#yntcd party

So in March I started to realize all of that, how bad he was treating me and how little he appreciated me and everything that I did everyday for him and for us, so after talking to him and two weeks of thinking we broke up on April’s 3rd. We broke up as friends because I would never want to have bad blood with someone I once loved so much but that doesn’t mean it was any easier. 

The following months I was devastated, and of course I relied on my best friend in the whole world, Taylor. She has always been there for me since I was 12 (I’m 21 now), always, there’s no exception, but those months I was hurting because I was realizing every little thing that was wrong, that hurted me and I just had “ignored” because I didn’t wanted to admit it to myself, I was realizing how I should’ve come out of that toxic relationship sooner no matter how much love I had for him. So my rock was Taylor, you don’t even know how much Red did for me those months.

Four months after that I saw him again, just as friends, (I really didn’t want to come back to that relationship, but it was nice to know we could still be friends after all, because he really meant a lot to me) and even though we had a nice day, he just did something that really disappointed me afterwards, and that’s when my eyes opened completely and I realize I was and I am SO MUCH for him and everything that has to do with him is so fucked up that he doesn’t even deserve me as a friend, because even with that kind of relationship, he finds  a way to hurt me. So I cut him out of my life completely now and a month has passed by since that.

Now, I’m doing better than ever since our break up, I know it won’t be long since I can completely relate to Clean (we’re getting there babyyy) but I have so much love for myself, and everyday that passes by I think so much less about him. I’m finding myself again and I’m proud of who I am and who I am not.

I can’t wait until Lover comes out, because I feel it’s coming at the èrfect timing in my life, as if Taylor knew how much I needed it. After all these months of sadness, desperation and pain, this album is coming right when I’m starting to bloom again, and I know it will be like a breath of fresh air for me and in my life.