#workingforwellness

I know it’s been a while.  I feel like this has been an outlet for me, a voice to my journey that has been long and stressful and now I am coming to the end of that journey because I am getting better and better.  I still intend to blog but I have to decide what tone to give that blog; and whether to continue here on Tumblr or to find another outlet for it.  We’ll see.  I hope I’ve helped or encouraged someone somewhere with my sharing of my life; I hope I’ve helped make someone search a little more for help or feel a little less alone in their struggles.

Today I want to ask you a question which I already have there in the title. That is: What lengths would you go to to gain, regain, maintain your health? Would you give up your favorite food? a pet? you entire lifestyle? What extent would to stop and say “I’m willing to stay sick to stick with what I’ve got”?  I can honestly say I can’t say what I’d do in all those situations but I have gone to great lengths to regain a great deal of health.  I’ve given up many foods, spent a lot of money (in my world anyway) on health care providers, and, most recently, given up taking showers, to regain and then maintain my health.  It isn’t easy to give these things up but there is this thing inside of me that won’t let myself accept the less than a life I was living when in the depth of the illness.  When anything begins to cause me to slide back I do what I can to stop the regression.

This is why I stopped taking showers (hopefully as temporarily as possible).  I had been noticing in the past month that my hair had been seeming different, a lot dryer and I started getting split ends, when I hadn’t had any previously (in all honestly I have had split ends before, just not since I started eating super healthy).  Then the last time I took a shower my face stung all day long; there must be a big ol’ bunch of chlorine in the water to make it hurt that bad for that long.  With my system being so sensitive I realized it wouldn’t be a good idea to subject it to that kind of chemical bombardment all the time so decided I would forgo showers and do basin washing instead.  This is not an easy task.  I use filtered water from our on the counter system, but that in itself takes some work so I also buy jugs of purified water from the store.  The leaning over kills my back, especially when washing my hair but I am willing to put up with it because I know I don’t want to pay the consequences of allowing those chemicals into a system that can’t process them well.  I have people roll their eyes at my seemingly crazy ideas, but thankfully that doesn’t bother me.  I know I am doing what is best for this body of mine that tends toward the fragile side.  I also know that working on keeping it healthy makes me a better person which allows me to focus on things other than just surviving.

So let’s get back to the question, really I have even deeper questions for you. Are you satisfied with your health the way it is? Do you feel you’ve found answers to your questions why rather than getting a “band-aid” on your symptoms? How far ARE you willing to go to truly find the cause and find healing rather than temporary fixes?  Ask yourself these questions, go from there

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted here; I always intended to keep this updated no matter what but as I’m sure you know, life gets in the way.  Some of the time off I’ve been busy, some of it I’ve been sick, and putting them together has made the hiatus longer than I hoped it would be.

On the bright side I’m so much better than when I started this blog! So much better :)  If you read back you’ll see that my beginnings with the doctor I’m seeing were rough.  They are a bit unorganized and there have been some times when I had to be very adamant, but somehow inherently I knew this place was my place of healing.  In some ways it has been the same story where I had to insist (when it came to getting an ultrasound of my thyroid) on things; but from the beginning I told the doctor I needed him to listen and believe me and, though he may have been hesitant, he has followed through for me when I argued with him.  In the past this hasn’t been the case which is why I’ve gone to several different doctors over the years. Plus this office has so many diagnostic and treatment options that I just knew we were going to be able to find some answers.

Since starting at this place a little over a year ago (I can’t believe it’s been that long) I’ve regained strength, energy, and brain function. Most days I can get up and get through the day without wondering how I’m going to make it til the end of the day.  I’m so very thankful for that. I’ve gone from having a rare good day to having a bad day now and then. I’ll take it for now but know that there is more healing and better health to be had.

I wanted to post before and after pics but I’m sick right now so don’t think it would be the best comparison; maybe when I get better I’ll be able to post something that’ll show tangible evidence I’m doing better; right now most of it is internal :)

If there’s anything I hope for by writing these posts it’s for you to remember to never stop looking for answers until something makes sense; never stop looking for healing until you find something that works.  Never accept “that’s just the way it is” as an answer; never stay with a doctor who isn’t willing to do for you whatever he/she can to get you well. If my journey can help you on yours then it will have been worth it to go through it all.

Started seeing the doctor again after a little over a month break; what with moving and Christmas I just couldn’t add driving over an hour away to appointments, it was too much.  So I took some time off.  What I realized is that I am doing so much better!  Since I started this treatment I haven’t had a single day when I couldn’t do anything at all. I’ve had a few when I had to talk myself into doing something, but I was able to do so.  I’ve pushed myself to physical limits I didn’t have before and, while tired for a few days after, not so tired I couldn’t push myself some more (as was necessary because of moving).  As I mentioned to my doctor, I have a few hours in the morning when I can do almost anything I want! This is exciting news!!  I’m usually out of energy by lunch, but I’ll take whatever I can get.  I’m no longer spending days and days lying on the couch wishing I could do any little thing.  I love the progress I am making, I am thankful for the energy increase and look forward to further progress as we continue treatments.

I also discussed with the doctor that I could feel when I wash my neck that the nodules are getting smaller.  He said he agreed, that he could tell they were smaller and softer (he does some massage type therapy as one part of the treatment).  This tangible acknowledgement added to the increased energy gives me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I could just be thankful for how far I’ve come and leave it at that but why settle for half way?  I didn’t accept that my life had to be a drudgery as it was before I started treatment, why settle for only part way better?  I will know when to accept that I am as well and I can get and this isn’t it. I AM thankful for the progress I’ve made, but I know that there is more to be made and I’ll push until I get there....and I’m so very much looking forward to it!!

At this last visit (my first one back after the break) the attendant was so very kind to offer to take a picture for me.  I’ve been wanting to get this record of the treatment to show you because I don’t think I did a very good job describing it.  This is part 3 of the treatment, after the Dr does his part, and then I lay there with the discs on my neck for the galvanic treatment...this third part is called “high volt”, the red part of the wand is where the electricity is running through the tube and giving the treatment.  I use lotion to help with “glide” and rub the wand along my thyroid, 5 minutes each side.

I’m usually pretty wiped out after treatment and still don’t sleep well the night after I go so there is still progress to be made (the more I do the worse I sleep) but again I am so very thankful to have found this place and this treatment system and to finally, after such a long time, be on the mend!!!

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve checked in, the reason being that we somehow decided to move during the Christmas season, so all I really had time for was moving and trying to do something for Christmas.  I only actually got gifts for immediate family, and that was mostly one big shopping spree rather than the find things here and there over several months that I usually do....moving is a very big deal!!!  We moved from the first house we ever owned so selling then buying a house was a new experience for us.

First you have to do a bunch of improvements on your house (if you haven’t done them over the years like smart people do); that is a drain on time, energy and money.  You also have to empty your house out as much as possible to make it look bigger and more spacious.  Thankfully we have relatives who own a mini-storage so that has been a huge blessing.  Once you’ve sold your house you only have a certain amount of time to stay there so if you don’t already have a new house picked out (which we didn’t) you feel rushed to find a new place to stay.  Thankfully we were able to “rent back” our place for a short time period, but we didn’t want to do it for too long because it was such an odd sensation not owning the house we’d lived in/owned for 14 years.

Next (once you’ve purchased your new house, or rented it or whatever you’re going to do, I won’t get into all that goes into that) you have to pack all your junk into boxes and other things to get it all out of the house, hopefully to your new dwelling.  This takes a lot of time and effort as well.  We ended up renting a U-Haul trailer 2 weekends.  Thankfully a couple people were willing to help us or I don’t know how we would have gotten everything moved in time.  We moved big stuff and most of our necessities the first weekend and started living in the new place right away.  The week between the 2 weekends I went to the “old” house every day and packed more.

The next step is to clean every nook and cranny of the old house (I skipped the cleaning of the new house before you move in because ours was empty before we moved in so it just needed some touch ups which my husband did).  This is a bittersweet chore because while you are cleaning it out you are, in essence, saying goodbye to this house; remembering the time when that wall got run into or marked on or the carpet was stained because of....It is hard not to let the tears get in the way of getting the job done.

Once you are finally in the new house (mostly anyway, with storage units still full of “stuff”) you might think you could relax, but when it is Christmas time there is no time for that!  We managed to get through it all, though and I’ve actually had a little bit of time to clean and organize the rooms we’ll be using the most.. I even did a little Christmas decorating!

That is the extent of my decorating LOL; I found it in the box that had the Christmas stockings in it and figured it was an easy thing to put up, so I did. 

The victory here is that I was able to do more than I expected and, while it did prove that I’m still not completely well (the more I did the worse I slept, AND I GAINED weight even though I got quite a number of workouts over the weeks of packing, moving and cleaning) it did NOT take as long to recover as I thought it might (less than a week). 

Well, guess I’m all caught up now, I’ve not had any treatments this month because moving and Christmas was enough for me to think about without adding that in.  I start back again in January and will be sure to update my progress.

I feel like I am starting to live a real life now.  I’ve always been one to live in the present; not really focusing a lot on the future or the past, but during this time of illness I’ve only been able to focus on the very immediate present, like, how am I going to make it through this day, this hour, this minute. I don’t have to do that anymore, the main focus of my life is not survival anymore; it’s a very good feeling.

One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is that you can be a positive person but not a happy person.  This never really occurred to me because the two seem to go hand in hand but I’ve discovered they don’t.  I AM a positive person, always hopeful, looking on the bright side, seeing the positive in many situations; but I am not a happy person. Not because of any one thing, just having spent so long with such a heavy burden I lost my joy.  I’m working on getting it back, though.  The burden is lifting, I can function somewhat normally again, I can see a light at the end of this very long very dark tunnel that has held me captive, entangled, immobile for too much of my life. I remember not feeling the weight of the burden of the illness at the beginning, but time wears you down. I’ve been envious of stories of people who keep their joy in the midst of times of burdens, I was unable to do that; it’s something I’ll have to come to terms with and move on from.  Life is an ever evolving lesson to learn.

So from here on out I will be more joyful because that is what I want from life; Love God, my family, my friends, Learn from my experiences, mistakes, and others, and Live in peace, laughter and happiness.

Well, I don’t really have any updates for today, so I wanted to talk a little about this thyroid thing.  What I’ve found out is that it is very common, and the older you are the more common it is.  If you are 30, you have a 30% chance of having thyroid issues, if you are 40 you have a 40% chance of having issues and on up like that.  Women are more likely than men to have issues

Yesterday at the end of the day a few co-workers were chatting while we waited for the final client to finish up.  One mentioned that her hair was thinning and I automatically looked at her neck because I know that thinning hair can be a symptom of thyroid issues.  I’m no doctor, but I could see she had swelling around the thyroid area; which is called a goiter.  Of the 4 of us standing there 3 (including me) had that swelling. 

So I encourage you to check you neck, I’ve posted some pictures here to give you a little bit of an idea of what they look like; borrowed these from the internet.

The swelling at the bottom of the neck is indeed swelling, not fat.  Each of these women have a goiter.  Sometimes it is very obvious (in thinner women); looking like a ring of fat around the bottom of their neck (again it isn’t actually fat, it is swelling).  So I encourage you to check your neck; or ask your Dr to do so.  Remember my blood work came back normal for almost 10 years.  I had one doctor tell me he felt a node, and another point out I had a goiter (I can’t actually tell I have one). It wasn’t until I got an ultrasound that they found very large nodes/cysts on my thyroid.  The moral being that if you don’t feel your normal self, don’t let the doctor stop at blood tests that may come back normal; continue to search for answers until you find one that truly makes sense for you.

That’s all I have to say today; hope you are standing up for yourself to gain or regain your health! And don’t forget to check you neck!!

I am definitely noticing a positive difference.  I can honestly, truly, thankfully say I am feeling better :) This is huge for me!!!

I had my second treatment this week, it was pretty much the same as previously but we added 5 minutes to the time I had the pads on my neck....the ones that make it turn red; last week was 15 minutes, the goal is 30.  The Dr is using caution because my body is so sensitive; I am thankful he is taking that into consideration.

We are in the process of getting our house ready to sell, so any time I have available I work on packing, storing, cleaning tidying etc.; all the many things involved in making a house a little more enticing to potential buyers.  Doing these things takes a lot of energy.  I still have to be careful how much I do but have noticed that I can do more without repercussions.  And when I do too much I’m not quite as overly tired as I have been previously, my recovery time has decreased as well.  This is one of the biggest problems I’ve had over the years. I’m also sleeping better...well when the kitty babies don’t keep me up half the night.  All things that I’ve been hoping for for a very long time seem to be finally coming true.  The last gauge of wellness for me is my weight.  I’ve gained a fair amount and not been able to lose most of it no matter what I do (I honestly LOVE to work out).  So as I’m able to do more and more, sleep more and more and finally, lose weight, I’ll be able to say I am better or maybe one day say that I am well!!!

One other small thing is that when I woke up this morning one of my first thoughts was “I can swallow easier”.  This has to be more intuitive than anything because I never really felt like I had difficulty swallowing. I’m sure these nodes grew gradually so I wouldn’t notice any changes, but if you think about having these huge (for the area they’re in) nodes they have to have been blocking or pushing us against other things and it seems like what we are doing is working, that they are shrinking.  I keep swallowing to see if I still feel that way I and I really do! I feel like I have all kinds of room to swallow LOL! Who would have thought that was a thing. It isn’t something I expected, it isn’t like I thought, “once those nodes shrink I’ll be able to swallow easier”, it never even entered my mind so this makes me feel like they really are getting smaller with the treatments.  I am very thankful for that. 

My hope is eventually to be posting on this page my adventures, and also get back to comparison pictures to log my progress.  Then this blog will have an entirely different focus; what that is I’m not sure quite yet!

I remember the first time I realized I was really sick; funny how it took someone else to point it out to me.  I had been borrowing movies from a co-worker.  She would bring these boxes of VHS movies to work that she had gotten a variety of places and I would choose some and bring them all back when I had finished watching them.  One time she commented on how much quicker I had returned them and it got me to thinking about how all I wanted to do when I got home was lay in bed and do nothing.  I don’t think that was even at the worse of it, because I remember a point when it felt like it would take too much energy to flip the calendar pages to the next month.

When you don’t have the energy to do anything other than what absolutely has to be done you lose friends. People don’t understand that your becoming more and more of a hermit is because of lack of energy; they take it personally when you say you can’t go somewhere or do something.  They have their lives as well, and go on with those lives without you because they don’t have the time/energy to cater to your illness; even if they don’t understand that is what is happening.  Really if you don’t understand it how can they? I know for me, it took a very long time to understand what was going on; because this particular illness also messed with my mind and my memory. It isn’t only friends you lose; but family members distance themselves as well, again because they don’t understand the illness, how it works, how if affects you.  I literally almost lost my husband over it because he figured I wasn’t interested in him any more. (Thankfully we were able to work it out and are now closer than ever.)

Another part of the loneliness is feeling like no one in the world can understand you. You explain over and over how you feel but you “look normal” so it is written off as something minor and inconsequential. If you haven’t been there you just don’t understand what it is like.  If you do get yourself to do something because you feel it is important enough not to care about the consequences later, those around you use it as proof against you that you really are fine.  I met a woman once (ONCE, and this is recently) who seemed to truly understand what I was talking about; I cried as I was talking to her because it was such a relief to talk to someone who seemed to really know what I meant when I try to explain what this hell has been for me.

As I come back into life I feel like I have to start way back at the beginning again which is hard to do as an adult.  Friendships take time and you can’t go back because people expect you to be the same person they knew before and I don’t think I’m the same at all.  In the depth of the illness I didn’t really notice because it was all I could do to just get through the day, so I come out on the other side, thankful for being able to think straight again and still feel such loss; loss of a decade of life, of friendships, of family of so many things.

If you see yourself here, either in my story or someone else’s, I don’t blame you, I am just explaining my point of view. I’ve forgiven anyone who “dropped” me because I do understand. But I encourage those of you who recognize someone in their life in this story to re-connect with them or not let the connection go.  Help them, take the time and energy to be the friend they need; even if that means just sitting with them for 10 minutes (because that’s all the energy they’ll have for you) or go clean their house, walk their dogs, anything to lift the burden they are under due to an illness they can’t help having.

I hope it is understood I am not complaining, I’m explaining.  The more I can help people understand the better for those like me who need help, need healing.

As always thanks for listening, until I check in again