#working at work

“Between everyone here, there is at least one fully functioning human being.”

“Look, I am crazy, but it is not the same level of crazy that sniffing bug spray is on.”

“Being stabbed by a thousand flags was not on my list of things to do today.”

“Sure, English is my first language, but can I speak it properly? Hell no.”

“All I’m saying is that Jesus better have some leaky facets up there, because I was told there would be rain and there better be some rain.”

“Yeah, conspiracy guy just licked his finger and drew a protective symbol in saliva on our front door.”

“Just as a reminder, I cannot give you currency that is not legal tender in this country. I’m not a bank.”

“Alright wall. Time for round three hundred and forty six.”

“Oh good, Clothesmageddon has come upon us.”

“Time for Clothesmageddon 2: Revenge of the Shirt.”

“Can we stop with all the boxes? We’re borderline going into a cardboard apocalypse.”

“And I see the Boxcalypse has continued despite our best efforts.”

“Okay this is Clothesmageddon vs. Boxcalypse isn’t it?”

“If I run into any more boxes and get anymore bruises I’m going to look like someone tried to mug me.”

“Just start hanging things from the ceiling at this rate. The ceiling will collapse and we’ll all get workers comp while we wait for repairs.”

“Half the store could catch on fire and it wouldn’t matter, she would just tape that off and still try to be open anyway!”

“I have a solution for all these boxes, but I have a well behaved inner pyromaniac and I’m pretty sure we can’t legally hold a bonfire in the back alley.”

“Words. What is English? What are words I don’t even.”

“Sunshine, I love you, but not in my eyeballs, please.”

“Okay time to look creepy and antisocial at the front door again.”

“We have space for that. In the dumpster.”

“Right I need to explain the body bag story since you’re new.”

“The people above us have a tap dancing elephant that is constantly moving a piano, don’t worry about it.”

“Cardboard I swear to god if you nick me one more time I will end you.”

“Machine, don’t you make me get Mr. Hammer. I’m an expert in percussive maintenance.”

“I’m used as a threat against technology? AWESOME!”

“I don’t lift, I have the physique of a pool noodle.”

“Thank you, shiny white vehicle owner who parked right in front of the store. My retinas needed a good burning today.”

“Well the lady who was making that product stopped. Bears got into it first and they take priority over us.”

“There was this one time where someone forgot to put the r in ‘shirt’ and that was a fun product text to fix in the system...”

“For as long as I work here, no one will misspell any music related term ever.”

“... SWARD? WHO PUT SWARD IN THE SYSTEM? IT’S SWORD.”

“Curse you back alley. How dare you smell like grilled onions.”