“You always smile like you’re about to cry,” I say, staring at you. “Your face scrunches up in an unnatural way and your eyes glisten with unshed tears. When you try talking, your voice comes out almost strangled. You can just tell something’s wrong, something’s off whenever you smile.”
I sigh, looking down. I shake my head. “I reckon that’s because you never smile for real. Someone looks your way and you plaster on a fake smile, but as soon as they turn back the smile is replaced with a sorrowful face. A frown so deep it looks endless. How long has it been since you really smiled? When was the last time you actually laughed and felt joy?”
I slam my hand down on the counter in front of me. My voice is a crescendo of fury. “WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GIRL WHO LAUGHED AT EVERYTHING? THE ONE FELT FREE AND GAVE OUT GENUINE SMILES AS IF SHE HAD AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF THEM?” My voice breaks, the tears are dripping down my face at this point. My hands grip the edge of the counter as I look up, broken with despair. “What happened to that girl? Where did she go? Who… who stole her from you?” I sob, my face scrunched up in pain, my reflection going blurry in front of me. “Why did you become this?”
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Bleeding through a core of glass,
Distorted city lights.
By the reflection of vanity,
A mirror of the selfish
Beyond the heights of heaven,
Towers of glass and steel.
Fragments of darker pasts,
Running away from the future.
Bleeding through a core of glass,
Distorted city lights.
As the sun set, leaving shards of sunlight on the open radiant orange fields, there was no lack of eminence to the City of Glass. The inner city lights lit up almost ceremoniously as a mixture of colours soon refilled the fields with their beauty. Yellow, blue, green, red; all hypnotic colours that shimmered just beyond the steel and glass towers in the city. The large high-rise buildings that towered above the clouds seemed like a mosaic made by a child, with different colours filling different levels, serving different purposes. Differentiating each level to a different home, or perhaps a night-club, perhaps somebody’s funeral…
By the reflection of vanity,
A mirror of the selfish.
One woman in particular did not seem to rest, like the rest of the city, she instead lit up with the lights. Indulgence was her name, and it would be all she ever was. Empty glasses of wine littered her own floor among the towers of glass. Some were knocked over, some still half-full, as she began to recover from a heavy day of drinking and begin her work in the night. Looking herself over in the mirror, she couldn’t see her own reflection; she instead saw the littered wine glasses behind her and the spilt red wine across her top. Another mess to clean up. She would indulge later, for now she had best be off, to earn her money, so she could once again indulge alone, hoarding her desires to herself, and nobody else.
Beyond the heights of heaven,
Towers of glass and steel.
Then, sitting well above the synthetic clouds produced by the city, lay the blue grid of moonlight harvesting. Much like sunlight, the moonlight was also particularly useful in producing energy, and when harvested across the tops of synthetic clouds, reflecting and amplifying the energy to collectors; you begin to make a profit on your investments. Multi-purpose light collectors used fields of blue-gridded panels aiming for the stars that would collect both moonlight and sunlight when available. Other panels were directed towards a funnel, with what appeared to be an estranged dome roof raised just above the funnel that lead down to a large panel. These reflectors would take any sort of light, amplify it to the funnel, where it was amplified again and then sent down to a singular collector. Whether you stood upon one of the tops of one of these towers at day or night, you would quickly go blind. But some say it is worth it, to be able to see a technological heaven, giving the city it’s luminescent lights below. Each tower like a god to the pantheon of the future; blessing their followers with an ecstasy of powering technology and bright lights. However… given the revelations, this heaven is beyond god now.
Fragments of darker pasts,
Running away from the future.
War, famine, pestilence, death, wherever there are two challengers to a conflicting belief, these aspects of life follow. Humans have always been good at forgetting, but never forgiving. Perhaps it is because we choose to live through our actions, rather than our words. Hoping that one day everything we dreamed for would come true, and that would make up for the wrongs of our past. To achieve a perfect world and utopia where we could live in harmony, yet like the destruction of ancient culture, we would rather choose to forget about our past, and live in the future. A future without faith. Yes, in this world there is no great deity, there is no god, Allah, Buddha or Pantheon. It is considered the ‘perfect’ world, but can anything ever truly be perfect?
here’s a short story. props to write world for the inspiration
The tube station was full, yet she was able to walk beneath the city without considering one individual in the crowd. Standing with tip-toes on the yellow line, she kept her posture firm, back erect, as her brown bangs blew along with her raincoat to the arrival of a train. The crowds filed out, parting around her. Nameless. Shapeless. Mobs of humanity that were, to her, much less than human. They could not make her feel.
In one step she leapt over the gap. Two steps closer to uptown and the car had deserted, save her and the music the white earbuds filled only in her head. The doors were closing. She took one final look around at the empty seats, feeling comforted by the quiet room, soft pop, and screeching railcars.
Returning her eyes down, she calmed her awareness so that when the sound of a thud from inside the car reverberated through her seat, her eyes darted to the source, nerves scattered. A boy. He had just leapt through the closing doors and barely landed on his feet. His pack had been thrown in before him. After picking it up, he looked down the car to find her. Even in the artificial light she could see the shine in his eyes. It had her.
He patted down his wet coat that had too many pockets for her to find convenient. He sat his pack down and took a seat sitting opposite her, meters away. While rolling up his jeans he examined his worn boots. A patch had come off near the sole of the shoe. That would not do for crossing any part of the city tonight.
He looked around the car for help, finding only the girl. His age, he could tell, but probably without any scraps of leather or canvas in that bag. She appeared more worried about the purse matching her long, grey coat to be of use. He still had to admit to himself with a small grin that she had pulled it off nicely.
The girl noticed him react in delight as if discovering a solution. He pulled something out of his pack as the car began to bounce from side to side. It was something too small for her to see, yet, to her surprise, he began to slowly, methodically, tear a canvas patch off of his coat sleeve. Lifting up his leg, he placed the patch in the open spot of his boot and began to move his hands around it. Was he seriously sewing on the tube?
A minute passed as he worked until he could look down at the covered shoe and smile. Noticing a gust on his bare arm, he found the open window a few seats down, just before the girl. He covered the open sleeve with his hand and chuckled before returning his head down, but keeping his eyes over on the window…he’s looking at the window, right? No? Oh gosh!
She had given him too long a glance; that shine was fixed on her. No longer thinking too hard what to do, she gave him a smile in return for his gaze.
He had made her smile today.
He had made her feel today.
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His mother never laughed anymore. As a boy, Theodric could remember his mother’s laugh being almost contagious. The Lady Felice was really not like most noble women. She knew how to wield a sword and crack a joke with the men in the bailey of Stonewood Deep. She was beautiful in an unconventional way, with long dark auburn hair and soft blue eyes. She was warm and inviting, such a stark contrast to their frigid surroundings. He remembered she was always especially warm to Arion.
The air had smelled so crisp and clean outside of Stonewood Deep. The stronghold of House Forst was located in the deepest valley on the north slopes of the Titans where the fog and mist hung in low shadows. The mountain range was at its highest here, with the warmer sea air rolling in from the great bay and getting trapped in the sharp cut vales. Here not only were the mountains titans, but the trees as well, so high, so thick and dense and strong.
Arion Reiss was born the only son of the late Lord Jon Riess and his child bride the young Lady Mae. She had been a sight to behold, a beauty of red hair and striking green eyes. Unfortunately Ari took after his father with his muted features, nothing very striking or interesting about him, except for the deep circles around his hazy gray eyes. After the gruesome and tragic events that led to the end of House Reiss, Arion had been sent to live as the ward of Lord Rickard Forst. It was decided Arion would be a great match for house Forst. Lord Beric had four boys of his own, young Theodric the same age as Arion. And it went without saying that the Stonewood Deep would prove an impregnable fortress would it be his estranged family came looking for the boy.
Theo and Ari ran as hard as they could along the old forest road. The two found an almost instantaneous bond when Arion came to live with them. A type of connection where they both knew the other would defend them to the death were it to come to that. Yet, at only 7 and 8 years it was never going to come to that. Their true band of brotherhood came all those times the two boys sneaked out of the castle grounds. The road was a serpentine path through the old groves to the logging camps one after another. And the boys were nary a scarce sight. As far back as Theodric could remember, the two had been running this road. The dust kicked up underneath them as they raced toward Stonewood Deep, trying to beat the sun as it threatened to dip behind the great stone wood trees in the west.
Lady Felice would have quite a bit to say about this. She always found them in the worst situations. Theo’s lady mother was a woman who believed a child’s place was at her knee, never out of sight and never on his own. And young Ari had a tendency to wander. He lacked the patience of her first born, Rainer. Or the honor of her second born Emery. She would even dare say the discipline of Theodric if he hadn’t always been off with the Reiss boy. But Ari was all curiosity.
Alone he had found his secret path a few years ago while exploring the wall-walk, the battlements and the parapets along the southern wall. This section faced a steep cliff side which provided the perfect defense for Stonewood Deep, but also the right amount of cover needed for his little missions. There the vines grew thick along the interior side of the moat and the dense foliage was strong enough to hold his weight. Missing and crumbling stones due to poor maintenance made the perfect footholds for his small boots.
From there it was a slippery balancing act across the frozen moat to the other muddy bank. He would then press his body to the moat side of the concentric outer walls, ever careful not to slip back down. The first time Theo accompanied his brother outside the walls he slipped right in to the frigid summer waters. It was slow going to the postern gate, where he knew the guards never locked the irons during the day. No one ever saw them slip through and then they would be out, running away from the grounds of Stonewood Deep, past the southern gate house, through the cold grasses of the valley they called home. Past the market square of Heldheim and beyond into the dense stone wood grove. Through the trees to the logging camps where Fat Annie always had fresh baked bread and barley soup that had no taste except hot.
They played this game, the three of them. Theo pretended he was not Lord Forst’s son, Annie pretended they were just little beggar boys looking for food, and Ari pretended he was really on his own. Occasionally one of the woodsmen would make a comment about the Little Lord’s identity. Everyone in the deep valleys of the northern Titans knew what young Theodric Forst looked like, brownish red hair, blue eyes, and a big smile. But Fat Annie always shushed them away. “He’s just a litt’e beggar boy tryin’ to get me scraps!” she spat from those big rosy cheeks. “An’ this ones been stealin’ me bread all day. What I ought t’do is feed ‘em to the rats. Fatten ‘em up. I could make you boys into rat stew!” She swung her body about the mess tent of the camp, her large bosom heaving with every word.
Ari giggled uncontrollably and Theo watched her with a horrified expression the first time she pinched his spindly arms. He knew she knew who he was, sure. But she still seemed almost psychotic. What she gave Ari, more than anything, was the sense of freedom he longed for, when he was one of the little beggar boys. After playing with Fat Annie, Theo and Ari ran back along the forest road straight to Heldheim, the village just outside Stonewood Deep, with no extra stops because the sun was setting fast. They didn’t have much time before their absence would be noted. As their feet pounded the rocky path, Ari spotted something in the distance and called out to Theo. It was something strange. Both boys slowed to a stop before approaching with caution. There in a nasty little heap of color, bright orange and pitch black, naked and bald and covered in some slimy substance, came a shrill shriek. Ari knelt down and investigated the sight before him. Two strange looking baby birds, probably only a few days old, with the mother nowhere to be found. Instinctively Theo looked for her. Ari scooped the birds up while Theo looked overhead. No nest could be seen, but the stone wood trees rose high above. They had certainly fallen out, after their mother had been killed or lost. It was more surprising that they’d survived the fall or the predators that stalked these woods.
Ari slipped the naked birds into his satchel and looked at Theo’s shocked face. “You can’t bring those back with us,” Forst protested. But Reiss shook his head and rebelled. “Sure I can,” he answered. Without another word he was running again and Theo had to follow.
They raced through Heldheim, through the cold grass fields, past the gate house and to the postern gate once more. They had almost made it into the castle grounds when they were caught climbing the vined wall. “Deenys,” Theo spat out with disgust. He was one of the younger guards, brand new actually, and Rainer hated him. He was young, ambitious and always trying to impress their lord father. Most of all, he was always talking up the girls Rainer fancied. Deenys alerted some other guard along the parapet who alerted another and then Maester Gerold who would certainly alert Lady Felice. That was the very last thing they wanted.
The boys ran faster now, Theo pulling ahead as their feet padded across cobbled stone toward the inner bailey. They crossed the yard to the Lord’s Tower. Up through the forehouse, Ari ascended the stairs two at a time pushing Theo in front of him, in order to protect the young one’s he’d found. No way Lady Felice would understand this. She never understood his fascination with life. She never quite understood anything he did, actually, and he and everyone knew why.
Once inside Ari’s chambers, Theo hurriedly barred the door so she would not see what they’d found.
“Boys,” the voice caught them off guard. Theo slipped as he spun around to find his mother sitting on a bench by the window. Ari was more on guard. “Where have you been?” she asked.
Theo heard the question but everything sounded as though he was underwater when his eyes landed on the windowsill just over her shoulder. Dead flies gathered in a heap between the heavy leaded glass pane and the outer screens. For a weeks time Ari had been watching the flies on the sill. He’d shown Theo some time ago that he could remove a piece of mortar from the frame of his window and after the small hole he’d dug, his fingers reached the outside. No one knew about the crack but for the two of them. Theo thought nothing of it until Ari showed him his latest development. He’d stolen a piece of raw venison from the kennels. He’d pushed it out through the small hole where he laid the meat onto the windowsill in his direct line of sight. He’d replaced the slender piece of mortar so nothing looked amiss. And for a week’s time he’d watched the flesh as it rotted, the flies came, then the maggots and more flies and finally the pile of them dead from the early spring frosts so cold they never had a chance to survive.
If his lady mother saw this she would surely be cross with Ari. Theo acted quickly. “We were in the library, mother,” he insisted.
Lady Felice pressed her lips together tightly and looked at Theo squarely. She saw through his lie, obviously, and he knew this. “How many times must I tell you that your place is inside these walls? Both of you. You mustn’t leave the castle grounds unattended. Why do you disobey me child?” By the end she seemed to be speaking to Ari mostly, which left Theo confused. Why was it more important that he stay within the castle grounds?
Ari’s mouth opened to respond but the only noise to ring out was the shrill shriek coming from his pack. Lady Felice’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “What have you?”
His face flushed. He had been caught. Not just running outside the castle walls but now with something in his bag which she very probably would forbid him. Theo went to speak for Ari once more, when the ward responded indignantly, “I have nothing.”
She was instantly to her feet with those words, hands on her hips. Her face was cross and stern. “Child, your tongue spits lies with little hesitation. By the Gods, there is a lack of discipline in you. Why must you be so disrespectful?” Lying came naturally to young Ari. Not to Theo. His face always gave away the truth, but Ari could spin a tale with such detail it just had to be true.
But something was different this time. Theo wasn’t sure, but he thought he could see guilt on Ari’s features. He watched as he relinquished the bag to her, and even considered calling out to Ari to stop. She was the enemy here! But Ari seemed almost sad about it, as though he’d let her down. As his arms relaxed, so did her features.
Theo’s mother reached forward for the bag and looked inside to see the source of the noise. “Arion!” she gasped. “What on earth are you thinking? You cannot steal animals away from their mothers!”
“They have no mother!” he insisted, before following up with a muttered, “just like me.” No one spoke to those words. They rarely discussed Arion’s parents anymore, least of which his mother, or the way she died when she threw herself out of that tower. The beautiful Lady Mae, a tragic story of grief, the guards sometimes whispered.
Lady Felice reached forward and brushed her hands along the young Reiss’ face. Last of his name. “They will die up here with no one to care for them.”
“I will care for them!”
“Arion you do not know the first part of caring for a baby bird,” she countered. By now the lady was crouched in front of the boy in a not very ladylike position. Ari appeared a few steps ahead of her, his face now flushed red with some kind of emotion.
“Maester Gerold will help me. He has the rookery. The ravens. I can keep them in one of his cages here in my room and when they’re big we can train them. They will be mine. He can help me feed them and care for them and they will grow and be with me forever.”
“Son,” she began with a frown on her features, still close, still comforting the boy. “Even if you raise these birds as your own, even if they somehow survive, you must know they will leave you some day.” Something in her features was just as sad and longing as his. “All children leave their mothers and fathers.”
But he protested. “I can raise them. They will survive. I will bring them part of my meals.”
“These are birds, Ari. They will not be eating potatoes and roasts!” she insisted, a smile now on her face. “Birds eat worms and bugs and nasty things. Their mothers chew it all up and spit it into their mouths because their beaks aren’t strong enough. Will you do that?”
“Yes!”
“Oh you will?” she asked, that laugh coming from her lips. Theodric finally made a noise as well, laughing from behind his mother. She glanced back at him. “And I suppose you would like to keep one as well?” she questioned.
“No!” he answered with a bluntness that could only convey honesty. Again Lady Felice laughed at her sons.
Then after a quiet moment of both boys staring at her, waiting for her judgment, she appeared to have a change of heart. Finally a small sigh escaped her lips as she stood. “They cannot just stay in your pack. Your room up here is so drafty. Call for the servants to start a fire early tonight. Keep it burning through the day even if you aren’t in here. If these young ones are to survive you will need to keep them warm. And they will need a proper place to nest.” She looked around the room until her face seemed to have an ‘ah-ha’. “Theo, fetch me the wash basin and cloth,” she instructed her son.
Ari stood awkwardly, looking down at the screeching birds in his pack. Theodric gathered up the wooden bowl from the table by Arion’s bed and the cloth. His mother was on the other side of the room reaching into the tinderbox next to his hearth. She withdrew a handful of sticks and woodchips and soft fleece from their goats. “Here we are. We will call for a new wash basin. Use this to make the nest. Like so,” she said. The boys watched as she placed the tinder in the bowl before covering it with the cloth. It seemed as though she’d done this before. Finally she hollowed out a spot right in the middle.
“Come, Ari,” Felice said as she helped Theodric place the bowl on his table in the center of the room. Arion approached and did just as his mother said. At first he hesitated then pulled the first of the two birds out. He placed one, then the other into the bowl and looked up at his adoptive mother. “Strange looking little creatures,” she commented. “Not a sparrow obviously.”
The babies appeared as though they would grow much larger than a small sparrow or the ravens in the rookery. “They’re hawks,” Theo insisted. “Or falcons.” Both boys watched as Lady Felice held out her hand, one of the birds inching his little head toward it to latch onto her flesh with his pitch black hooked beak. She withdrew before he had the chance. “Well I will send a servant up to start your fire. You can keep these birds Arion, as long as you get one of the cages from Gerold. We don’t need any of the cats getting a hold of them. But first, my sweet boys, will you both promise me something?” she asked.
Theodric was already looking at his lady mother, while Ari took a moment to tear his gaze away from his babies. She conveyed a sort of pleading honesty in her eyes. “Yes?” Theo asked.
“Promise me you won’t go on any adventures outside this castle alone any more. Your Lord Father worries about you so much,” she said sternly. Something else betrayed her features. “Ari, I worry about you so much.”
“If I don’t go outside the castle walls unattended I can keep them?”
“Yes.”
It didn’t take much thought to answer her. “Yes I promise you. No leaving the castle alone!”
“Very well,” she answered. “I will see you both for supper quite soon. Get changed of these clothes and do not be late.”
“Yes mother,” Theo answered. He helped his mother unbar the door to get out. Once she left the room he turned back to Arion who seemed to be drawn into his birds with an expression he hadn’t ever really seen before. After watching him for a moment, Theo left for his own chambers.