#writing-blue-notes

I loved you,

I loved you,

It's true,

And sometimes

I feel like

I feel like I don't belong

Like a part of me is somewhere else,

And I'm still stuck searching for

Has-beens and what-nots,

Tying forget-me-knots in string

Tying what held me back together

And none of this makes sense because

I was born here

Here, in the hospital room

Where white walls and white beds

Mean healthy

Where curtains constrain sickness

Where nurse's hold thermometers

Under armpits, and baby's breath

Is more than just a flower

I was raised here

Here, in the soft backyard

Where dandelions grow

Where a shed becomes a hiding hole

Where you play on the cement patches

Grandpa built as a young man

I had grown here

Here, where friends flake,

And gangs aren't fake

Where a fallen cry is another's poem

Where relationships are spread thin

Like hot cheese on crackers

I was born here,

But it doesn't feel the same as when

We get out of the state

For a little while, or when

Aquarium visits could last a lifetime,

Or when watching penguins

Turn into watching stars

Something is waiting for me out there

Something I know well,

But I've never met before

How a vision when I was 6,

Can turn into a reality

How horror can become

A great comedy

How stained glass prophecies

Can be more than just stories

I feel like I belong

In the fish tank with the sharks,

And with the cacti in the deserts,

And with the penguins behind glass

I feel like a part of me lives there,

Watching stars in the night sky,

Pointing at each one and stating,

"That one's you!"

How fast do shooting stars

Actually move?

Maybe I'm waving from one,

Or maybe I'm waving from a moon

But I do know:

I don't belong here,

In the back of my mind

All the time

Like a fever,

Like I'm burning alive,

Like a sign