing to you with concern etched onto his features. 

“Y/N...Are you okay?” He asked, worry laced into his voice. You sniffled a bit and forced your tears to halt.

“Yeah, Yohan, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” You weakly whispered, your entire body burning with embarrassment. God, why did he have to be so damn nice? 

“You can tell me anything, you know,” Yohan began, “even if it’s hard to say. I’m good at listening.” 

Your eyes bore into his doe-like ones, and you couldn’t help but admire his beauty amid the dim light of the school hallways. The building itself was new, but it didn’t have modern architecture. It was a charming little place, and Kim Yohan made it even more charming.

“Thank you.” You whispered, swallowing the lump in your throat. Even if you thought he’d leave you the moment he found out the truth, his words were comforting for the time being. So, you let yourself be comforted. 

You let yourself fall.

-

That night, you arrived home at your aunt’s quaint apartment. The moment you walked in, Minkyung pointed to an envelope on the coffee table.

“For you. It’s from your father.”

That made you shiver. You never looked forward to your father’s emotionless and lacking letters, but you read them because you had to. He was your father and your only parent. You opened the white envelope with shaky hands. The moment you saw how long the letter was, you decided to look around the room to get your mind off of it. The apartment had beige walls and an eating kitchen. There was a bedroom at the end of the tiny hallway, along with a bathroom to the right and your room. Random tacky paintings were scattered on the wall, and a television that Aunt Minkyung adored sat on a stand along with some DVDs and random wires. A window was directly left to the TV, which let in a cool breeze. 

No matter how much you tried to distract yourself from the letter, it was to no avail. Your apprehensive eyes scanned the paper.

Y/N,

How are you? Sorry I haven’t been sending many letters lately, I’ve had so much work lately. Anyway, I’ll cut right to the chase--I sent you your mother’s necklace. I thought you deserved to have it more than me…

Your eyes darted to the shining object. You were seldom surprised, since you thought you had seen it all. Yet, you couldn’t help but soak in the utter shock you felt. You hadn’t noticed its glimmering presence on the coffee table, but now it was all you could see. Aunt Minkyung’s dainty apartment soon faded into the background. Your eyes were glued to the necklace, and you soon felt tears start to well.

Your mother always had this necklace on, it was even on her when she died.

Suddenly, you felt the world close in on you. This was it. It was all too real.

Your mother was actually dead. You had come to this epiphany while staring at the diamond necklace. Whenever you imagined that necklace, it was always around your mother’s neck. Now, it was in your hand, and you couldn’t help but tremble slightly. 

It suddenly felt cold. You put the necklace around your neck and tossed the letter, not having the heart to read the rest. You didn’t want to hear about your father’s problems or about how much he loved you. All you wanted to do was bundle yourself up in a couple of blankets and feel warm.

You wondered if your mother was cold. Was death cold? You sure had hoped not. You hoped your mother was in a warm, warm place far away from the depths of the cruel Earth. You hoped your mother found peace.