Of office blues and wanderlust
The constant ‘clack clack clack’ sound of my co-workers typing away furiously at their keyboards can be heard from the miserable space I am trapped in, better known as the office cubicle. I slowly came to realize that it is a sound that I dread to hear every day.
Then there is the occasional sound of the phone ringing, and I hear people talking - but I have learned to tune that out and mind my own business…
And there’s that awkward pin drop silence while everyone is focusing on their own work, which occurs at least five times throughout the day…
And I start feeling restless. I feel the urge to talk to someone. Anyone…
That’s when I start battling the inner voice inside my head which constantly asks me the same old questions like “Is this the rest of your life? Is this what you studied so hard for? Are you happy?”
"Am I?" I wonder to myself.
There is so much to see in this world, so much to explore… yet I am confined to my desk, on a certain floor of a certain building in a certain city which I have spent most of my life in, straining my eyes and trying to focus my attention on the Microsoft Word document that I have open on the huge LCD computer screen. I cannot even see the sky from where I am seated.
With an average of 10 hours of being in a small office of less than 15 people every Monday to Friday (and another average of 3 hours getting stuck in traffic a day), I am doubtful that I will ever find happiness there, what more a love interest. (ha.) (Also, I certainly do not want to be reviewing and drafting documents for the rest of my life.)
I tried to reason with the voice in my head: I could be having it worse. I could be unemployed and struggling to make ends meet. Besides, it is a nice office, so I can at least take comfort in that.
But the voice in my head is stubborn. What about the happy people? Don’t you want to be like them? Don’t you want to pursue to your passions?
And that suddenly seems like a faraway dream.
What I enjoy may not necessarily be what I am good at, and it certainly won’t make me rich. But do I want to be rich? Will I be happier doing something else which is just enough for me to get by daily?
I thought back to the last time I tried to do make a drastic change - I clearly didn’t plan it through and ended up in this never-ending circle of doom again - so whose fault it is to blame if not for myself?
But no matter what, I will promise myself one thing.
This will only be temporary. And I will find my happiness - whatever that is.
