#worded

~ perhaps you've never been betrayed by a loved one

so you are not familiar with the feeling of the ocean in your eyes and the dryness of wood on your tongue?

~ perhaps the ones you sit at the dinner table with haven't stabbed you in the back yet

do you not understand the feeling of the entire forest on this earth burning inside your heart?

~ perhaps your soul hasn't been set to fire by a loved one

“someone dying is different to you when you’re older”

and then proceeded to say...

“it would be worse if my gran died now than when she did, because i was younger then. You don’t think about things at 19”

now, i thought about this. At first, i was inclined to agree because, of course when you’re older you appreciate different things, you look at life in a different way.

But, now i’m 17, and i know now that if my papa died tomorrow (hes not ill or anything so this is hypothetical), i’d be absolutley devastated. I don’t even think i could describe the pain that i’d feel if that happened. What i would immediately think of is - “i’ll never see him again” which of course is what anyone would think.

but my next thoughts would be - “he’ll never see me graduate. He’ll never be able to go to my wedding. He won’t be able to hold his great grandchildren. He won’t be there to cheer me on at my first job or congratulate me when i but my first house” (if i do those things)

i’ll be wrecked over the things i’ll never get to do with him. I’m 17, my life has barely begun. I can feel grief just the same as adults can. But that doesn’t mean it will be the same.

If he were to die when i was 40 (like my mum is now) well of course, i’d be devastated still. But the difference is, when i’m 40 i’ll have most likely done all of those things. And he, will be older (like 100 to be exact). He will have lived a full life and been able to experience a lot of the milestones of mine with me. I’ll have thousands of more memories with him that i wouldn’t have had.

Now i’m not saying that adult grief is less intense than teenagers or young adults. Of course it isn’t, if anything you appreciate life more and know the value of it is more than you think when you’re younger. But what she said, and how she said it, made it seem as if it wouldn’t hurt as badly, or i wouldn’t care as much.

I know that when i’m older, i’ll probably appreciate my mother differently than i do now. Because my life and views will change. But that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate her now, but just in a different way. It’s not less or more, it’s different.

there’s some ignorant teenagers out there, i know and have met them and are related to some. But i just don’t think it’s right to say that a young adult’s or teenager’s grief is less than someone older than them, just because they’re younger. We look up to them and think about all the time they got to spend with them, all the memories they have with them and what we’re lacking in comparison. We’d give anything for more time so that we could catch up to them.

I don’t appreciate anyone less and i won’t appareciate them more when i’m older. I’ll appreciate them differently. My grief is no less valid than someone who is older than me. It’s different, not more, not less.