#yhts

But having a nice time along the way does not guarantee any sort of happiness.  I guess I'm probably beating a dead horse, maybe a really dead horse (i.e. Hypohippus), but I finally arrived at the realization that true wealth is not defined by that piece of paper from the bank every month, but by the genuine experiences you endure and the memories you share with others.  Sure I have savings from working my ass off, but if I'm not mistaken, I've never gone hiking up to a high peak with a $20 bill, talking about the history of the world, seeing Andrew Jackson smile when he reaches the top, and drinking a couple beers with him back at the car.  Yeah, I get it, money is one measure of the product of our labor, blah, blah, blah, Ayn Rand you're only partially right about all that crap, and I need money to go and do things, but money doesn't tell you to do anything.  It just sits in some bank account accruing interest and driving you crazy. The other part of the equation for the product of our labor is your sense of motivation, the goals you set, and what you actually do. 

To draw out this mathematical parallel, this life equation has all these variables and uncertainties, but you can tweak any part of it so that it arrives at the line of best fit.  Sure that line will have some awfully bad and pretty good anomalies along the way but ultimately if you begin to control some of the variables, the outcome will go in your direction- just like in high school chem lab when your results didn't match up and you flubbed the numbers to get the "right answer". OK so you shouldn't do that because it's scientifically unethical, but the ethical bounds you set in your own life are not defined (although influenced) by social constructions or someone else.  They're set by you. Randomness is a fact of life and it's easy to get lost in its chaos, but you can shape your life experiment by boundaries you set or break, variables you control or ignore or throw out, and the perspective by which you view trends.  Who knew that differential equations would ever have such a philosophical impact on me.

I have rearranged my life equation.  I threw out the part that was filled by my job along with its largely negative coefficient and high probability of cruddy experiences.  I have reduced all the noise in the data set and I am seeing more clearly where I want the equation to go.  So over the next year here is my framework for the equation.

1. October and part of November- move to Los Angeles to spend time with my grandmother and my extended family while I apply to graduate programs.  When I look back, I have only positive memories of her house and my family.  This will give me a comfortable environment with a lot of positive energy to focus on the long term path of my life equation. Plus I can see California, the Pacific, far-flung friends, and watch my younger cousins grow up to be the goofy, happy-go-lucky Christ boys they will likely become.

2. Late November and December, and maybe longer- travel to Europe to see my sister in Granada and aimlessly wander the continent.  I want to make minimal plans but will definitely visit Spain, England, Switzerland (the homeland!), France, Germany, Austria, Denmark, the Balkans, and maybe Turkey. Who knows I might not stop and end up in India and southeast Asia.

2.5 Ski Bum somewhere sweet like Jackson? Alta? Telluride? or maybe not!

3. Go to Antarctica in April and May with my Hamilton adviser to conduct climate research. I'm most excited for this part.

4. Spend the summer at Hamilton to process collected data, and surround myself with positive memories.

5. Next August I will hopefully be in graduate school to study glacial geology.  If this doesn't work out then I will pursue other things, live somewhere I want to be, and be around good people.

No more fomo for me!