#wouldnever

     She’s in a softened daze, partially here -- and partially far away...trying to gather the ghosts of her psyche. Bright irises land on doorknob to the facility, lithe fingertips reaching out but -- she can’t do it... can’t bring herself to go inside. Not yet.

          𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ,  𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.    it’s still hard to believe she’ll be putting her husband in the ground today ,  the man who made her happy  && the man who made her seeings of the bent-neck lady go away almost all together.   (  it’s not even her nell is worrying about seeing anymore.  it’s about what she’ll do without her beloved arthur , how she’ll sleep or how she’ll go on now that the person she had years with it no longer here.   ‘here , but not 𝖌𝖔𝖓𝖊 ’  nell tries to tell herself.   )      mind was lost in a ocean of endless thoughts from where she sits  nearest arthur’s casket ,  eyes more or less fixated on the dull green of shirley’s funeral home.   fingers play with the wedding ring on her finger ,  mind occupied somewhere that wasn’t here until━      ❝  . . all cooped up will only make it worse.  ❞    nell recognizes that voice as steve’s.    tired eyes , saddened eyes , travel upward until she finds home on her brothers features.   head nods weakly as nell stands , but only momentarily does she look forward before turning back to arthur.    kiss his placed on departed’s forehead , opposite hand on his cheek---she can’t leave his side without promising to be right back.    (  it’s not rational , but it makes nell   𝙵𝙴𝙴𝙻 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁   )      ❝  a walk , yeah . .  ❞     feet follow steve outside && away from fixated , prying eyes.    once outside , nell takes a single deep breath as air rushes against her face && suddenly she just begins to cry━the first wave of tears that’ve come from her the entire day.   hands cover her face , sobs hit aching chest as nell all but runs into steve’s arms . . cheek pressed closed to his chest as hands hold tight !    she needed her big brother.

theoretically , she will keep poking at it like a bruise, feeling all of the pain until it becomes bearable. patty feels like she’s taken a piece and left a piece of herself with any kind of breakup, honestly.

“    this   shit   fucking   sucks  ,    ”       ellie   grumbles   as   she   struggles   through   the   snow   to   join   steve  ,    but   there’s   not   much   heat   behind   it.      hours   of   patrol   in   this   weather   sucks  ,    yeah  ,    but   at   least   they   haven’t   lost   anyone  ,    though   they   have   been   forced   to   split   up   thanks   to   straggling   infected.       “    you   hear   anything   back   from   the   others   yet?    ”

She’s not surprised to see him there. Flyers had been posted all over the place advertising his appearance. You’d think that the appearance was for Stephen King, not Steven Crain. For Emma, it was different. She knew Steven a little better than most. He was her former lover, ex-best friend and the father of her son. But he doesn’t know about the latter. She intended to keep it that way but she couldn’t resist seeing him just one more time. Listening to him talking about his book, his family, was shocking. He’d never really spoken to her about any of his family and she didn’t pry. She stayed until the end, thinking she had kept herself well hidden the whole time. After purchasing a copy of his book, she left the store with a heavy heart.