#writeunderinfluence

Emotions have begun to devour me,

Struggling amidst,

I feel like a pendulum,

Just keeping tabs of time passing on,

How do I overcome my incompetence,

To cope with this bane of morality,

Drugs even could not give me any respite,

My miscreant mind can't even give my stupid heart a short reprieve,

Money has no appeal for me,

Power I can't be trusted with,

Due to my crippling empathy,

Attention makes me awkward,

And anonymity suffocates me,

Spirituality seduces me now & then,

But all of its roads lead me to,

The actualisation of my hypocrisy,

Failures don't provoke me,

Success also has only a momentary euphoria,

Inevitability of death, I have already accepted,

But how do I live with a fading spark?

They say, love would be an elixir for you,

Huh!!! As if I am not narcissist enough,

I have already imagined the worst any of my beloved can do,

And forgave them,

Alas!! I am not that tough!!

I invite y'all, if you have any tip,

Not asking from the survivors,

Hey expectation,

Will you please find me next time,

Coz chasing after you has often left me in exasperation,

Despair has been the consequence of most of our meetings,

Got a handful of jubilant encounters,

But the bad far outweighs the good,

I refuse to be the deliverer of my own misery anymore,

You live in my wants, they are infinite,

Kindly move in to my needs, that would bring satisfaction,

You have utterly disappointed me when I was in love,

Coz the only way to be successful in love was your murder,

I tried to suck the life out of you but ended up in the abyss of depression.

Now when I go online looking for a date,

I search for the girl with following traits-

Don't give me advice

Give me your support,

Don't need you to blindly believe me

I just need a rapport,

Can you be with me without expectations

Coz if you do you would be my beloved,

I'll be living forever for your satisfaction

Society also suffocates me using you as a weapon coz-

The thing that an individual seeks from society is it's validation,

The thing that society wants from an individual is to not ever live up to it's expectations,

Either you are a hero or a villain,

You have to go against the norm,

Hypocrisy has seeped deep into our bones,

Coz we ostracize the people who do not conform,

Whereas going against the society has been the genesis of any reform.

Expectation, you mostly have been the conveyer of despair when most wish for an ecstatic fantasy.

I had explored some facets of you in my life which I conveyed through these poetries.

Don't mind it, coz it is a rant of an optimist,

Silver lining can't be the end result

When evil is engulfing most of it,

Hope arises from a place of uncertainty,

Expectation you are a wishing well,

All is hunky dory when you come true,

Coz you are the flame, I am the candle,

You are the water, I am the glacier,

It takes everything to hold on to you,

Even then I am gradually fading away,

Don't worry I would never blame you,

Coz I am the moth to your flame,

I want to perish into you,

Existing anyway would be in futility,

If you are not in my vicinity,

You are my heroin(e),

There is no cure to your addiction,

The high I feel with you,

Is the nirvana for the monks,

I have already achieved enlightenment,

Ready for the next chapter,

You may be metaphor for many,

For me you are an oxymoron,

We have not formally met yet,

Coz I dwell in the tropics,

You are a temperate phenomenon,

Still I can't seem to escape you,

Like my bitter reality,

Supposedly I owe you a gratitude,

Your arrival makes the night longer,

I get more time to hole up in my fantasies,

I see people writing poetry,

Fascinated by you as an ode,

Coz people often forget,

The leaves you shed off,

Revelling in the name of fall,

I thought I would write an elegy,

For those leaves forgotten,

People mock me and compare you

To my facial hair which keeps growing,

Only to ultimately end up shaven,

Don't be proud autumn,

Coz of your aesthetics,

The lesson you impart is of impermanence,

And it's the leaves that wilted away,

Who should get the credit of it..

I appreciate you bring harvest,

I am not being indignant,

Like I said you are an oxymoron,

You bring the fruits of our labour,

Abandoning the leaves who made it possible,

I am a paradox

Dwelling in contradictions,

You may have me all figured out

But that could end up as an illusion,

My wit is fire,

Coz I burn the pretention

Whether it's in me or you

Bring your genuine to the fore,

Power it has to mold opinions

I tend to direct it inwards coz

Introspection I engage in galore,

My ego is like water

It can take whatever shape I desire,

Humility is my sword

Pride my hidden armour,

Insult me all you want

Grudge I can nurture,

My brain is just like earth

Creative enough to manifest my thoughts,

Just like earth manifests life

Cruel enough to discard most of them,

Only let the most overwhelming to dwell in my mind

Just like earth where only it's fittest progenies survive,

Space is comparable to my mind

Wisdom is the boundary ever expanding

Ignorance the region where light yet can't reach,

Intellect the gravity holding everything together

Intelligence I possess like a supernova

Exhibition of it gradually alters my persona,

Insecurities and fear are air to me,

I breathe them in constantly

Creating the storm of anxiety within me,

Pen is becoming Jesus commanding the storm

I breathe out poetry & stories currently,

One broken

Other abandoned

Love infernal

Heart rotten

She infests

Parasitic relation turns mutualism

Her trust issues

His insecurities

Confrontation light years from contemplation

He an introvert

She a gossip queen

Compatibility awaits conquer

Leave caste or class

International border dividing

Can love be enough as a unifying factor

Elusive end

Or profound beginning

Desperate to find that fragrance

Borderline crazy like the musk deer

I always looked for the light elsewhere

Parents had inculcated good values,

Corrected my ways throughout childhood,

Grandparents were the architect of my character,

Through mythological tales and fables,

Teachers imparted knowledge,

Taught me the value of discipline,

Neighbor aunties also contributed,

Ratting me out to my parents,

Whenever they caught me in a mischief,

Friends have lifted me up,

As well as dragged me down,

But they don't lie on the morality meter,

Coz we stumble and fall together,

To rise up again and with a tale,

To reminisce about in the future,

I am high on gratitude for these people,

Never wanna get to sobriety,

But like that musk deer,

The guiding light is within,

Whenever I have a nefarious intent,

It tells me to refrain,

Always suppresses any evil tendency,

Conscience thou name,

I am the prisoner of my conscience,

Sentence is lifetime imprisonment,

My soul have been put into that lighthouse,

It is a solitary confinement,

If my mind tries to brew any storm,

In the sea of my thoughts,

Conscience takes over the sails,

Course correcting through the moral compass,

Soul beams the light from the lighthouse,

Reaffirms my conscience,

You are on the right path..

The sun is within me to counter any stygian,

I may wander sometimes from the right way,

But never get lost because

Faced adversity

Listen inner demons weep

Sparring with fate now,

Ignorance befriends

Curiosity is foe

Hey alter ego,

Adventure mundane

Narcissistic tendencies

Empathy counters,

Constantly battling

Introspection paves the way

For my own progress,

Dwelling in insomnia