#writening

Fourth day as an isekai'd hero and I finally manage to do a demonstration of what 'elecricity' is using a piece of cloth and amber and while the elf is pretty impressed, I've got no idea how to get from here to anything actually useful.

Fifth day as an isekai'd hero and the symbol of the Evil Emperor of Woe just kinda looks like the 'cool S' and the busty elf looks at me strangely when I only barely manage to stop myself laughing at it when she shows me a history book.

Sixth day as an isekai'd hero and turns out yelling in pain after I dropped the Holy Sword on my foot has accidentally summoned a demon called Gsh'Dargn.

Seventh day as an isekai'd hero and the elf's still not talking to me after the demon-summoning fiasco but luckily demons of minced oaths are pretty much made of wet cardboard and I managed to beat it to death with the sheathed Holy Sword.

Eighth day as an isekai'd hero and my vague description of what I remember about the Bessemer process makes the elf tackle me to the ground, knife against my neck, demanding to know how I learned the secret elven techniques for coke-efficient steel.

Ninth day as an isekai'd hero and I'm still feeling a bit fluttery after day eight and I'm wondering what else is a secret elven technique I can pretend to know so I can get pinned down more.

Tenth day as an isekai'd hero and I think the elf has worked out that I don't actually know all that much about steel production so she's a bit less wary of me which is a shame good thing I guess.

Eleventh day as an isekai'd hero and it turns out I'm immediately able to guess the major traits and possible weaknesses of the Six Kings of Destruction because they're inexplicably themed after bionicles.

Twelfth day as an isekai'd hero and I was rambling about spreadsheets or something and the elf got very interested and to cut a long story short I think I've invented something called 'double-entry bookkeeping'?

Thirteenth day as an isekai'd hero and I nearly get us captured by the border guard of the Evil Empire because it turns out their salute is a dab and I burst out laughing and now the elf isn't talking to me again.

Fourteenth day as an isekai'd hero and I manage to coax the elf back into speaking to me by describing movable type printing although she doesn't really see the point given how expensive good paper is, and I don't know anything about how that works except that maybe it involves wood.

Fifteenth day as an isekai'd hero and I finally remember how you make saltpetre and run up to the elf yelling something incoherent about guano, startling her so badly she tackles me to the ground again so honestly it's a win-win.

Sixteenth day as an isekai'd hero and we get sidetracked by organising a guano expedition in the dwarf caves and the elf gets bitten by a bat and now I'm trying to explain the concept of rabies vaccines with tears in my eyes but she says we have potions for that.

Seventeenth day as an isekai'd hero and the alchemist we hired is working on the saltpetre maybe so we're going dungeoneering and I manage to solve a puzzle by arranging the tiles into the Loss glyph and I think Isekai God or someone is fucking with me.

Eighteenth day as an isekai'd hero and I finally manage to invent gunpowder only to be undercut by this dwarf alchemist asking why I'm so excited about making black powder, I ask the elf if she knew about this and she shrugs and says she hasn't visited a dwarf city in fifty years.

Nineteenth day as an isekai'd hero and after several hours rephrasing my question to an increasingly bored alchemist I've determined that no-one's heard of a concept like fireworks so I've ordered a massive amount of paper and gunpowder and I'm going to finally get something done.

Twentieth day as an isekai'd hero: healer's tnet.

Twenty-first day as an isekai'd hero and I think I'm getting the hang of this fireworks thing even though the elf is watching me sceptically from a distance with a bucket of water.

Twenty-second day as an isekai'd hero and I ask the alchemist if they've got any chemicals that burn different colours and they're like what do you mean what kind of alchemist would I be if I didn't, so I think this fireworks plan might be coming together.

Twenty-third day as an isekai'd hero and the alchemist agrees to help me put on a fireworks show for a share of the profits and also because it sounds sick as hell.

Twenty-fourth day as an isekai'd hero and I stand under the fireworks with the awestruck elf and. Um. I take her hand and tell her how I feel.

Crippling debt (1d20x10 silver)

Stone with a hole in it.

Wanted poster (bad mediocre caricature)

Prewritten formal apology. Unsigned.

Ancient coin of ‘no value’.

A bitter rival.

Two false moustaches

Grubby jar of ointment “for horses”.

Letter opener. Mother-of-pearl handle.

Assorted pamphlets for various deities.

Seventeen copper pieces in a sock.

Scowling cameo portrait. Unknown subject.

Clay pipe, unused.

Dried lizard on a string. A charm, according to the seller.

d6 assorted pretty marbles.

Flint arrowhead you found in a ditch.

Dented pewter cup.

Twelve feet of coiled twine.

Fossilised pyrite coiled shell.

Handkerchief embroidered with an unpronounceable name.

Small pouch of a half-dozen nails.

Lock of hair tried with a ribbon. Unknown source.

Heavy book (unknown language) for pressing flowers.

Glass eye.

Small wheel of hard cheese, weighted to throw.

Sarcastic ex.

Set of dentures.

Unmatched ball of socks.

Corked bottle of ‘holy air’.

Promissory note for ‘a favour’, signed by you.

Three dice, one loaded. You don’t remember which.

Pack of grubby playing cards.

Ledger of minor debts you’re owed.

Tightly folded paper with a note – ‘NOT YET’.

Small porcelain egg, painted with an image of an unknown beast.

Skeleton key that doesn’t open any lock you’ve tried yet.

Stick of faintly luminescent chalk

Small flask of vinegar labelled ‘not vinegar’.

A hat that’s a size too large.

Hereditary curse of slugs.

Signet ring bearing a crest you don’t recognise.

Small pewter figurine of a bear wearing a hat.

Bottle of very strong perfume. A little goes a long way.

List of names you don’t know. Most are crossed out.

Signed affidavit confirming you exist. Notarised.

Bundle of ten candles, one blue.

Get-rich-quick scheme.

Baby shoes, never worn (not tragic).

Square of cloth, dyed an ambitious yet doomed shade of purple.

Unpleasant tallow soap.

Tooth of the Questing Beast (cursed).

Small raincloud, trained to return to a waxed bag.

Flask of bad but very strong rum.

Defunct hereditary title (Underwarden of the Eel Ponds).

Blood pact with someone you met once on a ferry.

Bag of dried leaves. Save vs Poison when smoked.

Some stones – maybe good for skipping?

Mystery Jerky – probably edible.

Small knife, only usable for fruit.

Thimble-sized drinking horn made from the tusk of a sabre-toothed mouse.

Portable kettle shaped a bit like a dragon.

Map to buried treasure, drawn from a dream.

Fancy napkin (stolen).

Pending lawsuit – hazy on details.

String of bone prayer beads – carved with unknown symbols.

A grudge, nursed for years, against someone who doesn’t know who you are.

Monogrammed clothing. All of it.

Paranoid suspicion that you’re being followed.

Nice hat, sought by many.

Concerning rash.

Allergy to dust and heresy.

Special carafe that makes potions taste better (false).

Vague prophecy that’s probably about you.

Thesis advisor. Will need updates eventually.

Jarred silence, wax-sealed. ‘75 vintage.

Neatly-folded flag of a foreign nation. You’re fairly sure which one.

Inconvenient, distinctive smell.

Bottle of birdsong, pickled in vinegar.

Pair of batons, knowledge of semaphore.

Embarassing tattoo.

Book of Wylde Beafts – you’ve ticked off the ones you’ve seen.

Family heirloom that several relatives believe was promised to them.

Themed set of cutlery.

Crumpled invite to a very exclusive club.

Tiny vial of deadly snail venom (handle with care).

Snowglobe-sized terrarium containing a ‘bonsai eon’ (roughly five minutes).

Decoy coinpurse for pickpockets. Contains a small lead weight and a rude note.

Double-headed coin.

Jury duty.

Half a map of an unknown location. Poorly-drawn, badly-stained.

Running tab in a bar – not local, but not as far away as you want it to be.

Pocket moondial – only works on nights when all three moons are visible.

A jacket that’s been repaired so much it’s wholly patches.

Tiny commemorative spoon. Date embossed on it means nothing to you.

A heartfelt letter of recommendation. The signatory's name is illegible.

A penpal, and a collection of correspondence from the aforementioned.

Interminable knitting project.

Poorly-calibrated compass which points Narth.

A manuscript that you’re trying to get published.