#wrongisright

Do not know where to start my story, but I wanted to share things with world.

This all started in few years back and meet some one in office and I immediately got attracted to her. She has lots of positive energy, great smile, can do anything personality and when I looked her and spoke her first week, I knew that she was someone I was looking for all this time.

I was married with 2 kids. Ok would I call it I have happy married and having great family relationship? I do not know, I was more of taking it like responsibility than actually committed to it. I was not completely gel with my wife and there was not much understanding between us, but both of us pretend to be happy and just move on.

And as soon I meet this girl and started talking, I would get more and more attracted by each day. Felt like doing anything for her is less and trying to gain her attention daily.

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When you look back at things... when you have a distance from the situation. Being wrong allows for learning, a life learning that is personal and emotional. 

Learning from being wrong has more value, it changes how you approach life, personally and professionally... it helps you see and know who you want to be as a person. 

It’s also nice to be wrong when you thought you wanted one thing, and something else happens that’s better.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

It makes me feel sick! It’s in my throat, my stomach, and my heart... I feel closed up and super vulnerable. 

It only alleviates with time... with taking the time to actually sit and understand why––what decisions led to the situation. 

The worst is when you don’t listen to your intuition... when you know its wrong and you still do the wrong and it hurts so deeply. 

My intuition is quite accurate, so I know, I definitely know. Still, I think I can change things and force it them to get better... deep down though I know I’m wrong and I can’t make it better can’t fix the feeling without time.

I think I’ve tried to get better at not going against my intuition, to trust it a little bit more. Yet if I’m worried something might be wrong, or I’m not sure about the next step, it’s hard to take any next step if it could be wrong, I often will take a safe step just to avoid being wrong.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I would like to be less scared of being wrong, to make decisions not based on right or wrong, however, I don’t feel open to that at this point... I’m still limited by my own definition of right and wrong.

There are so many moments I’ve doubted myself, like applying to grad school... I thought “I’m never gonna get in,” then I was encouraged to do it anyway and I now I’m here... I’m wrong like that a lot and it turns out right.

The biggest one for me though was after university. I didn’t really want to be back with my ex, yet I did it anyway. I went with him again for two years and for one whole year of it he was unfaithful to me. 

I would find out all the time about different women he was with... friends and strangers would tell me about it. The prospect of his unfaithful behavior would always be looming over me like a cloud. Finding all of it out made it so clear to me that he was poison, and now I never wonder “what if” about him. 

Giving it a chance, and opening myself even when I knew it was wrong created a tipping point... without trying I would not be able to be with someone else now, I really believe I would always be wondering if it could have worked with my ex... it’s a bit like drugs and that was definitely my bottom. 

Now I have a deeper knowing that I can be better and deserve better rather than making struggle the center of my life.

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

In love. Love is one area I feel that the “correct” behavior my mind tells me is often not what’s fulfilling.

I realized being wrong offers an expansiveness. I’ve learned a lot about myself when I’ve broken out of things that I think I want in someone, let myself be with someone that doesn’t look like or seem like what I think I’d be with. My view of myself gets bigger and more dimensional.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Slightly out of control... it’s in my stomach and my shoulders. It’s awkward... like being just out of your gangly teenage stage: uncomfortable, zits and “blegh” and a little bit greasy!

There’s also a buzz in me... it’s a discomfort physically, like my face is just too big.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I met a guy. He asked me out, he pursued me, we started dating. I woke up one morning in his apartment and I realized there was no fitted street. The apartment was filthy and I was suddenly not attracted to him.

I saw him a few times after that. I knew it was wrong for me long term, still I just let it be wrong for a month, maybe a month and a half, and there was something right about it. I had never done that before––been with someone who in some ways felt like a stranger––with such detachment. 

In the long run, for personal development, it felt good because I’d done something another way... I tried it, and even though it was a bit weird, even a little scary, there was something attractive in the seediness, the wrongness of the situation. In the end it was just chemistry... there is nothing wrong with me, and nothing wrong with him, it just is what it is.