#xavilla

  Cesc sits at home with the new baby and twelve-week-old Golden Retriever puppy, Ponque. He loves both of his baby girls dearly, but he misses going out with Geri. It seems like Geri always breezes in the door, passes out three kisses, and breezes back out just minutes later. He plays backyard footie with the neighbors, goes to work, goes to lunch with coworkers, has nights out with the guys. Cesc is starting to feel like one of the ladies on his favorite show, Desperate Housewives. Is he becoming a mother and housewife that his husband is no longer interested in?

It is a normal Saturday evening for him. He makes lunch, gives the baby her bottle, and takes a walk with his girls, and sister, Carlota. This happens almost every weekend when Carlota isn’t busy with college and her job. This night, however, Cesc breaks down and gushes to his sister about his fears. He tells her how distant Geri seems to be since the birth of the baby. Carlota hasn’t seen this side of Geri. He always seems very attentive when he and Cesc bring the baby over for Sunday brunch at their mother’s home. She tells Cesc that he’s probably imagining things. The baby is only two months old, after all. There can’t be much to worry about if it has only two months of this. Cesc isn’t sure he believes her, but he goes quiet on the subject.

After their long walk around the neighborhood, they return home with a sleeping baby, and an exhausted puppy. He puts Lia in her crib, and Ponque trudges to her big fluffy pink bed in the den to have her normal afternoon nap. Cesc goes to the kitchen where Carlota has just poured a glass of lemonade for each of them. They sit at the table, drinking their lemonade and chatting – not about his marital problems – until the baby wakes up two hours later. Cesc quickly realizes it’s getting late, and Geri will be home from work soon. He hasn’t finished his housework, or even thought about what to fix for dinner.

Carlota sees the panic on his face, and offers to take the baby. She is staying with their mother that evening, she explains, and they would love to watch the little one for the night. She assumes that things with Geri are nothing more than Cesc’s imagination running wild, but they probably do need some alone time. Cesc helps her pack up the baby’s things like her portable crib, swing, and a bag filled with everything she could possibly need, and much more. Carlota laughs at how prepared Cesc seems to be. She compliments his wonderful parenting, and leaves moments later with the baby in her car seat.

Cesc rushes to complete his housework in the two hours he has before Geri gets home. He gets everything finished besides a load of clothes that are in the dryer. While they’re drying, he sets about preparing dinner. He has decided to make one of Geri’s favorite dishes – ternera en pimientos y tomate (a Spanish stir-fry). Normally, Geri likes to sear the steak on his grill before Cesc adds it to the peppers and tomatoes. Cesc, if he’s being honest, is a little afraid of Geri’s giant grill, so he just sautés the steak with the other ingredients. The taste is a bit different, but Geri still enjoys it. The fancy stove on which he cooks the simple, yet delicious meal was a first anniversary present from Geri, and Cesc still believes it more a gift that Geri bought for himself. After all, a fancy stove means lots of delicious meals your husband can prepare for you.

The stir-fry is cooking away, and Cesc is chopping potatoes for fries with a Spanish seasoning when Geri walks into the house. Cesc feels giddy when his husband walks into the kitchen.

“You’re cooking?” Geri asks, kissing the back of his head. He walks away, placing his briefcase in a chair at the small table in their breakfast nook.

“Ternera en pimientos y tomate – one of your favorites,” Cesc says, grinning proudly. “How was work?”

“The same as usual. One of my clients is being sued for something that wasn’t their fault, so I was preparing some things for them.” Geri is one of the best attorneys in Barcelona. He and his best friend, Carles, left their old firm earlier that year, and started their own law office. Many of the clients from the old firm followed them, and now they represent some of Spain’s most high-profile companies. Cesc was happy for Geri, of course, but it meant more work, and less time for the two of them. Geri bought Cesc a brand new car which he thought made up for his having to work more weekends. It didn’t. Then, he brought home the puppy. Cesc almost expects another lavish gift will come his way soon. ‘Sorry for neglecting you and the baby and the puppy. Here’s a brand new boat.’

“Well, change into something more comfortable,” Cesc says when he notices that Geri has loosened his tie. “And dinner will be ready soon.”

Geri goes to the refrigerator and grabs a beer. Ponque runs in, and Cesc wonders what kept her. She usually came running at the sound of the front door. Perhaps, she had already become accustomed to Geri’s absence. Geri sits down in the chair opposite his briefcase, and scratches her behind the ears. He sips his beer a little before breaking some bad news to Cesc. “I can’t stay for dinner, babe.”

Cesc dropped the knife he had been using in the floor. He clatters across the stone tiles, frightening Ponque who yips, and dashes out of the room. “What?” he practically wails. “Geri! It’s Saturday night! Carlota took the baby. I’m making your favorite…”

Geri sighs, and stand up. He places his beer bottle on the table, and walks over to Cesc. “I’m sorry. Carles and I are wining and dining a potential client tonight.”

“Geri! Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“I didn’t know, Cesc. It was a random thing. Carles told me five minutes before I left the office. It’s a beer company. It would be a huge for us to land them. I have to go.”

Cesc frowns, and walks across the room to retrieve the knife. He washes it off in the sink, and sets it aside. He has no desire to cook anymore.

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know you were cooking anyway. I assumed you’d have dinner with your mom or something.”

“If you knew I was making dinner for us, would you have told Carles to go alone?” Cesc asks though he already knows the answer.

“I… Cesc, it isn’t that easy. I can’t just tell Carles to go alone. We’re a new firm. They know our reputation from the old firm, but they want to see us both now. They want to know we’re still capable. I have to do this.”

“You better run along then…” He mutters, not even looking at him.

“Cesc, please…”

“Go along, Geri. I need to finish cooking this meal you’re not going to eat.”

Geri heaves a sigh when Cesc goes right back to chopping his potatoes. He hugs him from behind, and kisses his cheek. “I love you, Cesc.”

“I love you too,” Cesc mutters. “Have a good night.”

As Geri walks out of the kitchen, Ponque trots back in. Geri stops to give her a pat on the head. “Don’t give her any table scraps, Cesc. I don’t want her to start begging every time we have steak.”

“I’m not eating any steak, so I won’t give her any.”

Geri considers offering a response, but he just sighs again, and walks out of the room. Cesc finishes up the potatoes, spices them, and throws them in the oven. Geri goes to their bathroom, takes a shower, and puts on a chic suit.

“I’ll be home soon,” he says when he pokes his head into the kitchen.

Cesc nods, but doesn’t bother to turn away from the stove. “I’ll be here. Enjoy your night.”

“I love you, Cesc…”

“I know you do.” Cesc turns off the stove. His stir-fry has finished cooking. “I love you too.”

Geri walks to him, and kisses his cheek. Cesc makes no move to kiss him back. He considers saying something, but his phone rings. It’s Carles. He knows it is, so he backs away from Cesc, pulling his phone from his pocket to answer it.

Cesc stares at the food on the stove. Why did he even bother? He wonders if he should call Carlota, and tell her she can bring the baby back. He hears Geri talking to Carles, assuring him he will be there any minute, making apologies for running a little late. He wishes Geri would have such concern in his voice when he talks to him. He used to have. Cesc used to be Geri’s world. Then the new job came along, and the baby. Cesc felt like he wasn’t even part of his world anymore, let alone his whole world.

When the front door slammed behind Geri, Cesc finally moved away from the stove. He took Geri’s half-empty beer bottle from the table, poured the remaining contents down the drain, and put the bottle into the glass recycling bin. Geri’s suitcase was still in the chair. He wondered for a moment if he might need it, but he assumed Geri would have taken it if he did. He wouldn’t make a mistake about something so important. He took the case – a fancy black leather thing that Cesc had bought for him when he and Carles started their firm – to their bedroom. He put it away on Geri’s side of the walk-in closet, closed the door, and walked back into the bedroom.

He sat for a moment on the edge of the bed – Geri’s side of the bed. He recalled the nights they used to have in this bed. Before Geri’s new job and the arrival of the baby, they made love nearly every night, and most mornings. And it wasn’t just like they went through the motions to release some tension, or get off. They truly made love. Geri was attentive and gentle (or a little rough, if Cesc wanted him to be). He took his time to savor every inch of his husband’s body. The past few months they had hardly kissed in the bed, let alone made love. The most they had done was a few hurried blow jobs in the shower, and those were few and far between. Cesc missed feeling so close, and connected to Geri. They had been friends their entire lives, boyfriends since middle school, lovers since high school, and married right out of college. They had always been together, and they had always been so much in love. Cesc never thought that after four years of marriage he could feel this way.

He takes the wedding photograph from Geri’s bedside table. He chuckles a little when he recalls the moment captured by Carles. Geri had just cut the first slice of their gigantic cake. Cesc had been begging to eat some since they entered the room, but Geri insisted on greeting everyone, and having dinner first. After an hour of that, Cesc was dying to have some cake. His loving husband gave it to him. He shoved a slice right in his face. Carles snapped the shot in time to catch Cesc with his face covered in rich white frosting. It was such a typical wedding reception thing to do, but Cesc had loved every second of it. Geri giggled like an idiot which was one of Cesc’s favorite things. They had a little frosting fight that ended in sloppy frosting-flavored kissing. It had been such a perfect day.

Cesc wipes away a tear that trickled from the corner of his eye, and places the framed photo back on the bedside table. He stands and walks to his side of the bed. He has a framed photo as well. His is from their honeymoon. Geri insisted on photo documentation of their first night together as a married couple. Cesc refused to let him take risqué photographs. He settled on a shot of them lying in bed together. The photo only captured their smiling faces and a bit of their chests. Cesc always felt so nostalgic looking at it. That night and the four that followed were some of the best nights of his life. He would never be one to say that he didn’t have a good honeymoon. Geri treated him to the most beautiful trip Ibiza had to offer.

Cesc wipes away another tear before he places his photograph on the table. He can smell the aroma of his homemade fries. That’s a sure sign that they’re ready to be taken from the oven. He has already formulated a plan for the food that he doesn’t have the stomach to eat. He walks slowly to the kitchen. Ponque is curled up under the table, but she hops up and trots over to him. He scoops her up, kisses her wet little nose, and scratches behind her ears. She licks him in return, and then nearly flips out of his arms. He puts her down, knowing she wants outside. He opens the door that leads from the kitchen to the garden, and she dashes out to use the bathroom. He closes the door behind her, washes his hands at the sink, and finally moves to the oven to retrieve his fries.

The fries are a beautiful golden color, and they smell terrific. His stomach twists a little. He would love to enjoy his delicious meal, but he can’t bring himself to eat it without Geri. It was intended to be a romantic dinner. He can’t have a romantic meal alone. He transfers the meat dish into a portable pot, wraps up the dish containing the potatoes, and places it all into a large bag. After he gets Ponque back into the house, he takes the bag, and walks next door to see if his neighbors are home.

He knocks three times before someone finally comes to open it. David and Xavi lived in their house for two years before Geri and Cesc became their next door neighbor. Xavi was an accountant; David a professor. They made fast friends. For the first couple of years, they had frequent dinners and outings together. When Geri grew busier, that went by the wayside along with everything else. Cesc tried to spend as much time with the couple as he could, but he missed doing couple things together.

“Cesc, hey!” David answers the door in his work-out clothes. His Beats headphone hang around his neck. “I was in the gym. Xav had to nearly knock me off the treadmill to tell me to get the door.”

“Why didn’t he just get it?” Cesc asks with a chuckle.

“Well, he’s fresh out of the shower, so unless you want to see him naked…”

“He’s still against towels? I thought you said the body dryer thing was a phase.”

David rolls his eyes. “I thought it was, but he still rants about bacteria in towels every time he sees me using one. I’m going to dismantle that stupid dryer one day. It’s so annoying. The only upside is a naked husband running around the house.” David winks and laughs.

Cesc feels a little pang of jealousy, but he laughs as well. “I made some food. I wondered if you guys would like to have it. Geri is… working late, and I can’t eat it alone.”

“Oh, really? That would be great! I was going to order in after my gym session, but this is perfect! You’re joining us, right?”

“Oh, no. I need to walk Ponque. You two enjoy it. It’s tertera en pimiento y tomate.”

“Oh, I love when you guys make that! It’s so good!”

“Well, it won’t be grilled. Geri does the grilling. It’s all stir-fry this time. There are seasoned fries as well.”

“Oh, Cesc, that sounds delicious. Are you sure you won’t join us? You can bring the baby and Ponque over.”

“The baby is with Carlota. I’m going to walk Ponque, and catch up on my Pretty Little Liars.”

“Girl, just wait til you see what’s happening with Aria and Fitz.” David rolls his eyes.

“If they broke up again, omg.”

David laughs. “It’s a mess.”

Cesc laughs as well. “I’m sure it is.” He hands over the bag of food, and starts to walk off the porch. “Tell Xavi I said hi,” he calls back.

“Sure thing. Thanks again, Cesc! We need to get together soon! Tell that husband of yours we need to plan a couple’s night!”

“I will, David! Thanks.”

Cesc feels happy after talking to David… until he walks into his empty house. He sighs, grabs Ponque’s leash from the peg by the door, and calls her. She comes running, and sits perfectly in front of him on the floor. He attaches the leash to her collar, and they leave for their walk. They walk the entire neighborhood, and return after the sun has set. Ponque wanders into the kitchen for a drink as soon as they enter the house. Cesc follows her, and grabs a bottle of water from the refrigerator. He chugs half the bottle down. It’s a hot night in Barcelona, and their neighborhood is rather large. He really should have taken water with him, but he hadn’t been thinking clearly.

After getting enough from her water bowl, Ponque walks into the living room. Cesc knows he will find her lying in front of the sofa when he finally makes his way there. He takes a quick shower first, grabs a snack and his water, and finally retires to the living room to watch the latest episode of his current favorite guilty pleasure show.

  It is well after midnight when Geri returns home. He enters the house quietly in case Cesc is asleep. Ponque vaults off the sofa where she had been curled up by Cesc, and bolts to the door. Geri shushes her when she starts to whine. He flips on the dim light in the entryway, and kneels to pet her. “Hey, baby girl. It’s just daddy. Where’s your other daddy, hmm?”

As if she can understand him, Ponque breaks away from him, and races into the living room. Geri follows her. He half smiles at the pathetic sight of Cesc asleep on the couch. The remote is still in his hand, and a crumpled bag from popcorn is by his side. Geri’s smile turns to a frown when he realizes that Cesc has probably fallen asleep this way many nights as of late. What is he doing with his life? He’s getting ahead in his career, that’s for sure. He’s building them a gigantic retirement fund, but he’s abandoning the love of his life. He’s leaving him single-handedly take care of the house, cook, mind the baby and the dog, and finally pass out in the living room alone. He moves the popcorn bag aside, turns off the television, and takes a seat on the couch next to Cesc.

Cesc bolts upright, wiping at a line of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. “Lia!” he mumbles. He starts to stand, still half-asleep.

Geri grabs his hand. “Cescky, Lia is with your sister.” He pulls him onto his lap.

Cesc wipes his mouth again, and blinks several times. “Geri?”

“Yeah, baby. I just got home.”

Cesc leans his head over onto his shoulder. “I miss you,” he mumbles sleepily.

“I’m sorry, my love. I miss you too.”

Cesc seems to wake up a bit more when Geri presses a kiss to his forehead. Geri almost makes a Sleeping Beauty comment, but Cesc stops him. “Do you really miss me?” he asks, looking up at him.

Geri’s heart clinches. He hates himself for lettings things get to the point where Cesc questions something like that. “Of course. I’m sorry you’ve been alone so much lately.”

“I know your work is important…” Cesc looks down at his lap. “I just wish I was still important to you.”

“You are! You’re the most important thing in my life, I swear! I hate myself for making you think otherwise.”

“Don’t hate yourself,” Cesc mumbles.

“How can I make it up to you?”

“You could always buy me another car or another dog…” Cesc doesn’t mean to, but he sounds a little harsh when he speaks.

“I thought you loved those things. I know you love Ponqueque.”

“Of course, I do, but not as much as I love you.” He slides off his lap, and stands up. He rubs his eyes. They’re burning like they always do when he doesn’t sleep enough. “You can’t just buy me things to make up for leaving me alone all the time.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean those things to be that way…” At least, he didn’t think he had. Perhaps subconsciously, that’s exactly what he had meant to do. “We landed the client.”

Cesc sighed. “Congratulations, Geri. You know I’m proud of you. You’re a great lawyer.”

“I talked to Carles about taking on another partner. Pedro has been doing some impressive work. We’re considering him.”

“He’s an asshole, but a good candidate from what you’ve told me.”

Geri chuckles. “You’re right about that. But you know what making him partner means?”

“Spending more time with an asshole?”

“Besides that!” He wraps his arms him from behind and kisses his ear. “It means your husband will have lots more time to spend with you.”

“Oh, Geri… please don’t start making promises you can’t keep. It will just hurt.”

“It’s not a promise I can’t keep. We’re working on it. Carles scheduled a meeting with Pedro for Monday.”

“Good luck then.” Cesc pulls away. “I’m going to finish my show. You can go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to go to sleep without you.”

“Yeah, I don’t like going to sleep without you either, but who knows maybe I’ll get used to it after a while.”

“Cesc!”

“What, Geri?! Do you expect me to not be upset about this? It’s been months of you being gone all the time. I know you’re busy with work, and I know it’s important, but I’d rather have you here with me than all this stuff and the money!”

“I know. It’s not even about the money. It’s just about providing for you, saving for Lia’s college, family vacations…”

“What family vacations?! We don’t even go out to dinner together anymore.”

“That will change once Pedro becomes a partner. He can take over some of my responsibilities. He’ll take some of the pressure off of me. I already have a vacation planned.”

“I won’t hold my breath.” Cesc walks to the couch, and curls up. Ponque sits at his feet. She knows Geri doesn’t like her to lay on the furniture. Cesc leans over, and pulls her up with him. He doesn’t care what Geri thinks.

“Cesc, we shouldn’t get her accustomed to sitting on the furniture. She’s going to get really big.”

“I don’t care, Geri. Even if she gets as big as a Mastiff, there will be room. I’m always here alone!”

“Oh, Cesc, come on! Cut me some slack, please! You know I miss you too. I’m alone at the office all the time. I’m without you, and Lia.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure you were just beside yourself with misery while you were wining and dining your client tonight. You didn’t even text me once.”

“That would have been kind of rude, don’t you think? To text my husband in the middle of dinner.”

“That was one long ass dinner you had. What else did you do?”

“We had drinks, of course.”

“At one of those gross bars with the dancing girls?”

“No! The client is gay.”

“Dancing guys?”

“No dancers of any gender!”

“And you couldn’t find time to text.”

“I’m sorry. I will next time.”

“Don’t bother. I don’t want a pity text.”

“Cesc…”

“Don’t Cesc me! I’m not wrong about this!”

“I know you’re not, damn it, and I feel terrible! I’m a terrible husband and a horrible father! So, please just give it a rest! I already know!”

Cesc is stunned silent. He nibbles at his bottom lip. “You’re not either of those things, Geri…”

“I am.”

“You’re really not. I love you so much, you know? I just miss you. I miss the way it used to be. I miss being the center of your world. I miss the way you used to scoop me up when you got home from work, and kiss me all over. I miss the way you used to kiss my neck from behind while I cooked. You would compliment my cooking, steal bites even if I smacked you for it. You loved having dinner with me. You loved doing everything with me. Now…”

“I still love it. I’m just busy. And tired. Exhausted. And stressed.”

“You think I’m not busy and tired and stressed. I have to take care of a newborn baby, a puppy, an entire house… Not to mention, my marriage is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Our marriage is not falling apart! Please don’t say that. I would die if I lost you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, but tell me you don’t realize how much we have changed. I know that every marriage changed over the years, but this wasn’t gradual. This was sudden. You got this new job, and you suddenly stopped making love to me, stopping eating dinner with me every night, stopping kissing me like you can’t get enough of me. Hell, you barely kiss me at all! There’s not…”

“Don’t even say it, Francesc. Don’t you even imply that there could ever be someone else! There has never, ever been someone else. You have always been it for me!”

Cesc nods. “I know that. I just wanted to get a reaction out you. I wanted to feel something from you even it was anger. There was passion in you for the first time in a long time.”

“I’m sorry, my love. That’s not your fault. It’s mine. My mind is always somewhere else.”

“I feel like one of those housewives that starts reading self-help books about how to get the spark back in your marriage.”

“If you buy those, I will throw them all out.”

“I almost bought a Kindle book…”

“Cesc…” Geri had to laugh. “You do realize you’re not even a wife…”

“I know! But I couldn’t find one for husbands! Apparently husbands don’t give a shit about the spark in their marriage, and gays don’t get a lot of representation in that area. At least not that I could find.”

“You don’t need it. I promise things will get better. I’ll even take some time off if you want. After next week, I’m yours for a while. Pedro should be ready to go, and we don’t have anything huge coming up anyway. This client was the biggest thing, and we got it.”

Cesc smiles genuinely for the first time. “I am really proud of you, Gerard. You are such an amazing lawyer, and a great winer-diner.” He chuckles.

“I’m the best, baby.” Geri smiles smugly, and brushes off his shoulder. Cesc swats his hand. “I really did plan a vacation, by the way. I even talked to your mom and sister behind your back.”

“What?” Cesc’s mouth pops open in a wide “O” shape.

“Yep! They’re going to watch Lia and Ponque, so we can have a trip for our anniversary. You haven’t forgotten, have you? It’s next Monday.”

“No, of course I didn’t forget. I already got you a gift, but I assumed you would forget, or you would work, or both.”

“Aww, baby. I’m sorry, but I didn’t forget. I planned a big trip.”

“Ibiza?”

“Mallorca.”

“Oh, Geri! I love Mallorca, and we haven’t been since we took that couples trip with Xavi and David!”

“I know!” Geri grins.

Cesc jumps into his lap. “Oh, baby, I’m so happy! Please don’t do anything and make us cancel it, please.” He kisses his lips and cheeks and neck.

Geri wraps his arms around him, and hugs him tightly. It’s been a long while since he made Cesc happy. He forgot how good that makes him feel. “I love you so much,” he whispers, clinging to him.

Cesc is still pressing kisses to his neck, but he stops to tell him that he loves him too. “I’m happy, Geri, really happy. Thank you for wanting to fix this.”

“We’re not broken, Cescky. We’re just making it better, not fixing it.”

“Of course, Geri.”

“Will you come to bed now? I want to get some sleep, so we can go for brunch tomorrow.”

“Okay, baby, of course. Do you want to have a shower first?”

“Mmm… are you talking about a couples shower or…?”

“Of course.” He giggles.

“Then, yes, I think I need a shower first.”

Cesc slides off his lap, and stands up. He takes his hands to help him stand, but Ponque jumps in his lap. Cesc drops his hands, laughing. “Love on her first, Ger. She misses you too!”

“Aww, do you miss me, girl?” Geri scratches behind her ears, and on her chin. “What the…?” He tips her head up, scratching at her chin. “What is this?” He pulls at something stuck in her fur. When he finally frees it, he examines it closely. “Cesc… is this s popcorn kernel?”

“Well…”

“Why is it sticky?”

Cesc looks sheepish. “Uh, it was caramel corn…”

“You gave her caramel corn? Why?”

“Well, now Geri! I was eating some, and I dropped a piece, and she ate it! She loved it, so then she climbed in my lap, and just stared at me!! What was I supposed to do?”

“Put her down, and tell her no? That was begging, Cesc. That’s what I didn’t want her to do.”

Cesc grabs her face, and pushes it toward Geri. “Look at that face! Tell me you wouldn’t give that caramel corn!”

Geri opens his mouth to speak, but Cesc shouts out, “Liar!”

“I didn’t even say anything.”

“Well…”

Geri laughs and ruffles her fur. “Oh, she’s a good dog. She deserved a treat, I guess. You are a mess though.” He points to Cesc.

Cesc sticks his tongue out. “I’m a good daddy to her.”

“You’re a spoiler!” He puts Ponque on the floor, and stands up. “I hate to see what you’re going to do with our baby girl.”

“Give her anything and everything she wants, and protect her from anyone that tries to hurt her. Just what any good father would do!”

Geri shakes his head, and sweeps Cesc off of his feet. Cesc squeals and giggles. “Husband, how long has it been since I carried you to the shower, stripped you down, and kissed every inch of you?”

“So long I can hardly remember what your glorious mouth feels like roaming all over my skin.”