#wxa

although pain and distaste can be seemingly temporary, the effects are intriguing. the memories of such instances stay and can pose reoccurring issues or annoyances.

reminders of the things that are of the most bothersome, that-like words-are simple, yet act as triggers to derail the mind and send it spiraling.

but again who wouldn't want to escape where pain is evident, emotions are complexed, yet words are simple.

who wouldn't want to escape the taste of iron, like dirty forgotten pennies left sitting in one's wallet...

Mistreated, yet you want to be treated

Undervalued, yet you want to be valued

Disrespected, yet you want to be respected

Unloved, yet that's what you want

To be loved

Just understanding that those things do not come for free those things are to be earned. To be given to you.

But when I want to be alone, I am not

When I want to be attended to, I am not

When I want to be respected, I am not

When I want to be heard, I am not

When I want and crave the desire that is you, I am not

Why do I feel like I need to leave?

I'm the one who has the uncontrollable rage, yet I find myself taking my control and seeing that disorder reflected in you.

Toxicity seeping in, creeping into what was once something to be...well just that. To be.

You say I hurt you all the time, but you do just that. Hurt me. What am I to say about that?

Reckless action lead to reckless consequence which is what is to be deserved.

Sometimes when I think about you, I get sad

But not because you did anything wrong.

It was never you my little love.

It was life; the circumstance, pain.

Cruel is it what it was,

to fill me up full of love and you.

I was scared, I'll admit,

I felt alone and scared of the future and what it held.

The mixture of sickness and sadness,

It felt as though I was the only one who wanted you, and he didn't seem to care.

To him it was as if you weren't even there.

But he didn't know.

He didn't know how great you could've been; we made you,

and I know you would've taken the world by storm.

I would picture your little hands and feet.

Watching my image of you grow before my eyes.

From hearing your first breath to feeling you sleep on my chest,

Seeing your walks turn to runs and your babbles turn to a million words.

I love you more than anything, even though I lost you.

I just want to feel accepted.

Sick and tired of feeling rejected

By the ones I love & the ones I trust.

It's an endless cycle of loves forgotten.

Forgotten...damn, here I am again

caught in

Someone's game of chess...

I thought we were friends

that you cared for me like

I cared for you?

Trust has been broken

and the blood sprayed

Heart's content can no longer be

contained,

For it was poisoned to perfection,

Just as your cold heart and

devilish smile had been.

You know the one that made

my heart

jump a

mile.

Should I keep it going?

'Cuz it won't be the same.

But if I do...please don't make this

another one of your games.

From the moment my arms decided to be your embrace, to hold your body close to mine, the feeling of hot tears embedding themselves into the fabric of my shirt, the details of my skin, mesmerized me. I had done this to you. A sadistic thought thrived for a moment at that. I was capable of the destruction of the very thing I couldn’t do. Love.