#wolfstarisotp

Sirius: *discretely listening* hmm *practices*

Remus: actually I like poets

Sirius: .... *Starts making a poem for remus*

Remus: and actually, I'm really into someone who can make jokes, specially dark ones you know—

!!Trigger Warning!!

*self harm

Remus POV

I wake up to see sirius laying next to me, bruised and scarred. Last night was a full moon I remembered, and I can't believe I lost control, I hurt him, I hurt the person I said I'll never scar. Tears run down my cheeks as I look at him peacefully sleeping remember how much of a monster I am for hurting him. I can't believe how much of a fool I was to even think that I can love someone without hurting them. I don't deserve him, he's to good for me and he doesn't deserve me, I'm a monster that no one deserves to be with.

I stand up and go to the bathroom to look at myself at the mirror. Just a few fresh wounds like always. Tears kept rolling down my face as I thought, the more nights sirius spends with me on a full moon, the more he'll be hurt. Maybe, I should... end things. I thought as I feel a pair of arms snake around my waist.

"Hey Re, you alright?" I hear sirius' morning voice, I heard a tiny whimper when he moved his arm, it seems he's still healing from last night, which made me more hurt.

"Perfectly fine pads, how about you, you seem really hurt" I turn to face him and completely forgot I was crying. The look of shock on his face when he saw me sobbing.

"Re, please stop crying. I'm fine, very fine, finer than fine. P-please stop crying." He wiped my tears as he started panicking and just hugged me tightly, Merlin what did I do to deserve him. I hug back as his grew tighter and tighter.

"b-but I-I h-hurt you. I don't d-deserve y-you. Sirius I'm a m-monster, Y-you don't d-deserve the p-pain I b-bring you." I sob harder into his shoulder as he starts rubbing circles on my back in attempt to calm me down.

"Remus you never hurt me, and never will. These scars show how much I love you, how much I'm willing to go just to be there for you. These scars are a reminder that I'm there for you even on a full moon. I'll always be here for you Re, no matter what circumstance." Sirius tells me calmly as I quietly sob on him. He has done so much for me, so much with me, the least I can do right now is to show him I'm happy. I know that he'll be happy if I am.

"I guess you're right" I say releasing from the hug and I smile at Sirius as he smiles back.

"There's the smile I'm looking for" Sirius says as he pulled me into a kiss, I kiss back and hear james aggressively knocking on the door.

"sTOP sNOGGING wE nEED tO gET tO cLASS." james yells and ends with a yawn, I let out a giggle as sirius answers.

"alright, hold on!" he laughs and wraps an arm around me as we head out of the bathroom.

"took you long enough." a sleepy james says and heads into the bathroom.

A few months later it's always the same, I lose control and wake up to see Sirius laying next to me with more scars than the previous month. I would always try to heal them and head into the bathroom. After the first month of me losing control, I lock the door in order for sirius to not stop me. After I heal his wounds I always go to the bathroom. I see my reflection and want to punch the mirror, I'm a monster I kept repeating in my head as I held a blade and add 3 more cuts. As of now, I have 15 cuts, they seem to be not enough though, I know what I'm supposed to do.

It's lunch time now but I told sirius to meet me at an abandoned classroom before going to the great hall. I'm waiting for him by the door and a few minutes later he arrives, locking the door behind him.

"Hey boo" Sirius says as he approached me and gave me a peck on my cheek.

"hey..." I say coldly as I weakly smile at him. His face expression suddenly change to a look of worry.

"Anything wrong Re?" he says in a low voice while placing a hand on my cheek. I hold that hand and look away as I felt tears roll down my cheeks.

"I can't do this anymore Pads, I don't want to hurt you anymore." I say in a weak voice as he pulls me into a hug but I don't hug back.

"Re please don't leave me, I told you, you have never and will never hurt me, please Re believe me these wounds and bruises are nothing, I don't even feel them. Please Re you're the best thing that has happened to me, I can't afford to lose you, please." he says, now sobbing as I pull away from the hug.

"I'm sorry sirius, I'm a monster that you shouldn't be with. It's over, I'll hurt you no more." I say crying, storming out of the room.

~~~~~

Should I post a part 2 of this? ~