#worry time

EXCLUSIVE: UK indie feature Worry Time, written by and starring Emma Paetz (Pennyworth) and produced by and co-starring Ben Aldridge (Fleabag) has wrapped shoot in London. (Via Deadline)

Aldridge commented: “I have been wanting to produce for some time and I already knew how talented an actor Emma was from working alongside her on HBOMax’s Pennyworth for three seasons! Worry Time is such a clever and subversive script. Emma’s writing is totally unique; cynical yet tender, embarrassingly tragic and yet shockingly funny, razor sharp, twisted, awkward as hell and just very, very weird. Amidst all that, she manages to land poignant conversations around subjects we’re all still struggling to navigate and articulate, while simultaneously entertaining us, provoking us and creeping us out. It’s one of the best things I’ve read, and I not only jumped to be in it but felt passionately about joining the team to be a part of producing it.”

me:

So. 

Everyday i am going to try and give myself some time to just actually worry about things and overthink everything. We are still in that time slot! 

I worry about my relationship all the time which is so draining. I don’t know how to cope with it or without feeling so guilty. My boyfriend is perfectly happy with me. He tells me everyday and it is so nice to be reassured but I still feel like i’m doing something wrong. I make everything worse I think. I ended the relationship in September because my doubts morphed into these horrible intrusive thoughts and I just couldn’t bare it anymore. Overthinking is my forte. All I want for myself is to be happy. I just want to be happy without anything in the back of my mind, questioning my happiness. I feel like I’m constantly reassuring myself that I am happy and that I know i’m happy but I feel like i do it so often it’s becoming a lie. Please, if anyone is reading this and has experienced the same thing, it would be nice to know how you got through it or dealt with it. 

I have been going to therapy for awhile and I am going to post small things, every once in awhile, that might be useful to someone.

Today we talked about "worry time" and what to do with it. If you have, or feel that you have overwhelming worry, like I do, you schedule a time to worry, ever day. During thst time, you write down what is worring you. (Try to be specific). Use the chart above.

First the worry, then what you could do to deal with it, and finally, how you can let it go.

For example: I am worried about what next year's education plan will look like for my child (He is 19 and has special needs. He could stay at high school for 2 more years or go to Job Development Program)

So that is the worry, The "What can I do about it?" Is visit the JDP, in April, at their open house, and see if we like it.

The "How can I move on?" i I don't have to think about it until April, and remind myself of that, when the thought comes up. I could also pray for God's help in making the right choice clear for us, if you are one who prays.

You can use this for anything.

My house is a mess/ set the timmer for 15 min, and clean/ do it again tomorrow.

It’s been a while. I got new Medds and that helped so I wasn’t doing this so much. Plus my wisdom teeth were removed and that’s taken a lot of my energy.

At this point this blog may be a way to document my dad’s behaviour. I think he is dangerous. I am scared to be around him.

Yesterday, he and I had a conversation where I just tried to explain how he has hurt me. How his behaviour, no matter what mental illness or what disorders he has, is inexcusable and cruel. He just had excuses and deflected all blame onto others. Since then he has become more volatile.

He keeps taking food/drinks from mom. He does pay for these groceries. I’m specifically talking about snacks and sodas. Things he does not need. Anyways, the issue there is he was asked to either help pay for these groceries or get his own. He instead waits until mom is asleep and takes food. He tapes up the Fresca cases to make it look like he didn’t take any. This is the most tame stuff. He was blasting music and whistling to annoy mom bc he thinks this is unfair.

He continues to yell and call names. Today he was saying something to G, thanking him for a conversation they had earlier (idk what that conversation was. It’s mentioned that it may be about when and where to talk to him). G kinda shit down the conversation that dad was trying to have. Just being like ‘I don’t want to talk right now’, not irregular for him. Then dad was in the kitchen. It seemed like he was continuing the conversation but only to himself. Made some comments like “sorry I was interrupting you. I know you have so much on your plate” it was sarcastic in tone and with context (we were about to watch a show). He went like that for a bit then called g a dickhead and practically punched the light switch to turn off the kitchen light.

Later K was upstairs getting the pringles picked up for them. They asked if we had taken any bc they were for them specifically. G said he had bc mom said it was fine. I told K I hadn’t and asked how much was gone. They said about half the can. I asked G if he had taken half the can, he said no. So I said it was probably dad. Mom could’ve but she knew k had missed them last time and had been snacking on popcorn and candy, so it seemed unlikely. K goes back to their room downstairs, where dad is. I think k must’ve asked dad if he took any and dad lost it. I could hear him yelling. I couldn’t hear k unless I was at the basement door, even then I’m unsure if it was k speaking. But dad was yelling so much, cursing and all that, g and I decided to head upstairs early. We usually stay until midnight, or at least a few episodes of house md but we didn’t even finish one.