#wwooow

I want to share this story because I feel like a lot of people are wasting away their lives.

Today my “aunt” visited us (she’s actually my mom’s cousin). She came to a family meeting that we have every other week and she came out to everyone (a big catholic family).

She’s 56 now, almost 57. Has been married and all that.

When she was 25, she met the love of her life.

They dated for a little while but she thought it wasn’t the right time. The girl wasn’t in a safe place to come out and they had a few complications during their relationship. Some teenage drama and all that silly stuff.

She spent a whole year getting POLs (proof of love) from this girl. Little things like postcards or little notes, her phone ringing in the middle of the night and small ways the girl kept telling her she loved her still.

Until one day, it stopped.

She was relieved for a while, then she missed her sweetheart.

She moved on. Got married, travelled, saw the world, got a promotion, got married again… she was never as fulfilled as she once was with this girl.

She never felt a love so strong, so pure. Never had anyone tried so hard or fought for her as much as that girl did during that whole year. No one told her she was beautiful with so much meaning.

But she was convinced she could not go back on her word. She would not leave her heart in someone’s hand. She stuck to her decision of not getting back together. Pride spoke louder than her heart. She was convinced they could not get back together because she was not in love anymore.

30 years later, they found each other.

It was something random. A lonely meal in a food court of a busy mall during a trip alone to New York (neither lived there). She saw her, they waved at each other, said hello, exchanged pleasantries. Decided to share the table because the place was full. One had a steak and fries, the other had steak and salad. They laughed at the food choice.

It was all there again. That love she never gave a chance to fully bloom. It was all right there. She felt 25 again. She felt beautiful in this woman’s eyes. She could feel the love oozing from her. They talked for hours. Went for a walk in a city that didn’t belong to any of them.

In the end of the day, they said goodbye in a busy street, only to find out their hotels were close by. She walked the other woman to her hotel door. They said that generic “goodbye. It was great seeing you. We should do this again sometime”. It’s am empty promise; we all know it.

She was a few feet away when she heard her name being called, she turned around: “Do you still love me? Do you think now is our time to be together? That chance you never game me when we were young?”

She cried. She saw her two filed marriages, her long lonely nights, the parties, the one night stands, the busy days and empty nights… it all came to her in a rush. 30 years without feeling that woman’s love for her. 30 years of happy moments but never a complete feeling. Never 100% happiness. 30 years of every now and then wondering where that girl went. The girl who wears her heart in her eyes. The girl who promised her all her love. The girl who knew they were meant to be.

She cried and she sat quietly on the side walk. Let that woman come to her and comfort her with all her sweetness and kind words.

“I was always so proud of being smart. I was always so sure of my decisions. I always knew it was right to say goodbye to you. But there was always a lingering doubt. There was always the “what if” showing up in the back of my mind and being smoldered by my brain. Loving you was a safe place to leave my heart. I knew you’d never break it but I couldn’t go back on my word, on my decisions. I needed a new life, a new love. I couldn’t let myself love you more because you could’ve broken my heart, even if I knew you wouldn’t. So I broke yours first.”

They’re both crying on the side walk now. No one notices that in the busy New York autumn.

The same kind eyes that carry her heart and soul for all to see and bring transparency in a world filled with games and evil looked at her. “You broke my heart. I never denied that. But you taught me an important lesson that day. To love myself as much as I love you. I’ve had my kids and even a grandkid. I’ve seen the world. I filled a bucket list, got my dream job and a wonderful husband. I’ve lived a long, happy life. But I never forgot you. You were always here in my heart and my heart was always here with you. Is it our time now?”

She couldn’t speak, she was choking on 30 years well lived but with this one regret always in the back of her mind. She nodded. It was their time. It had been their time during that whole year she tried to conquer her back. It was their time since the day they broke up. It was always their time; she should’ve just given them a chance. A chance to fight for happiness, for love.

They are now living their great love story. They don’t have their youth anymore. They missed those 30 years that could’ve been great together. But they now have a chance, the chance one of them wasn’t willing to fight for, the chance she was scared would break her heart.

They got married a week later. They had already wasted enough time. Her ex-husband (her best friend) and her son gave her away to the woman they knew would now appreciate her love.