#writingformysanity

I'm not ok and you know I'm not ok by now but you think I'm just normal not ok but I'm not my stomach pain it's because of when I'm sad it always happens to me because I'm sad my headache is because of my anxiety and depression. And I know what you're think "ok drama queen cut it out" cause that's what they all think nobody really understands even the ones you trust more and believe in don't understand because they never went through it do you know what depression really is??? It's this feeling of sadness guilt and pressure all together but in great amounts it feels like it'll never go away and because of that you develop anxiety the shittiest thing in the world I feel anxious a lot of the time but my most horrifying one was for 4 hours and I just felt me heart sinking and stomach in pain and the room getting smaller and losing breathe for 4 hours straight!!! That's the most painful thing you'd experience. And again you think I'm dramatic but go ask any anxious person that's what they feel but you know what sucks most is I feel guilty because I distract you from your studying I feel guilty because I'm a burden on my family I'm a huge massive headache to everyone I feel guilty for that I know I'm all that but what makes it worst is you knowing it then someone saying I'm already losing grades or I'm already busy or I don't feel like talking they suck because they add the guilt and pressure and shit it breaks you down

I've broken down I've literally cried 4 times today

I don't know why I'm writing this I just want to write it because I think it'll free me a little which will be good. I want this stupid depression thing to end. And hey I know you think she is just playing as she is depressed in real life she laughs and talks normally. Depression doesn't take 1 form sometimes it's not obvious some depressed people don't show it and I'm afraid I'll do something wrong to hurt myself or try to end this maybe that's why I'm telling you maybe not I don't know. I'm just overwhelmed with emotions that I don't need I lost the emotions that I need

I need help

And I don't blame you if you want to end things before they get weirder

I'm sorry....

It kicked in once again... my everlasting distress... My prohibited demon... my ranging flame... my depression. My anxiety!

A way for me to describe depression &anxiety? Depression is a shape shifter. Depression is an orphan that lost his parents due to a stupid argument that caused their divorce. It’s a wild animal that just couldn’t be in its cage. Anxiety is a person with a match in his hand Depression is like a flame burning down every tiny bit of the house. I AM THE HOUSE. Anxiety is a beautiful stranger it acts so innocent until it breaks you into pieces.

You do these things. But you don’t know how much they hurt, you do these things, but you don’t know that once you hurt yourself I as well get hurt. You do these things, but you don’t understand what they make me do. You do these things that once you’re gone I’ll feel so lonely so alone so fucking empty! Why do you have to be so selfish! Why you gotta be so selfish??? You are gone you left me so helpless!

She is a flower that was just planted in the dark woods looking forward to the future wondering what it'd be like to bloom to be the beautiful flower she always desired to be. Day dreaming about what she'd create with her beauty. She started blooming, happiness sent her flying! But what she doesn't know is there is only darkness that awaits her. There's a dark entity roaming the woods this entity hates beauty and all that's wonderful in this world it sensed that something was shedding light from the right side of the woods! She was furious at what she saw running down to destroy what it was. Once she arrived she saw her there bloomed happy shocked at what's around her ready to shed light at everything and make it beautiful but she was still too weak to do that and the entity was way stronger. Once the flower realised there was a dark figure watching her she began to get frighten and trying everything in her strength to send beautiful vibes to that shadow and make it appear brighter but it was to late the entity had already cut of the flower and all her dream along side it. It felt pain, agony, & distress. There was nothing but darkness and emptiness. what once was a blooming flower is now nothing but shattered petals being crushed by the dark woman of the woods.

Not trusted... lost in the middle of her life... no where to go... no place to find.... no where to call home.... no friends to go to... no family to turn to... lost in her own life... lost in the middle of her mind... not knowing what to do... or where to go... she gets attacked... bullied... pushed... punched... she decided then that life isn't for her so she used social medias.... but she thought wrong...she got raped on social media... sexting hit her like a rock... people bullied her even on social media... she was weak.. not capable of doing anything... she cries... cries in tears for she has no one to help her... but what she doesn't know is she is dreaming... she wakes up and knows her life had just began now...

My candle turned off... someone blew it's light... the lighter broke... my whole wax froze... it felt cold... no other lighter could light this candle... no lighter at all.