#working while black

I started working in retail when I was in high school then continued to work for bigger name brands after I graduated. Then I got into working for smaller local businesses because I thought they would treat me better…. Whew I was so wrong.

As a Black Women… the disrespect I received from “Big Businesses” was one thing but from the Small Local Business…. I was astounded at how they treated employees of color.

The gaslighting

The bullying

The manipulation

The favoritism

Was sickening….

These businesses preached inclusivity but would turn around and treat customers and their employees of color like absolute Garbage

At a makeup small business they would lie to POC that they had their shade and had them walking around looking ashy

In this same Small Business that supposedly treated us all like “Family” did not stand up for us when a white customer would consistently come into the shop and make us feel uncomfortable by asking us what kind of sex position we like and that “Black Women have a funny smell” we went to the owners and told them of what he had been saying to us and they said we don’t want to tell him to stop because he’ll put a bad name out on the business.

The second small local business that I worked for was owned by a black woman who was heavily in the church, she began pushing her ways onto us workers even though a lot of us were open that we left the church. She seemed in the beginning that it was fine that we were all different but slowly began to come unhinged. She would gaslight us into thinking we were dumb as dirt, manipulate us during and outside of work hours, embarrass us in front of customers and other mall patrons, become prejudice against the people that would come inside her shop and believed everyone was trying to steal her business. Claimed that she was inclusive but was homophobic to the point saying she didn’t want our gay co-worker to smell or touch the products she made because “gay people carry diseases”

And she put this fear in us that she would Sue us if anyone defiled her name

And there were more stories of mistreatment that I could write a book about.

The big take away from me writing this is Black Woman especially be carful in the jobs, guard yourself because you’re the first they will want to tear down.

And believe in yourself when you feel something isn’t right.

I know a lot of us aren’t in positions where we can up and leave a job but please Be Careful, I’m still dealing with the trauma of these work environments years later because I didn’t listen to my gut.

“... as I was writing Black Buck—and especially afterwards—I did begin to understand that the book contained many satirical elements. Which I pushed back from at first. Because back then I thought “satire? Isn’t that just close to absurdity?” But as I understood that satire more through the lens of storytelling, I realized just how powerful it was. It is the intersection of tragedy and humor in order to tell and reveal truths about the world.”

They Stay Mad!

As I became more and more myself I think the freedom, peace and nonchalance that I exude, were less desirable to corporate America. I recall one job where I was freelancing, I spoke about my on/off lifestyle and how I loved the balance of working for a few months then taking time off to travel and do other things that interested me. I guess I inadvertently inspired my supervisor too much because she quit within a week of me starting the position.

At another job I was given the feedback that I was, 'being too visible'. Now I am not even sure what that means, especially since this comment was dispensed by a Black woman, whom you would assume as dark as she was, would have more carefully about the repercussions of basically telling another Black person to be invisible.

You will note I have used the term "supervisor", because someone else being my boss is a mentality that is far behind me, and mostly in any of the positions I am in I am not even really being supervised. I am so autonomous, I don't really need to be told what to do, I figure out what needs to be done and I proceed to accomplish that.

This same mentality might also be a deterrent to potential employers, I am not ever trying to hide who I am, and what I bring to the table. I am also not masking that as I get older, I get Blacker, queerer, and freer, adding non-binary and my elaborate sense of style to that mix probably isn't helping any. But I will not apologize for who I am, and the caliber of work I bring is clearly documented in the very impressive resume I have. What I wear, who I go to bed with, who I go to bed as, and the length of my hair have nothing to do with my ability to do a job. #fullstop

The fact is that working in corporate America while Black, part of the thing you need to navigate is white people's comfort. And that's not the kind of shit the career coach tells you. I also wasn't really told when I started out, that I should lean more into nepotism to get work than getting work plainly based on my merits and experience. This is something I can never truly resolve because its just not in my nature to ask folks about something that I have easily and readily done for myself in the past. I also don't like being beholden to folks in that way when I should be perfectly capable of acquiring a position based on my own qualifications. But that isn't the world we live in anymore.

The thing that is so hard for me to resolve is I recall a time on several occasions where I went in, interviewed for a position and started either the same day or very soon thereafter. And in quite a few of these same cases I later got offer letters from these companies, so clearly whatever I was laying down, someone was picking up.

This added to the confusion of the seven year drought that I had. I applied for hundreds of positions and interviewed for dozens and didn't land anything. My charm, poise and well articulated interviews hadn't really changed, but I think the world had. And a place I had worked for previously for nearly a year, got a offer letter, and had a friend refer me to, who was currently working there, I didn't get it. He was as confused as me. As the gunslinger says, the world has moved on. I need to decide if I want to even bother catching up with it.

Because a world where I am not judged on the contents of my character, but on something physical that I may or may not have control over is not really a world I want to participate in on any level. This kind of world is one that breaks spirits and prefers drones to unique voices and perspectives and frankly my dear, this is something I could do without.

I work for a local newspaper within their social media department. I'm the only black person on my team and seemingly the only black person within/working with the digital and journalism department (there are few other POC as journalists). I want to be a better writer or even work in layout and design, but I've been put in a very specific and lackluster social media position.

As the current job scene has removed journalists and designers from the company, they need a few more writers for short captions here and there. I was asked to make that effort, and at first, I hoped someone would help mentor and step up to show me how to be better, but no one does. Often I write something and it's completely rewritten without explanation. The ONLY TIME that doesn't happen is if it's a Black story or Black content. If I write a caption for Black History Month, it's left alone. If I write for a general news topic or an event, it's immediately rewritten. And, IDK I just feel like it's frustrating to only have a voice or even an opportunity when it comes to "Black" content, but get nothing any other time. Am I genuinely a horrible writer? Why is my work immaculate for Black content, but trash for everything else? Just fire me if I suck overall!

The first few weeks of working here, I was IMMEDIATELY asked to be put on the "diversity and inclusion" team but it took weeks to get into contact with others in the art department and to have a chance to listen in on the design and web dev team. Teams that would be integral to my growth in the digital and social media sphere.