#yearofyoga

One year of every day yoga is now complete! Last October I challenged myself initially to 3 months, but could not stop! I am way more flexible and feel much better in my body!

Back in April one of my main intentions was to eat more keto friendly. I say “friendly” because on the weekends if I wanted crispy tacos with rice from Chipotle or a gluten free pizza every other week I was going to eat it, but during the week I really did watch my carb and sugar intake. 

The first week and a half was absolutely TERRIBLE. I had a building migraine that would start when I’d wake up every morning and I’d be at the point of tears come the end of the day. I hear that the “keto flu” can be a thing and I think it got me. On day 4 I was so miserable my boss (who’s AMAZING) let me go home on the spot, so I could rest and recover. I slept probably 3 hours, then woke up and went back to bed for the night 3 hours later and slept for 12. 

Starting in the middle of week 2 I started to feel much better, but I honestly feel it was solely because I didn’t have a headache anymore, but my energy levels weren’t super high or anything. I did find that I wasn’t near as hungry as I know I could be an I wasn’t eating much for dinner at all, so about halfway through I asked Michael if we could plan to not cook anything for week 3 and see how it’d go and I was more snacky come dinner time and would either eat something like bacon and eggs or a phat bomb or two, but a full blown dinner would have gone to waste because I just wasn’t hungry in the evenings. One thing about me is that before keto I’d come home HANGRY for anything sugar every single day, so the fact that I my blood sugar was still fine made me really happy. I started sleeping better, any acid reflux I had before went away, I wasn’t bloated or gassy and my mood was super stable vs up and down depending on what’d I’d eat like in the past and the very last week was probably my best week because I’d wake up every morning ready to go and I’d have energy all day long and instead of feeling up or down or left or right I just felt in the middle and calm all day long which for me is great because pre-keto I felt easily scattered. 

I’ll go ahead and share my breakfast, lunch and dinner just in case anyone is wondering who reads this. 

For breakfast I’d have my typical BP coffee and fab4 smoothie.

Recipe #1:

Four Sigmatic mushroom coffee

1 tsp MCT oil

1 tbsp ghee

1 scoop collagen peptides

2 tsp monkfruit

2 tsp maple syrup (I found one that is sweetened with monkfruit)

sprinkle of cinnamon or pumpkin spice

Recipe #2:

1.5 cups almond milk

1 tbsp almond butter

1/4 frozen berries

1/2 cup frozen zucchini

1 scoop vegan vanilla protein powder 

2 cups spinach 

Michael made some strawberry cheesecake and chocolate chip cookie dough phat bombs one week. They were amazingggggg and both keto friendly.

I also made some phat fudge and homemade cool whip. NOM.

This sweet potato bread isn’t keto, but is made with real foods, minimal sugar and is DELICIOUS. I got it off @shutthekaleup​ IG page. Go follow her. She’s amazing.

For lunch there was one week where I made some roasted veggies, cauliflower rice and 2 scrambled eggs and then about halfway through the month I really wasn’t feeling cooked foods I’d have to warm up and then eat 3 day old mush, so I decided to try out some deli meat, cheese bars, bone broth, an avocado, hard boiled eggs and phat bombs and I’d eat part of it for lunch and the other part on my last break at work a few hours later and this REALLY worked for me.

For dinner we tried out a few different recipes that were either a hit or miss, but a few that stuck were lettuce boat tacos, chicken salad, there were maybe 2 nights that entire month I had a gluten free pizza, a few Friday’s we would go to Chipotle, and bacon and eggs were really a thing for dinner too. 

Once or twice a week I’d do intermittent fasting and I’d have my BP coffee around 5:30 a.m., a keto packet around 7:30 a.m. and then I’d drink my smoothie around 11 or 12 and the only other thing I’d eat all day was maybe a phat bomb or 2 if I needed a little something around 3 p.m. and I’d always have bone broth on hand and I’d drink that either around 10 a.m. or 2 p.m. and outside of that I’d drink about a gallon of water and I honestly the BEST on days where I ate this way and when I’d get home I was still fine and wouldn’t go and binge because you’d thing I’d be starving after not really eating all day, but I felt the most stable and calm on these days and going forward I’ll continue having a day or 2 like this during the week. It really gives your digestive system a break too, so instead of using all your energy to digest what you’d be eating you get to keep it and use it.

This picture is from 4/2/18 as I was starting keto and Morgan Tyler’s ab'asanas e-book.

And this picture is from 5/2/18!! SUPER PROUD MOMENT. Keto and ab'asanas kicked my ASS, but I also think I kicked it’s ass too, lmao.

All in all I’m glad I tried out keto and going forward I will still remain low carb and low sugar as much as I can. I feel like it helps make me a better human not being pumped with sugar 24/7. Our bodies don’t need it, it really is all in the mind. 

I didn’t weigh myself pre any of this, but we did buy a scale towards the end of the month and last summer would have been the last time I weighed myself and I remember being between 145-150lbs and when I stepped on the scale I was 138lbs, so in the last year I’ve lost around 10lbs without trying to. I’ve just slowly and consciously changed my way of eating and it’s all paid off. 

I’m excited to see how I’ll look and feel as time goes on because I do have hearts desire to have super visible abs and I feel I’m well on my way there to achieve it. Some may think it’s great, some may thing I’m vain, but I don’t really care either way. HA.

That’s all I have for now. 

Until next time. :)

Hi. :)

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write this one for a little while now, but just haven’t been able to quite make the time for it, but here I am now starting it at 5 a.m. with my mushroom coffee in hand, peppermint oil rubbed on my ears and my oracle cards I pulled next to me. ‘

The title of this being “I’ve been tested...” is for that very thing. This month in almost all ways I’ve been tested. Friends, communication, work, family, spirituality, finances, all the things. 

I pulled an oracle card this morning and asked what the message needed to be for today and the card I pulled was “Passionate Self-Love Affair” and reading about this card it’s about how self love is more than just red lipsticks, memes and bubble baths which I’ve learned to be so true because what happens when you’ve had the worst day ever or something at work happens or a friend and you need to have an uncomfortable convo? Are you still going to show up in a loving way not only to the situation, but yourself? This is something I struggle with immensely, unfortunately. And it’s the biggest thing I’ve taken on for 2018. Self-love. Not self-loathing, not self-criticisms. Self...Love. 

How have I been tested you may be wondering? Well, lemme tell you, booboo.

1.) Money - I’ve been working towards a solid “get out of debt” game plan and while I was happily going to check my one account I noticed an old interest charge I wasn’t planning on popped up and I flipped out, called the bank and they were no help and I just had to eat it. Now why this bothered me was because it took away from what I was saving for the heaping mountain of debt I had been saving for ALL month and it was taken away. I felt defeated, then started to go down the “why did I let this happen in the first place” rabbit hole, but I didn’t. I stopped myself, bit the bullet and paid it, then walked away telling myself it was OK that 1.) I was upset, but 2.) it’ll all work out in the end and I’m going to be OK. 

2.) Communication - Something I say every time I read my Wild Soul Woman pledge is “I am willing to have courageous conversations” and I’ve had to live up to this quite a few times this month especially with friends/family. It’s BEYOND uncomfortable for me to speak up and not be doormat and not let people walk all over me, and just go with the flow and put my feelings aside and stuff and suppress, but then I will end up pushing someone away and resenting them and I am just not about that life anymore. These types of convo’s no matter how large or small make me anxious. I sweat, I hear my heartbeat in my ears, I can’t think straight, I shake, but I can say it is getting easier to stand in my truth and speak up and I’ve taught myself how to calm down when this happens within a matter of minutes, instead of it lasting the rest of the day and me having to go to straight to bed when I get home because I am exhausted in all ways.

3.) Work - Oh, work.. So I was in hot water all of 2017 with work. I’ve never had such a hard year when it comes to work ever. I’ve had bad months, weeks and days, but never an entire year filled with stress and heartache. I went from the last 6 months of getting maybe 1 error and we’re allotted up to 5 in a month and as of right now I am at 5 until the month starts over. Now if I don’t get anymore I’ll be fine and won’t be written up, but as of now I still have 3 more work days to get through and old Sarah would be on the floor right now crying into a glass of wine (Funny not so funny story. Today a year ago I was doing just that according to a picture that popped up on my timehop. I’ve also noticed that in over a week there hasn’t been a picture that popped up that didn’t have a glass of wine in it...>____< ), but this new fairy haircut, zenned out more often than not Sarah realizes this is just a test to see if I’ve really grown. Yes, it’s frustrating and I allowed that feeling to come up, so it could have its space and pass, but I also know this is part of life, this is a test I needed to pass, and to more important not bash myself in the process like I’ve done before. Like thinking I’m worthless, a piece of shit, don’t know what I am doing, and all the horrible things I used to tell myself. I keep telling myself “All is well with my soul. This is a test and I will pass it. I will not give my power away to this situation. I am going to be OK nonetheless.” because in reality taking a step back no one is out to get me, I am not going to die, this is part of life and I’ll be OK. 

4.) My Daily Practice - This is a big one for me. By nature in all the astrological and numerology ways I hold myself to REALLY high and I mean HIGH standards. I am SO bad about getting onto myself if I slip up... and you probably guessed it. I’ve “slipped up”. To me I feel like if I miss one day of mediation and lose my streak everything will fall apart, if I don’t journal then I failed, if I don’t blog at least once a week then I’m not being true to my intentions I’ve set, the list goes on... but is this really true if I take a (for me) HUGE step back? No. I’m very compulsive, obsessive and easily addicted by nature. If I love something and I’m into it I’m all in. Ask anyone that knows me well and they tell you the same. Now on the outside it probably seems like I’ve got all my ducks in a row and I am so disciplined and just having it going on, but this is why I started a blog. To take that filter off and talk about what’s really going on because I do struggle and slip and fall, but I’m learning to love myself in the process as I just pick up and keep going instead of constantly shaming and blaming myself when I do miss a day of mediation or my morning doesn’t go how I feel it should and so on. 

5.) Spirituality - I grew up in a spiritual home, but when I moved out and I completely shut it off and down and asked it to leave me alone and it did, but I’ve stepped back into and it’s come back in full force. Even me writing this right now makes me feel a little anxious because it’s such a touchy subject for me because it’s just really vulnerable and personal to me and I won’t say too too much, but what I will say is I’ve had some thing happens where I could question it, blow it off, not believe it and call myself crazy and think I am just making shit up, but that would honestly defeat the entire purpose of my spiritual practice. I am learning how to turn my ego down a lot and let things be, so they can grow and I’ve had some really cool things happen. One of those being how I had this inner knowing that I would write poetry and I asked the universe to show me how and within a week I pulled an oracle card that said listening to music would be beneficial for the day and to really listen to the words and instead of blowing it off and listening to podcast I listened to music and there was one song that ripped me wide open and I ended up writing 4 poems that day. The universe know what it’s doing and I am learning to listen and follow the still, small voice when it does speak to me and not question it. 

6.) Body Shaming - Oh, girl... I will be brief on this one as well because I do plan to write an entire blog on this topic because it’s been big for me this month. But practice yoga I see more of my body than ever because being completely clothed ends up annoying because my shirts is in my face and I can’t breathe or see and then I get hot and at that point I am not breathing and then I fall and you get the picture...lmao. So I wear less clothes and see more of me and it’s SO uncomfortable seeing the cellulite on my legs, the roll on my stomach and how bad I need to shave my legs and it’s been a daily self-love practice of not body shaming how my body naturally looks, and to work through this I’ve posted some, to the mindlessly scrolling IG eye, unflattering pictures of myself because for the last 5 years I’ve painted a picture of what my life and body looks like and it’s just not true, so I am working to paint a new, unfiltered, raw, real life picture of what my life actually looks like. 

Until next time... <3

Last night I took the time to cleanse my bedroom with palo santo, lay an amethyst crystal on my pillow (helps with sleep), turned my diffuser on with some lavender, then did an hour long self-love yoga practice, and then went to bed and slept like a baby all night. I woke up feeling so refreshed and recharged and ready to take on the day.

During my meditation this morning I had an afterthought when it was done. You know how easy it is to have compassion towards someone you love so much and how NOT easy it is for someone you have hard feelings towards? Well, what about compassion towards yourself? I experienced that this morning during my meditation with Gabby Bernstein. It was super easy to breathe and tap into feeling compassionate towards someone that I love and send them so much love and light and peace and happiness, and then she had me switch it to someone who I have a harder time feeling that way towards and it took me a minute, but I found it and sent them love and light and peace and happiness, but then she had me focus on sending myself compassion and I never would have thought it’d trigger me so much emotionally, but I couldn’t help but tear up. It’s so easy to give someone else compassion because we understand they’re human and make mistakes and so on, but what about us? We’re just as human and prone to making mistakes and slipping up, but we hold ourselves to such a high standard that we’re supposed to just be “perfect” at all times which is 100% not possible. Be nice.❤

Yesterday wasn’t the best morning practice as y’all know, but I stuck it out. WELL, my #wildsouloracle card I pulled this morning said “Perceptivity backed by practice and consistency are my winning formula.” and how spot on that was for me. Yes, today was a good day and I woke up ready to go, but that’s not going to be every day, but sticking it out and staying true to my practice is my winning formula, good day and bad days.

Something I’ve always found challenging and frustrating is I’ll hit this physical and emotional wall and then feel like I’m going to have a meltdown because of it. Usually I will, then I’m like “I NEED TO TAKE A BATH AND DO A FACE MASK.” and that puts a band-aid on it, then it happens a few weeks later and I feel spread thin, exhausted and run into the ground and blame everyone, but myself for it. We all have fulls lives and 9/10 I find people put themselves on the back burner and are constantly on empty and tired and grumpy. 

I listen to A LOT of podcasts and something I’ve heard time and time again since I started listening to podcasts 2 years ago is that successful and happy people make time in the mornings for themselves and set up their day vs waking up and rushing to work and letting their day take them over. I have been guilty of snoozing for almost an hour, laying on my phone scrolling social media for 30 minutes and responding to texts from the night before, THEN getting up and rushing to get dressed, coffee made, lunched packed and walking my dog and then end spilling my coffee on me on my way out the door, showing up almost late to work, feeling rushed when I get to work, being stressed out all day, then going home making dinner, sitting on my phone, showering then going to bed. Later, rinse repeat. HOW EXHAUSTING. Yikes. 

My biggest intention for 2018 is yoga. I want to practice yoga every single day of 2018 and I felt like I had to practice in the evenings and then I immediately realized that 99.99% of the time wouldn’t work. Why? Because I’m a full-time employee, a wife, dog/mom mom and homemaker and my evenings are full of spending time with my husband, maybe dinner plans with a friend, running errands, cooking dinner, tending to my animals and it’s just really full and and I love it, but there is no time for me in my evenings, so the only thing I could think of that would guarantee my daily yoga practice was waking up at 5 a.m. every morning during the week which is THREE hours before I need to be at work, but again, I want my me time and I’m a determined little thing when I have my mind made up about something.

So here’s a day in the life so far of my 5 a.m.mornings! :)

I start my mornings the night before by setting up my counter with all the ingredients I need for my smoothie and coffee, I set up my tray with my notebooks, candles, crystals, palo santo, etc, I lay out my yoga clothes and my outfit for work, and then make sure I have everything out in the bathroom I’ll need when I wake up, then I’ll set my alarm on my phone for 5 a.m. and I leave it on my dresser across the room from me that way I HAVE to get up to turn it off. It SUCKS so bad right now adjusting to not snoozing, but my ass is up by 5 a.m. on the dot and on my way to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and throw on my yoga clothes and robe. 

Side note: I don’t look at social media, respond to text or snaps or anything during this time. When I turn off my alarm and clear all my notifications from the night before that way I’m not tempted to look and who text me or like my selfie on IG. This too is a HUGE adjustment for me since I’m used to waking up to checking my phone and staying on it for 30 minutes before I even roll out of bed. 

After my teeth are brushed and what not and I’m semi awake I head to kitchen my warm up some water with lemon and drink that while I make my coffee and smoothie. Starting your day with warm water helps get your digestion system going. I learned this technique through the Ayurveda book I recently read and decided to incorporate it into my mornings. I’m really into bulletproof coffee at the moment which is a high quality coffee with healthy fats included into it. Adding the fats into it helps the coffee time release into your system throughout the day vs all at once and crashing. I add ghee, brain octane oil, almond milk creamer and munkfruit sweetener to the coffee in the blender and blend it all together to make a frothy latte. SO GOOD. Then I’ll make one of Kelly Leveque’s #fab4smoothies. Which is Protein (20g min) + Fiber (10g min) + 1 Tbsp. Fat + Handful Greens + 1/4 Cup Fruit + Superfoods + Liquid. Making a smoothie with the formula above will keep you feel and satiated for hours and the the only sugar you’d be adding is from the very small amount of fruit. 

Here’s Kelly’s website if you wanna check her out and some of her yummy recipes - http://bewellbykelly.com/ :)

A couple of my favorite recipes so far are:

Blueberry Pie + Spinach 

1 scoop vegan vanilla protein powder

2 tbsp almond butter

1/4 cup frozen blueberries

2 cups almond milk

1 scoop collagen peptides 

2 handfuls of spinach

Side note #1: the protein powder I have already has the fiber in it, so I don’t add any extra. :)

Peach Creme + Kale

1 scoop vegan vanilla protein powder

2 tbsp coconut oil

1/4 cup frozen peaches

2 cups almond milk

1 scoop collagen peptides

2 handfuls of kale

Side note #2: With the people I choose to follow on social media I see everyone adding collagen peptides to their coffee or smoothies, so adding it to my smoothies was a great way to get fit it into my “diet”, Collagen peptides are great for your hair, skin, nails, bones, joints and digestion. :)

Chocolate Covered Strawberry + Spinach 

1 scoop vegan vanilla protein powder

2 tbsp chocolate almond butter

1 tbsp cacao nibs

1/4 cup frozen strawberries

2 cups almond milk

1 scoop collagen peptides

2 handfuls of spinach

Side note #3: I use Vital Protein Collagen Peptides (https://www.vitalproteins.com/collections/collagen/products/collagen-peptides?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8dG0m_LI2AIV1Y2zCh3CmgbsEAAYASAAEgIL5_D_BwE 

&

 Garden of Life Protein Powder (https://www.gardenoflife.com/content/product/why-choose-raw-organic-meal/)

I don’t like adding any extra ice to my smoothies since I let it sit in the freezer while I continue my morning because I don’t drink it til before I leave for work. 

After I’m done in the kitchen I grab my coffee and head to the living room and I always start by lighting some palo santo to cleanse to space from anything negative, then I’ll meditate for a few minutes (I love using the free Insight Timer app) with a crystal that stands out to me the most, then I’ll apply whatever oils I picked out from the night before, write down at least 3 thing I’m grateful for in my little gratitude journal, read my Wild Soul Women pledge out loud, then say a prayer, shuffle my oracle deck and pull a card, then will do whatever exercise or affirmation it suggests for the specific card I pulled, then after I’m done I’ll write about what came up for me with the card I pulled and how it made me feel. I also write about any dreams I may have had the night before or any other little side notes about the day before or that morning so far. 

At this point in the morning Michael is usually up and out of our room, so I’ll go in there to make the bed, and then practice yoga. Right now I am following a yoga challenge with Adriene Mishler. You can find her on her YouTube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene. :) After yoga I drink my smoothie while getting ready for work, take Lucy out to potty, pack my lunch, grab my purse and I’m out the door.  I know this seems crazy to some and like a lot so early, but I can definitely tell you that me doing this for me and only me has helped tremendously. I’m starting my mornings off slow, no phone, no social media, enjoying my coffee, writing, mediating, praying, exercising and THEN getting to work and checking social media and responding my messages. I feel a lot less rushed and anxious throughout my work days since I’ve started this, I feel more present, happy, calm and peaceful and my word for 2018 is peace, so me doing this is me finding the inner peace I’m in search of and it feels soooo good. 

I’m excited to see how all of this evolves as the year goes on and how much change and growth I see in myself and I’m especially excited to write and blog about my journey along the way. :)

I’ve really been working to start my 2018 intentions while I’m on vacation that way in the new year I won’t be starting a million things at once, so I gave my morning routine ago and it was magical, emotional and just amazing. For Christmas Michael and I were gifted a beautiful homemade tray with an S on it for our last name. I decided to put it to use and set up my crystals, sage, coffee oils, etc. It worked perfectly. I am not a fan of setting things on the carpet cause knowing me I’d knock it over, lmao.

I lit my sage, set up my crystals, turned on the diffuser with some peppermint and frankincense in it, I set an intention and rubbed palo santo eo across my forehead and surrender eo over my heart and on my wrists because the main reason for my practice was to surrender and let go of old hurt and potentially up to almost 25 years of anger and bitterness.

I’ve recently learned about cleansing your crystals and setting intention for each one, so after my free flow yoga routine (really focused on my hips. hurt so good) I did some research on the crystals I have and wrote a note for my intention for each on and set the piece of paper under each one. Before doing so I saged them to cleanse them from anything previously. woowoo, i know i know, but I love it, so let me. ;) I also used my mini composition notebook to write down 3 things I'm grateful for because I hear time and time again how starting your day with gratitude is one of the best ways to start it. 

I could go on and on about how much respect and appreciation I have for Elizabeth Dialto. Pushing maybe 2 years ago when I started listening to podcasts I came across this beautiful soul and listening to her podcast Untame The Wild Soul at first made me SO beyond uncomfortable because the range of what her and her guests would talk about when it came to chakras, buddha, crystals, energies and other religions/spirituality conflicted with everything in me. I think it’s more so because of just the way I was raised and that being everything to do with God, Jesus, The Bible and Holy Spirit, so hearing about all of this made me feel like it wasn’t ok, but what Elizabeth helped me realize is that it is ok to learn and grow and figure out what works for you and that it’s even more ok that it doesn’t match your upbringing. 

Awhile back I printed off this poem and set it as my desk, but haven’t taken the time to read it and take it in. It’s absolutely beautiful and reads: “The Wild Soul Woman Manifesto

An invitation to live into, a practice, a dedication, a pledge. I am a woman, not a lovelier version of a man.

I am devoted to loving myself in the untamed way - through cultivating self-acceptance, awareness, knowledge, respect, and trust. I am committed to discovering and living into my ever evolving truth. The truth of what it means to be a woman in the 21st century. The truth of what it means to be me, the me that I AM, not that society, culture, family, government, religion or other structures have dictated to me. I am discerning. 

I listen to my wild soul and trust her innate wisdom and guidance. 

I have boundaries. I do not sacrifice myself for the benefit of others. I say no when I mean no and yes when I mean yes. I am just as worthy of my own time, energy, and attention as all of my loved ones. I do not need others to be different or agree with me for me to feel OK. I do my best to respect others’ beliefs, opinions, cultures, choices, self-expression, sexuality, even if I don’t understand. I am global sister. 

I am work in progress and a work of art.

I am safe place to land for all life and all people. I know that it’s not all about me, but that does start with me and I happily accept responsibility for my own life. My body is sacred. I am willing to have courageous conversations. I embrace my uniqueness, my power, my beauty, my creativity, my inner fire, my passion, my fierceness and my softness. 

I reserve the right to change my mind. 

When I want to be harsh with myself I choose gentleness instead. I honor the earth and all her creations. I am unashamed. I trust that my temporary circumstances never have to be my permanent reality. I am a powerful creator. I am receptive. I am a force for expansion, for love, and for good. 

I am a Wild Soul Woman.“

WOW. How powerful. This is something I want to print off poster size and hang up somewhere that I can read every day. 

During the summer Elizabeth launched some oracle cards and since I support and respect her 100% I ordered some, but haven’t used them up until now. I read through the little guide and shuffled the desk and pulled the top one. 2 reasons I loved it. 1.) 8 is my favorite number, and 2.) the card was about self care which I was in desperate need of that morning in particular. One things she points out on these cards is they’re not for predicting the future like a tarot card, it’s for what you need in the present moment, so me pulling this card was just spot on. 

After I read the Wild Soul Woman poem and read the mantra for the card I pulled I lit a candle and started writing a very important and overdue “FU letter” to a family member of mine. It was so hard to bring myself to the point of anger and hatred to write this, but I knew it was time. I filled up 5 pages with hurt and anger and bitterness and resentment I’ve held in. I had to get up 2 different times to blow my nose from crying so hard and my nose running. It was great, lmao.

I learned about this writing practice through another podcast called Over It & On With It by Christine Hassler. Another beautiful soul I discovered a few years ago. At the end of the letter I wrote out another writing practice she taught me. 

“Dear_____

I am letting go______

I learned_______

I forgive you for _______

I forgive myself for______

Thank you for______

Goodbye.”  

Then I ripped it all up, said a forgiveness prayer and blew out the candle.

Craziest shit happened when I took it outside to burn the paper. Right as everything had turned to ash the bowl EXPLODED into a million pieces. LIKE WTF. O___O Could have been cause it was chilly outside, could have been some cray spiritual ish, who knows. I squealed and ran inside to grab the broom to clean it up then ran everything down to the dumpster.

A year ago I wrote the same kind of letter to a different family member and I’ve had so much change since then with forgiving and letting go and I can definitely say I felt a release from this letter in particular. Growing up I was just told to pray or go to the altar and give it all to God, but it just for me didn’t work because the hurt and anger and sadness was still there. I think with me taken it upon myself to write out, burn everything and pray in my own way was what I needed to discover as adult because it just works and it feels amazing to put in the work and feel like a weights been lifted off my shoulders. I really believe me closing this door with this family member in particular will open new doors for me and close old ones that don’t serve me when it comes to a number of things like manipulation, disowning, close-mindedness, blaming, stuffing, not communicating, etc. When you’re raised a certain way it conditions you to believe certain things or a way of being and I am working to un-condition myself from old ways, thought patterns and belief systems that don’t serve me and the Sarah I am today.   

Once I got back inside I saged my space one more time to clear everything and did a cord cutting and grounding practice Elizabeth taught me, then went about my day. 

I am really thankful that I’ve discovered these practices because I just haven’t ever felt like I’ve been able to cultivate my own spiritual practice and way of being up until recently. I’ve had to do a lot of work to get to this place and work that much harder to sit here right now and talk about freely, but it feels so right and so so so good. 

Yoga Thursday!