#wowairlines

It’s cheap getting to Iceland, but it’s by no means cheap staying there. I stayed at an Airbnb flat about 40 minutes outside of Keflavik airport, where the hot water smelled like rotting eggs (which we realized was not an uncommon occurrence there). My rental car was an Opel Corsa, and despite it being a low-quality compact car, cost 75 dollars to fill (which I had to do twice in 3.5 days). Stumbling through directions written in Icelandic, I used my debit card at the gas station and ended up with over $400 in temporary authorizations hanging out in my account. Later, a Twitter friend informed me that I should have used a credit card at the station instead.

I arrived on a Friday morning and had a day by myself before my friend Ayanna got there on her more comfortable and expensive Delta flight (with a free drink, in-flight movie and blanket -- but also with an annoying three-hour layover in New York). I booked a Golden Circle tour, which took me to the famous geysers and the Gullfoss waterfalls. I witnessed one of the world’s most active geysers, Strokkur, erupt twice within a few minutes, which was truly extraordinary and unlike anything I’d seen before. The advice from my tour guide: “Don’t look away, it’ll erupt as soon as you do.” People camp out around the outer borders of the geyser area with cameras ready to capture the explosion, sometimes waiting 10 or 20 minutes to see it. The Gullfoss waterfalls were breathtaking, but not even the most amazing waterfall I visited. The great outdoors in Iceland is so visually varied. It’s like four or five of the distant planets from Interstellar. Glaciers, lakes, waterfalls, black sand beaches, volcanoes and peculiar rock formations all join up to create a terrain that is at once wondrous and intimidating.

On Saturday, Ayanna and I went to the Seljalandsfoss waterfalls, which was recommended by my friend Marianna, who’d just left Iceland the day prior to my arrival. Her text: “You NEED to check out this waterfall in Seljalandsfoss. I won’t say anymore, and let you discover the magic yourself!” When we pulled up blasting Cardi B, we immediately saw the astounding height and ferocity of the first waterfall. As we walked along the path to the other waterfalls, we saw what Marianna was talking about. There was a hidden waterfall, which you could climb up towards with the assistance of an anchored chain to help you lift yourself atop the potentially icy rocks. After snagging this view from above, you are then able to walk down and over stepping stones through shallow water, to stand at the bottom of the waterfall, semi-enclosed in the cave-like structure. If you’ve never felt insignificant in the world and would like to, I highly recommend this Icelandic adventure.

From Seljalandsfoss, we headed 45 minutes away to the city of Vík, home of fabled black sand beaches. At Reynisfjara Beach, I felt like a martian. This was the first beautiful beach I’d ever been to where I didn’t want to run straight into the water. There were definitely no beach towels or bikinis in sight. Posted signs actually warn visitors about sneaker waves, or disproportionately large coastal waves that accompany smaller ones, without warning and with sometimes deadly consequences. A handful of tourists have died at this beach after being carried away by a wave that crept up on them. The rock formations at this beach are basalt sea stacks, which look like a bunch of concrete steak fries, arranged with wild yet careful abandon. The rocks on the black sand are perfectly round and smooth, or jet black and shiny. They reminded me of what masseuses use for hot stone therapy, and I took a few with me.

The next day, we headed out to the Blue Lagoon, certainly the biggest tourist attraction in Iceland. There are many options for natural hot springs, but this one is huge, beautiful, and worth every penny of our $99 “Comfort” level admission. Walking from the parking lot to the entrance of the spa compound was the coldest three minutes of my life. Once we entered, we received our towels and magnetic wristbands, which allowed us to purchase drinks at the lagoon bar (and provided a first free drink). From inside, we waded into the water, which was a surreal light blue and sporting the slight sexy scent of sulphur, and made our way outside through a half-submerged exit door. The average temperature of the water was about 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and felt amazing on my body as my ears and hands froze. If you are coming to the lagoon, bring your own waterproof case (the bag kind, which you can get on Amazon for super cheap), because you will need one and won’t want to pay 2,900 Kronas ($29 USD) there. Although I had a Lifeproof case, I was still hesitant to dip my new iPhone X all the way in, hence my numb and frozen hands. The bar at the lagoon is pretty good, with selections of wine, beer, slushies, and fruit and veggie juice smoothies. I had two Proseccos, a strawberry sparkling wine and two green juices. Because I didn’t eat that morning and I suffer from AFR like many of my far east brethren and sistren, I was a goner by 1 PM. If you know me, you already know how that story ends. If you don’t know me, I’ll spare you the vomitrocious details.

That night at 9 PM, we were scheduled for a 5-hour Northern Lights tour, but I was dead. Ayanna went solo and was able to use long exposure on her professional camera to capture the itty-bittiest bit of green and pink swirling in the night sky, which she said was pitch black to her naked eye.

We left on Monday. Had I stayed a minute longer, I may have had to file for bankruptcy upon my return. Just kidding, but this is the only island I’ve ever been to without the utter cheapness of everything making you feel like foreign royalty. It makes sense, after talking to some friends, because Iceland has to import everything. Most likely, none of the ingredients on my $27 chicken kabob platter originated in Iceland.