#wryterpillar

I never really imagined my children past the age of 5, in the same way I never really imagined my life last 25... Those were really the two biggest goals I had, if that makes any sense. To graduate college and to become a mama. At 25 Id done both, and now at near-30 I've got a 5-er, and a wild toddler babe. I guess you could say I'm wingin it big time now, but this kind of living suits me better anyhow. I feel like we have turned the page into a new chapter, my children very much guiding each moment in that carpe diem spirit. I am so grateful that this bright soul chose me to be his mama. He is my rainbow baby and the most wonderful North Star of my heart. Happiest birthday, my darling #wryterpillar. Wherever you draw your map I will be sure to follow... with lots of spaghetti and m&m's and cozies, always and forever. I love you.

#wryterpillar asked to see Alcatraz for his birthday, so naturally that's exactly what he's doing ✨ happy 4th birthday, my love ❤️ #sanfrancisco#happiness#inmyownbackyard

four years ago i was due to have a baby. i had a big, full belly filled with every dream i could ever imagine for a son. though it would be five more days until i met the love of my life, i remember sitting in my doctor's office and glancing anxiously at every poster, sign, clock, and face, knowing (but really having no clue) how different life would be the next visit, with my baby finally in my arms. two days of labor and the most transforming experience of life later, on 11/6/11, my delicious baby boy was here. best day ever. tonight, after we celebrated early, #wryterpillar said to me, "thank you for my birthday, mama", and of course the only thing i could whisper back was, "thank you for making me a mama..." and naturally i cried when i walked out because don't we all in those kinds of ridiculous moments?! when we don't feel nearly worthy of such a big, wonderful love but there it is in the purest form... straight from the mouths of our babes. i am just so proud and in love with this sweet child of mine. so happy birthday week, my handsome boy!! i'm glad there are just a few more days of 3 to soak up, but i am so ready to see what four has in store for us! xo🎈

17 months, 3 weeks and 2 days postpartum. the weight around my middle fluctuates, the definition of my muscles changes, but my skin is always soft… and i love that. i want the place where my babies bury their little toes, blow raspberries, and wrap their arms around me to be like velvet. i want it to be as comforting as it first was to them in the womb, regardless of how much time has passed on the outside. and on days when i wish for anything else, i am quick to remind myself of the two breathing beings who made me soft, and the magic in which that softness came from. ✨ #takebackpostpartum #storybloom #wryterpillar

my darling #wryterpillar… exploring and sinking deeply into the things that interest him as he nears his 4th rotation around the sun. i am profoundly changed by the journey we have weathered together through his toddlerhood, the hardest moments of my life and surely most of which will lie quietly in his subconscious for his many, many years to come. i am learning the difficult act of pardoning, as his mother. to trust and believe that i was meant to guide him through those months of two and navigate turbulent three. if i want to find the grace to pick up the pieces i wish hadn’t broken along the roads of postpartum depression and late night aching for sleep and distance… well then i have to forgive myself for the days i know i could have done better. my darling little boy. this little creature who cocooned so sweetly in my belly and emerged a perfect being… only to be shaped delicately by his experiences earthside. someday he will stand conscious of himself, all-knowing (he may think) and seeing before him the human he is meant to be. and stand behind him i will, with love and compassion, for not just him, but myself. my only prayer is that he will have the same grace set aside for me. sandcastles in the tide. we are little seeds in the wind. and as much as i thought my children would be planted by me, it is i who is sewn by them. my darling boy, you humble me.

my superhero ❤️💙 #wryterpillar

I keep finding myself lost for words when I stop and realize my baby boy will be *4* in November. I don't know why 4 is so much more intense than three, but it is. Then I stumbled over this while looking through a (primarily blank) journal tonight. My nursing log for #wryterpillar the first week or so of his life. I don't know for a fact, but I would bet money on it, that the person who came up with "all the feels" is very much a MAMA. Four. How does that happen? Four years is a high school education. All of college. Most of elementary school. And when I break that down and multiply it in my head I know he'll be wearing a cap and gown in no time. So for now, this moment, I trace over the numbers on this page and replay the ecstatic, exhausting moments I lived in every scribble of memory placed here. #newborn #aroundtheclock #breastfeeding #bliss #happiesthours #sacredlove (Also, I'll never forget bringing this to Wry's 4-day check up. Our pediatrician barely glanced at it. We couldn't believe it. "But it's so important!", we thought... Well he'd gotten to his birth weight + half a pound so she didn't bat an eye. Forever thankful for the nutrients my body made for my baby, sans logs, sans measurements, because I know it isn't so easy for everyone. But TRUST and a full faith in my body, beyond what I could see, helped so much. Our bodies are truly #divine. Needless to say... We didn't do anymore logs after this, butter ball gained 1lb- .5lb/week until he was 1 & walking 😍)