sorry i was feeling things lol um: ladynoir drabble post s5
those first few patrols sail smoother than the big shiny statue of his newly dead father.
ladybug doesn't know that chat noir's father is dead. or, to be more accurate, she knows who he is, but doesn't know chat noir has to mourn him.
or not. wasn't it such a celebration? that his father died and took monarch with him? and everyone clapped and sang praises, but not a single tear was shed?
he doesn't blame any of them. he didn't shed a tear either.
at every patrol, many new things came to pass. every kwami has a permanent holder now. this doesn't bother him the way it would have torn him to shreds months ago. it all happens too fast for him to feel it happening anyway.
until her ever so present smile cracks, shattering apart, and the facade falls.
ladybug collapses into his chest one lucky day of patrol, one of those where they find someplace quiet, someplace empty. somewhere to stare at the sky.
he can only thank the stars; no one else tagged along.
today, the sky looks pale. they match her cheeks, not in color, but in feeling. empty. all of it's very empty.
he lets her sob. he can barely feel his bones, and he fears her wailing will torture him for weeks to come. she doesn't stop for a moment, not to breathe, not to explain. she's just in pain, and she can't hold it together anymore, has lost her footing, and the only thing she can do is cling onto him, like he's the only thing that matters. like he's the only one who can fix it.
chat noir hasn't fixed much in life. he's far better acquainted with the breaking and ruining of everything. perhaps this power was match-made for him, his soul.
and as long as it lasts, it suddenly stops. everything comes to a halt, and she's looking at him again.
she's devastating, and perhaps a bit too beautiful for her own good, and he's a little too used to finding her beautiful. even if its so wrong to think it right now, he does.
"i needed you there," is the only thing she says, and she's spoken so little of that day, and this gives no more details than before, but... he understands.
he knows. without knowing anything at the same time. and it all builds and builds and builds in him, until his eyes match her own, so blurry and painful. his heart swells and swells until he wants to die, matching corpses with the father he can no longer resent, because there isn't a torso to punch, a face to yell at, arms to dive into. he can't hate him for leaving because he isn't here to hate.
so he cries too. because it's appropriate now. because she's in agony, and he wants to join her. because she hugs him back, holds him close, lets his brewing storm rage and rumble.
there are things she can't tell him. there are things he can't tell her. they both know better by now not to ask or second-guess.
and in the face of all these questions that might go unanswered for a long time, they settle. because today, this is enough.
