#wolfiee10

When you and Beau told Dean that you won't be here, at Briar for the weekend because you flew to Wisconsin, Dean was more than disappointed. He didn't want his best friend to go. He didn't want you, his girlfriend to go. Because that meant that neither of you'll be here for his game. And he didn’t like this. Ever since he knew Beau he was there for all of his games. And you... ever since you were transferred to Briar, you didn't miss his games either. But it was your grandma's ninetieth birthday. And you Maxwell's always celebrated together.

"Do you really have to go?" Dean asked reluctant to let you go. He didn't want to let you go. Let you out of his arms.

"Yes, baby. You know we always celebrate together with the family" you said.

"You'll miss my game" he said disappointed.

"I know. And I’m sorry for that" you said and cupped his face.

"I don't wanna let you go" he admitted and you felt as his arms tightened around you "I'm gonna miss you too much"

"I'm gonna miss you too, bro" Beau said sarcastically but Dean just rolled his eyes at his best friend's words.

"We'll be here soon. We're only gone for the weekend" you whispered before you pulled him into a kiss.

"Fine" he murmured against your lips "but once you're back, I want you all two myself for a whole week" he said.

"Deal" you said and chuckled a little.

"Alright, love birds. Time to go, Y/n" Beau said, breaking your moment with Dean "Bye, Dean"

"Bye, Beau. Bye, baby. I love you" Dean said and kissed you one last time before he let you go.

"Love you too, Dean. See you soon" you said then you left with Beau.

You went with two cars to Wisconsin. Joanna went with her own car while you and Beau went with your dad. And as usually Beau sat in the passenger’s seat because he got to the car faster.

"This is not fair, you know" you complained as you got in the back.

"Not my fault, I'm faster" he said.

"And I'm older" you shot back "You should give the passenger seat to me. Be a gentleman"

"You wish. Besides. You're not much older. You're like two minutes older than me" he said.

"Still older" you argued and Beau just rolled his eyes.

At the weekend you had a really great time celebrating your grandma's birthday. It was the usual. The whole family together. Talking about everything. Everyone's life came up. How everyone's doing. How's Joanna taking that she's getting more and more famous. How Beau's doing with football and school. Which team he wanna join once he finished at Briar. Whether he has a girlfriend already. Then came you. Almost the same questions. How you're doing with your studies. Whether you have a boyfriend. And when you said you have, and that it's Dean. Luckily, they already know Dean because of Beau. They knew what he was like. Mostly. Because whenever someone from your family met Dean, somehow, he was able to behave. So, your family only knew the gentleman, sweet side of him. If they would know that before you, he was a womanizer, you were sure they wouldn’t be so happy. But now, they were happy. So, after all everything went great at the family gathering. But you still couldn’t wait to get back home and be with Dean again. Which was supposed to happen a few hours after you texted him.

"We're leaving now. So, I'll see you in a few hours, love. Also, good luck for your game" you texted him.

"I can't wait, baby. And thanks" he texted back quickly before he tossed his phone in his bag and left the locker room. He had a game to win. What neither of you knew was that might be the last time you text.

Your father was driving, Beau on the passenger seat again, you in the back middle seat. You and Beau were arguing about something stupid again. You were so busy arguing with Beau, you only stopped when you heard father curse. You both looked ahead and saw a deer in the middle of the road. Your father swerved to avoid hitting that deer that darted out of the woods and stopped on the road. But as your father swerved, the car's tires hit a patch of black ice. The car flew off the road, flipped over twice and slammed into a tree. You hit your head hard to one of the front seats. You fought so hard to stay awake. But you couldn't. Everything went black. Beau lost consciousness too when the car hit the tree and he felt a sudden sharp pain in his neck. Only your father stayed conscious, and he barely had any injuries. He was the one who called for help.

They lost. They lost the game again. Which made all of the boys frustrated. They did everything they can, yet they still lost. Somehow the other team was better this time. Everyone left after they took a shower and changed back. Only Dean was left in the locker room alone. He took his time, taking a shower. Then he checked his phone, hoping to see a text from you. But nothing. He didn't get any text. Neither from you. Or Beau. Which was weird. It wasn't like you that you didn't text him for hours. Even if it was a simple text, you never went for hours without texting him. And this made him worry. But he ignored that feeling.

He got back to his place a lot later than the others. He promised to some first year guys that he'll give them some tips for hockey. Since those guys turned to him, that they wanna join the hockey team. But they wanted some tips from Dean first. So, he agreed to give some tips at Malone's. That's why he arrived back a lot later than the others. But Dean wasn't even paying attention as he walked into the house then the kitchen, where the others were sitting at the table. Dean's eyes were glued to his phone as he waited for a text from you. He only looked up when Tucker cleared his throat. And as he saw the look on his three friends face, he knew he's not gonna like what he'll hear.

"What happened?" Dean asked but nobody answered his question at first. Which made everything worse and he felt as his heart sped up "What is going on?" he asked again.

"Maybe you should sit down" Logan said.

"I don't wanna sit down. Tell me what happened" Dean demanded still standing in the doorway.

"Dean... sit down" Garrett said, more firmly than Logan so Dean finally followed the order and sat down at the table, opposite the three guy.

"I'm sat. Now... What's going on?" He asked again but he still didn’t get an answer.

"Who should tell him?" Tucker asked and looked at Logan and Garrett.

"I will" Garrett said.

"Tell me what?" Dean asked. Now, he wasn’t just worried. He was fucking scared.

"Coach Deluca called Coach Jensen..." Garrett started but Dean cut him off.

"Coach Deluca? As the football team's coach?" Dean asked.

"Yeah..." Logan said and wanted to continue but Dean cut him off too.

"Why did he call our coach? That doesn't make sense" Dean was thinking out loud.

"He called because he knows we're friends with Beau. That you're close to Beau. And Y/n" Tucker continued but once again Dean cut off the sentence.

"What does it had to do anything with Beau or Y/n?" Dean asked and he felt like his heart gonna beat out of his chest. But not in a good way.

"Dean... Just... listen. Okay?" Garrett said a little frustrated. It was already hard enough for them to tell such things to Dean but as he always cut them off made it harder. "There was an accident" Garrett said but Dean cut off again.

"What accident?" Dean asked as his breathing grew heavier. There's no way this could end well.

"Car accident... Y/n and Beau were in that car with their father" Garrett said but after this Dean's brain shut off. He saw as his friends mouth moving but he didn't hear anything.

Suddenly he felt like that his whole world's gonna collapse. It felt like someone pulled the floor out of his feet. And the whole room was spinning. And he felt dizzy. You, his girlfriend and Beau, his best friend, were in a car accident. He couldn’t process it. This can't be happening. This can't be true.

"No" he said suddenly and stood up.

"What?" Logan asked surprised.

"I said no. It's not true. I talked to Y/n... my Y/n before the game. She was fine. She said they'll be back in a few hours. She's gonna be here soon. She spends the night here. And we'll have a date tomorrow. Then I'll meet Beau at Malone's on Tuesday" Dean started rambling. He didn't wanna believe what he heard. That just can't be true. He just talked to you. You'll be here.

This can't be the reason why you didn't text him.

"Dean..." Garrett called his name "We're sorry"

"No. This is just some sick joke, right? You guys are just fucking with me. This is not funny. I'm telling you" he said and his hands started shaking because deep down, Dean knew that it was not a joke.

"It's not a joke Dean" Tucker said.

"We're so sorry" Garrett said again.

"No. Don't say that. It makes it sound like they're dead" Dean said then suddenly he felt like he was gonna pass out so he sat back down "Or are they dead?" he asked and his voice cracked. You can’t be dead. Beau can’t be dead. He can't lose you. He can't lose both of you. He needs you. Needs you both.

"We don’t know" Logan said.

"What do you mean you don’t know?" Dean asked and stood up again abruptly and slammed his fists on the table.

"They didn't tell us anything. All we knew is what Garrett said" Tucker said.

"And that they're at the hospital" Logan added.

"Then tell me again" Dean demanded.

"What?" Garrett asked.

"Tell me again what happened exactly. I need to hear it again" Dean said and Garrett took a deep breath before he started telling Dean again what happened then Dean just turned back and walked to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Tucker asked.

"To the hospital" with that Dean left and slammed the door behind him.

He got to his car and pulled out of the driveway. His hand was tight on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white as he sped down the streets. His feet was pressing down on the gas pedal. He didn't even care he's going way above the speed limit. The only thing in his mind was to get to you. To make sure you're okay.

The guys looked at each other after Dean left and jumped up from their seats. They quickly got into Logan's car and followed Dean to the hospital.

When he got to the hospital, he didn't even bother to lock the car, he just ran inside and immediately asked nurses for you. They didn't wanna tell him anything since he wasn’t family member, so he started looking himself. Until he spotted Joanna and ran to her.

"What happened?" Dean asked her but as he saw her tears and red eyes, he knew it's serious.

"My dad is fine. Small injuries. Beau..." Joanna started but her voice cracked.

"What's with him? Please tell me he's okay too" Dean pleaded but Joanna shook her head.

"His neck broke. They said cervical fracture. He had a surgery. He survived the surgery. But maybe he'll be paralyzed. Or maybe he'll be completely fine with time. They don't know yet" Joanna said and Dean had to sat down.

"Fuck" he muttered and ran his hand through his hair "And Y/n?" Dean asked but he was already scared of what he was gonna hear.

"She had several injuries. She hit her head hard. They did a brain scan on her, she got a concussion and some of her ribs got fractured. And she might lost her memories" Joanna said and Dean's eyes started to get blurry.

"They don't know?" Dean asked.

"No. She's not awake yet" Joanna said.

The next hours Dean anxiously waited with Joanna. He wanted to go inside your room and see you, but the doctors didn't let him in. So, he was forced to wait outside. Which he didn't like. For a while he was sitting on one of the chairs, his legs bouncing up and down. He couldn’t stop thinking about the worst case scenarios. Then he couldn’t stop sitting after like two hours passed, and he still didn’t get any information about you. So, he started pacing outside back and forth until Joanna told him to stop.

"Dean... stop. You're gonna walk a whole into the ground" Joanna said.

"I can't. I feel I need to do something, or I'll go insane" Dean said and ran his hands through his hair.

Only a few hours passed, which felt an eternity to Dean when finally, a doctor approached them.

"Joanna Maxwell?" the doctor asked and Joanna jumped up from where she was sitting.

"Yes?" she asked and walked closer to the doctor with Dean. But the doctor just looked at Dean like he was waiting for him to leave "He's family too" Joanna said quickly and pointed at Dean, and he couldn’t have been more thankful.

"Beau Maxwell is awake. The surgery went well. He'll be okay. But still there're chances that he might not walk again" the doctor said and both Dean and Joanna let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay. Can we see him?" Joanna asked and the doctor told them which room Beau's in. Dean didn't even waste time as he made his way towards the room and Joanna followed him closely.

When they walked into the room, Dean didn't know how he felt. He was partly relieved because Beau was alive. But seeing his friend like that was everything just not good. Knowing that he might not walk again. Dean and Joanna stayed with Beau for a while. Told him what the doctor told them.

"So, I won’t walk again. I'm paralyzed for life" Beau stated like he's still processing it.

"He said there's a chance. Not the same thing. So, there's also a chance you can walk again" Joanna said.

"You'll walk again" Dean stated.

"What about Y/n?" Beau asked and for minutes he didn't get an answer "What's with her?"

"We don’t know yet" Dean said.

"What?" Beau asked like he didn't hear it correctly.

"She's not awake yet. The doctors don't know anything until she wakes up" Joanna informed her little brother.

Joanna and Dean stayed with until a doctor sent them away, claiming Beau needs to rest. So, they were forced to leave Beau.

"Do you have any news about my sister, Y/n?" Joanna asked the doctor once they left Beau's room.

"Yes. She's awake. She has a concussion, so we'll keep her here for a few days, just in case. But you can go and see her now" the doctor informed them. He told them which room they can find you then he left once again.

"You can go to her" Joanna said to Dean.

"Are you sure?" he asked and Joanna nodded. She knew Dean was really worried about you, and she didn't want to disturb you two "Thank you" he muttered then quickly rushed into your hospital room.

"Baby?" he said quietly, and you immediately looked at him when you heard his voice.

"Dean?" you asked weakly.

"Yes, baby. I'm here" he said as he rushed to your side and sat on the chair next to your bed and took your hand in his "I thought I lost you when I heard you got into a car accident. I felt like my whole world collapsed. That I lost everything. I can't lose you, baby. You mean too much to me"

"I'm okay. I'll be okay" you whispered.

"Don't scare me like that again. I love you too much" he said as he brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles.

This was your dirty little secret. A secret between the three of you. Between Beau, Dean and you. Nobody knew. Not your friends, not Dean or Beau's friends. And especially not your brother, Garrett. This thing was only between the three of you.

That you were dating both of them. You never thought this would ever happen. Or get this far. Ever since Garrett introduced you to his friends, you were drawn to Dean. Then you met Beau too. Thanks to Dean and Garrett. And suddenly you were torn between the two guys. Especially after both of them started seducing you. You tried to choose. You knew you have to choose one day. But you just couldn't. You loved both of them. And you were ready to tell this to them. That's why you asked to meet with both of them at Malone's. What they didn't know at first was that they were both in love with the same girl. Even though Beau and Dean talked a lot about the girl they like, your name never came up when they talked about it. So, when they saw each other at Malone's they were more than surprised.

"Maxwell? What are you doing here?" Dean asked as he approached the table where Beau was already sitting.

"I'm meeting my girl. What are you doing here?" Beau asked, shocked to see Dean here.

"I'm here to meet my girl too" Dean said and Beau just nodded at his words. Then you walked into Malone's and suddenly all your courage left you. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have a meeting with both guys at the same time. Maybe you should have told them this separately. But when you first thought about it, it seemed like a good idea to tell them at the same time. That you can’t choose. That you won't choose between them.

"Y/n" they said at the same time when they saw you walk in. You felt as your face started to heat up when they called your name at the same time and then they looked at the other. This was definitely the worst idea you could have ever had. But here you're now. So, you slowly approached them.

"Dean. Beau" you greeted them and sat down at the booth where Beau was sitting, and Dean sat down next to Beau.

"I think I don't understand What's going on" Dean said.

"Me neither" Beau said and both boys looked at you.

"I'm seeing both of you" you blurted out.

"What?" they asked at the same time then they looked at each other.

"Let me explain" you said before they could say anything else and that's what you did. You explained how you were attracted to the both of them. How they asked you out on the same day and you couldn't say no to them. That you planned to choose later. Go on a few dates with both of them and that you thought you'll be able to choose. That you knew it was wrong since they're friends.

"So... here we are" you ended the story.

"Let me get this straight. This whole time... you were dating both of us?" Dean asked and pointed at Beau then himself and you nodded "Woww..."

"I'm really sorry that I didn't say anything sooner. I didn't know how to tell you this because..." you started but Beau cut you off.

"Because we're friends" Beau finished your sentence and you could only nod again.

"Yeah... and now... Now, I can't choose. I like you both" you admitted and waited for their response. You waited in silence for minutes which felt hours to you. You waited for whether they would fight. Or maybe stand up and leave. Or that they make you choose which you couldn’t. You would rather lose both of them and they keep their friendship rather than choose. You waited for anything. But they were just staring at you for minutes which was killing you. Until Dean finally spoke up.

"Well... I definitely didn't expect that" he said "But..."

"I won't choose. As I already said" you said before he could finish his sentence.

"Relax, baby. Let me finish what I want to say" Dean said "I'm willing to share"

"That's fine by me" Beau agreed immediately and this time you were the one who was shocked. You expected any kind of response. Anything. But not that.

"What?" you asked like you couldn’t hear it right.

"If it's fine by you. We're willing to share you. You could have both of us. And we can have you. That's what Dean meant" Beau voiced Dean's thoughts.

"Did you read each other's thoughts or what?" you asked.

"Kinda. That's why we're such great friends" Dean said and Beau nodded. You were still surprised how well they understood each other without saying anything. Like they really read each other's thoughts.

"So... I can be with both of you? You won't make me choose?" you asked to get things straight and both guys nodded which made you smile.

When you decided to tell them you can’t choose. You were sure you’ll loose both of them. Never in your wildest dreams you thought you'll end up having both of them. But there was one thing you knew for sure. Garrett's not gonna be happy.

"We have to keep this a secret" you said when your brother came to your mind. He would kill both Beau and Dean. Then kill you too. Or maybe he'll lock you in a room and never let you out again. As much as you loved your brother. He was too overprotective. That's why you never had second dates with anyone else until now. Your brother made sure they won't come near you. Which was annoying. It was annoying that he still saw you as a little girl who can’t make her own choices. Who can’t protect herself. A part of you understood why he was so protective. He was the older one. But Garrett was only one year older than you so the other part of you still didn’t understand why he's like this.

"Okay" both of them agreed and you were glad they did.

For a few weeks it was easy but also really hard to keep this whole thing a secret. You lived with the boys, which Garrett insisted on, ever since you're studying at Briar. So, it was easy because Beau came over saying he only came to see Dean. Meanwhile at night the two boys sneaked into your room. Or you sneaked into Dean's room to be with them. The hard part was to stay quiet when you were with them.

But the problems started when the others started to notice how often Beau came over. Even when Dean wasn't at home. But Beau was always smart coming up with ideas. Mostly he used that he left something in Dean's room. Or that he forgot what time he agreed to meet with Dean and that's why he's there 'early'. None of the boys ever questioned him. They just let him in and watched as he disappeared in Dean's room. Meanwhile Beau really went to Dean's room but a few minutes later, he sneaked into your room. Lucky for you all, your room was next to Dean's. So, the others never noticed. Until one day.

The day when Garrett found out. He walked into your room without knocking and he didn’t like at all what he saw. His little sister and Briar's football team's quarterback’s making out. Garrett couldn’t even say anything at all for a few minutes. He just stared at you two as you were in your bed, kissing Beau. Beau was on top of you, his body between your spread legs. He was supporting his weight on one of his forearms, his other hand was under your shirt on your waist while one of your hands were in his hair and the other was resting on his biceps. You two were so busy with each other as his tongue explored your mouth that neither of you noticed Garrett in the doorway until he spoke up.

"What the fuck?" Garrett shouted, which made Logan and Tucker ran upstairs, only to found Beau in your room.

When you heard Garrett's voice, you broke the kiss and you quickly pushed Beau off of you. But you pushed him with a little more force than you intended so he landed on the floor next to your bed with a soft tub.

"Shit" you cursed.

"Ohh fuck" Beau cursed too as he saw the three boys.

"I thought you left something in Dean's room and that's why you came" Garrett said and he was angry. Like really angry. You thought he's gonna explode. Meanwhile Tucker and Logan just stand there frozen. They didn't expect this turn of events either.

"I made a wrong turn?" Beau said, trying to get out of this but you both knew that you won't be able to get out of this.

"The wrong turn? And you were looking for whatever you left here in my little sister's mouth" Garrett asked, and you knew he's furious. You saw as his hands curl into fists and walk closer to Beau who already got on his feet.

You knew you had to act quickly before someone got hurt so you jumped out of your bed and quickly stepped between the two guys before it could get physical.

"Calm down, G" you said and gently pushed him back a little.

"Don't tell me to calm down. I'm not gonna calm down. I just saw him..." Garrett said and once again gestured at Beau "push his tongue down your throat"

"It was just a little kiss" you said, trying to save the situation.

"No. No. This was everything, just not a little kiss. This was a whole make out session I walked in" he said furiously.

"Exactly. You walked into my room without knocking. You didn't respect my privacy" you argued back.

"And if I don't walk in who knows what would happen" he shot back and you knew that your brother was right. If he wouldn’t have walk in, you would probably have sex with Beau again. Amazing sex.

"Nothing" Beau said quickly, trying to help you. And as you heard his voice you snapped out of your thoughts. Next time, you need to check twice if the door's locked or not. This can't happen again.

"Nothing? Am I supposed to believe that?" Garrett asked him and Beau quickly looked away.

"Okay... we are dating" you blurted out.

"What?" Logan and Tucker asked at the same time. You completely forgot they're here too. Till then they were trying to process what was happening.

"Since when?" Garrett asked but he didn't look at you, his eyes were staring daggers into Beau.

"Few weeks" Beau answered, knowing that Garrett probably wants to hear the answer from him.

"Few weeks?" Tucker and Logan voiced together once again.

"And you didn't tell me?" Garrett asked and finally looked at you. As you looked back up at him, you wished you didn't. You didn't know which hurt more. That he was mad at you. Or that he was disappointed in you. Those were the two things you saw in his eyes when your gaze met his. Anger and disappointment.

"I know it's bad. Okay? I should have told you. You're my brother. But this... how you reacted right now is the reason why I didn't tell you. Why I wanted to keep my relationship with Beau a secret. Whenever I got close to a boy before, you scared them off" you said and your words shocked Garrett.

"I only tell them if they break your heart, they'll regret it" Garrett admitted.

"Yeah... maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal. But if you say that, the hockey team's captain, it means the whole hockey team is going after them" Garrett opened his mouth to protest or argue but he couldn’t "So, they rather left before. I never had second dates, G. That was until I met Beau. And he's the sweetest guy I ever met. And Dean. I swear to you" you promised to your brother, but you didn't say Dean's name out loud. You only put that part there in your head.

"Okay... but if you broke her heart" Garrett started and looked at Beau.

"I won’t. I would never. And if it does happen, which as I said won't, I'd deserve to be beaten. I'd deserve if you beat the shit out of me" Beau said.

"I'm glad you got it" Garrett said and finally smiled.

But then Dean arrived home. And all he saw was everyone in your room, even Beau.

"What happened?" Dean asked as innocently as he could, even though from what he saw, he had a feeling he knew what had happened.

"Beau is dating Y/n" Logan said and Dean looked at you, but you quickly shook your head a little. Dean immediately understood what you meant. They only knew about Beau and not him. So, he had to act like he didn't know about it either

"Did you know it?" Tucker asked.

"That they're dating?" Dean asked "No. I have no idea about it. Beau didn't tell me anything about this" Dean said seriously then pointed at Beau "but now, I wanna know everything" then with that Dean left and went to his room.

You let out a small sigh of relief, thankful that Dean got what you meant and didn't say anything. Garrett was mad enough that you have one boyfriend. He would lose his mind if he found out you have two. And that one of them is his best friend. Who was also a womanizer before you.

"I'll keep an eye on you, Maxwell" Garrett said before he walked out of your room.

"Congrats, I guess" Logan said then he walked out too. Then Tucker looked at the both of you and left your room, closing the door behind him.

For a few minutes it was just you and Beau. And after everyone left, you both got back into your bed.

"That was intense" Beau said and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him.

"My brother was ready to kill you" you said to Beau.

"You and they guys wouldn’t let that happen. Or at least I hope you wouldn’t let that happen" Beau said, lifting his hand and brushing some hair out of your face.

"I wouldn’t let that happen" you said and leaned forward, pressing your lips against his.

Now, the kiss wasn’t as heated and rough as before. Before Garrett barged in and the heat of the moment disappeared. This time the kiss was soft and gentle. But still as passionate. You only broke the kiss when you felt the bed dip and a body got behind you. They you felt strong arms wrapped around your body.

"Where's my kiss?" Dean murmured into your ear which made you smile. You didn't even hear him sneak into your room. You definitely need to learn to check the door twice before you get too busy kissing someone.

You turned onto your back and turned your face to the side to face Dean. You didn't have time to say because Dean immediately pressed his lips against yours. Dean's kiss was hungrier and rougher than Beau's. His lips moved against yours with urgency. Like he was starving for this. Then his tongue swept against your lower lip, seeking entrance. You were about to give in when you remembered what happened minutes ago.

"Wait..." you said, breaking the kiss which made Dean groan "The door"

"I locked it, baby. Don't worry about that" Dean said and leaned in for a second kiss. While Beau started kissing down your neck which made you moan into Dean's mouth. But Dean broke the kiss as he started kissing down on the other side of your neck.

"Oh fuck" you moaned and your breathing grew heavier.

"You have to be quiet, baby" Dean murmured against your neck.

"Yeah, sweetheart. We don’t wanna get caught again, right?" Beau asked and started sucking on your pulse point.

"No" you breathed out.

But the problem was that with Dean and Beau, it wasn't easy to be quiet. They were good at sex. Too good.

There was one thing harder than being quiet with them. And that was hiding your relationship with Dean. Now, that everyone knew you and Beau are dating, you two didn't hide it. His arm around your waist or shoulder most of the time. Or he was holding your hand. In some way Beau was always touching you. And now, that others knew, he was able to kiss you in public too. And Beau took advantage of it.

Maybe it was good for you and Beau. But for Dean it was torture. He didn't mind sharing you with his best friend, Beau. Especially because both of them were your secret boyfriends. But now, he was the only one who was the secret. He couldn’t touch you or kiss you in public like Beau. But how much he wanted. So, as hard as it was Dean had to settle with what you have with him in private. With the lingering looks and the subtle little touches. Like a hand on your thigh while you were sitting in a booth between him and Beau.

The bigger problem was that Dean wasn't as subtle as he thought he was. Tucker started noticing how he looked at you longer, how his hand lingered on you longer than it should. But what everyone noticed is that tonight, as you were all at Malone's, he turned down multiple girls.

"Dean... are you okay?" Logan asked him.

"Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?" Dean asked and his hand tightened on your thigh.

"You turned down like sixteen different girls. Sixteen girls who would give anything to spend a night with you" Garrett said.

"I don't feel like it tonight" Dean lied while his hand moved to your inner thigh.

"You don't feel like it? What happened? Who are you? And where's the real Dean Di Laurentis?" Logan asked and laughed.

"Probably he's in love" Tucker said and shot Dean a knowing look.

"No way..." Garrett said but when Dean didn't deny it his expression turned serious "Fuck... you are in love" Garrett stated.

"Maybe I am" Dean said with his usual smirk. The smirk that made his dimples show. The dimples you loved so much.

"Who is it?" Logan asked.

"It doesn't matter" Dean said quickly.

"Do you know it?" Garrett asked and turned to Beau.

"No. I don't know anything about it. I only knew what you all know. That he's in love with some girl" Beau said.

The rest of the night, the guys tried to found out who that mysterious girl was. But Dean didn't say anything.

The guys even tried to found out the next few days. They started teasing Dean about too, hoping he'll break at their teasing. But Dean didn't say a word about his mysterious girl. Garrett, Tucker and Logan's teasing didn't stop even as more and more days passed. Which made it even harder to keep your relationship a secret. Sometimes Dean just wanted to admit that the girl is you. He wanted to admit to his friends that he loves you, Garrett's little sister. And that he's already with you. But he knew he couldn’t do that.

"This is getting harder and harder every day" Dean said as he once again, sneaked into your room at night when everyone else was sleeping.

"What?" you asked and both, you and Beau watched as he walked to the bed after he closed your door.

"This is torture" Dean admitted as he took his usual place on your bed.

"What is torture?" Beau asked.

"Seeing the two of you. In public. Touching and kissing" Dean said.

"So now you mind sharing me?" you asked, turning to face him.

"No. I just crave that too. I wanna touch you and kiss you in front of others too" Dean voiced his frustration.

"So, you're jealous" Beau stated.

"I'm not jealous" Dean said firmly "This is different"

"You know you have me too Dean" you whispered before you kissed him.

"I know" he murmured against your lips.

"I'm gonna tell Garrett soon" you whispered and Dean's eyes lit up.

"So, if you tell him that means no more secrets and both of us can finally have you?" Beau asked excited. He seemed just as excited as Dean about this.

"Yeah" you answered and turned your head to Beau to kiss him too.

That night when you said soon, you didn't expect that soon meant the next morning. Especially because of the same mistake again. Because you didn't lock the door. Again.

But early in the morning when Dean woke you up with kisses, you didn't even think about checking whether the door's locked or not. Especially when you felt his lips on yours and his hands on your thigh.

"Baby" he murmured against your lips and his morning voice sent chills down your spine.

"Yes?" you asked but you didn't let him answer, you pressed your lips against his again. His hand went from your thigh to your ass as he pulled you closer to him. Your hand went into his blonde hair, and you tugged on it which made him groan against your lips. Meanwhile Beau was still sleeping peacefully on your other side.

And once again, that's when Garrett decided to walk in. Once again, without knocking. If he was mad when he found you making out with Beau. Now, he was furious. His best friend's tongue in his little sister's mouth and his hand on her ass. Meanwhile his little sister had a boyfriend.

"What the fuck?" Garrett shouted so loudly that even Tucker and Logan woke up and ran to your room. You and Dean immediately pulled away, and Dean jumped out of the bed.

"Oh my God" Logan said when he saw Dean, you and the lack of clothes.

"You're trouble" Tucker said to Dean.

"I can explain" Dean said and looked at Garrett.

"Explain? Explain what? That you're fucking my little sister?" Garrett shouted again and took a step closer to Dean, his hand already curled into fists "And you? Cheating on your boyfriend, Beau?" your brother asked as he turned towards you.

"Huh?" Beau asked as he finally woke up hearing his name. He was a heavy sleeper but sleeping through Garrett's shouting was a different level "What's with me?" Beau asked as he sat up in your bed, his hair sticking everywhere and the boys finally saw him too, which shocked them even more.

"I think I don't understand a single thing" Logan said.

"Me neither. What is going on?" Tucker asked.

"I would love to know that too" Garrett said and turned to Dean again, glaring at him.

"I'm dating Beau. And Dean too" you finally admitted. Tucker and Logan's eyes went wide in surprise. But Garrett... he just looked even more furious than before.

"So, this whole time. This whole fucking time. You were fucking my little sister. And you didn't say anything about it" Garrett asked, which was more of a statement than a question. And with every word Garrett walked closer to Dean. Then before anyone could react Garrett's fist collided with Dean's jaw.

"Ohhh fuckk..." Dean cursed and as he stumbled back a few steps but then Garrett's fist swing again. And again. And again. Dean took a few hits from Garrett before he hit back too.

The boys were quicker than you. Beau jumped out of your bed, pulling Dean away while Tucker and Logan tried to hold Garrett back. But Garrett was too furious. Anger was pumping in his veins, so the two boys had no chance to hold him back.

You wanted to do something. But you couldn't. You were frozen in place. Because in that moment. When you saw Dean's split lip, the blood dripping from his nose and the blood on your brother's knuckles... Garrett looked too much like your father.

"G... stop, please" you asked but your voice came out weaker, quieter than you wanted to sound. But Garrett heard you anyway. He even heard the shakiness in your voice which made him stop. He looked at you, and seeing the terror on your face, made him froze. That's when Tucker and Logan finally let him go.

"Fuck..." Garrett cursed and he looked down at his bloodied hand. Then he looked at Dean's face. This was his blood. His best friend's blood.

"G... you're not him" you said, already knowing what he's thinking. You finally got up from your bed and approached your brother "You're not him. You stopped. He wouldn’t. You're not him" you repeated again which calmed him down a little.

"I'm sorry" he whispered to you.

"I'm sorry too, G. I should have told you" you said.

"Now, I get why you didn't" he said, like suddenly he understood why you kept it a secret. He stepped back from you and looked at him "I'm sorry" he said to Dean too who just shook his head.

"It's fine. I kinda deserved it" Dean said and wiped some blood away from under his nose "if you would be with my sister behind my back, I would lose my mind too. I would react the same way too. Don't worry. It's all good" Dean said and Garrett nodded. Then Garrett looked at Beau, then Dean then at you. Then he just left your room.

"We'll go after him" Logan said then he left Tucker to go after Garrett.

"I thought this’ll be worse" Beau admitted.

"I think it was bad enough" Dean said, still wiping the dripping blood from his nose.

Garrett:

You had back dermals and a tramp stamp for a while now. And even though you were with Garrett for months now. He didn't know it. He never saw it before. Until tonight. When he wanted to meet with you at Malone's for a date. So, now he was waiting for you until he spotted a girl at the bar who looked awfully like you. Expect that girl had piercings and a tattoo. Which for some reason made this girl hotter in his eyes. But he quickly pushed those thoughts away. He had a girlfriend he loved.

But then that girl turned around and his eyes went wide. The girl didn't just looked like you. It was you. Now, at least he didn't feel guilty for staring at a girl. Because that girl was you. But then he remembered the tattoo and piercings again. And he started thinking how he didn't notice before that you have a tattoo and piercings at your lower back. Just as he was about to get lost in his thoughts, you approached and sat down opposite him with two drinks.

"Hey, baby" you said with that smile you only gave him.

"Hey..." he said as he stared at you.

"Do I have something on my face?" you asked as he didn't say anything else. He just stared.

"No" he said quickly and shook his head to clear his mind. But he couldn’t. He could only think about that tattoo and those piercings on your back.

"Then what is it?" you asked and tilted your head to the side.

"You have a tattoo. And piercings. On your lower back" he blurted out which got you confused.

"Yeah. I do. How did this came?" you asked.

"I saw. You were there. I thought it was someone else, but it looked so similar to you. But I thought you didn’t have a tattoo or piercings. So, I started feeling guilty for staring. But then you turned around" he started explaining.

"Okay... and if you stared... what do you think?" you asked and bite your lower lip.

"That it's hot. So fucking hot" he admitted.

Dean:

You always wanted to get back dermals and tramp stamp. You always thought it was hot and it looked good, so you wanted to get one too. And you told this to Dean after you were dating for weeks. You knew he would love it, or at least you hoped.

"I want back dermals and tramp stamp" you blurted out to him one night.

"A what?" he asked confused.

"Piercings and a tattoo" you explained but he still didn’t get it.

"Okay. And where?" he asked.

"Lower back" you said then you reached for your phone to show him pictures "Like this" you showed your phone to him with pictures. First, his eyes went wide then you basically saw his thoughts as his eyes started to darken.

"Fuck... yeah. Do it. Definitely get it" he said and turned his head to look at you, his eyes roaming over your body as he already pictured you with the piercings and the tattoo.

"Yeah? You would like it? You think it would look good?" you asked.

"Definitely. It would definitely look good on you. From my view for sure" he said and you knew what he was referring to so his words made your face heat up.

The next day, you immediately asked for appointment. Your boyfriend thought it would look good. You wanted it. That's all the approval you needed. So, you just need to get it. Which you did. You get both the back dermals and the tramp stamp a few weeks later when you got the appointment. Now, you just needed to show your boyfriend.

"So... Remember the back dermals and tramp stamp I mentioned to you?" you asked as you walked into his room, closing the door behind you.

"Of course, baby" he said as he watched you get closer to his bed where he was.

"I got it" you said as you turned around and lifted your shirt a little. For a long time, he just stared at you.

"Fuck..." you heard him mutter then he was on his feet and soon you felt his hands on your hips "Yeah... I know I will be right. And that it'll look amazing on you"

"Yeah... yeah..." you said and turned around to face him.

"Now, I got some ideas" he murmured as his eyes darkened, and he leaned down to kiss you.

Logan:

You knew for a while now that you want tattoos and piercings. But you didn't know what. Until you came across a picture. There was a girl with a tattoo and piercings. On her lower back. And when you saw it, you knew that's what you want. That's what you need. So, you decided to get it as soon as you can. Which was a few weeks later after you came across that picture.

While you were getting the tramp stamp and back dermals, all you could think about is what your boyfriend, Logan's gonna think about it. But you had a feeling he's gonna like it. After all, when you mention him once or twice that you want a tattoo and piercings, he was really supportive about it. But since you decided what you want, you didn't mention him. So, you were wondering how he's gonna react. Which you gonna find out soon. Especially because he's gonna pick you up after it's done.

"So, what were you doing here?" he asked after you got into his car.

"Got the piercings and tattoo I wanted" you said with a small smile.

"Really? And what did you get, Gorgeous?" he asked and started the car.

"You'll see when we get into your room" you answered. Then without saying anything he pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the streets. It seemed like he couldn’t wait much longer to see your tattoo and piercings. And before you realized you were at his place then he quickly pulled into your room as soon as you got out of the car.

"You seem eager" you laughed as you watched him close the door behind him once you two were in his room.

"I am eager. Now, show me Gorgeous" he said.

"Okay" you chuckled and turned your back to him and lifted your shirt a little, revealing the tattoo and piercings.

"Holy shit" he muttered as he saw your lower back "This is amazing. You look amazing. It suits you" he said as he walked up behind you to take a closer look.

"So, you like it?" you asked.

"Not just like it. I love it, Gorgeous" he whispered in your ear.

Tucker:

When you and Tucker got together, you already had the back dermals. But you only got the tramp stamp after you got together. Without telling him about it. One day, you just decided that finally it's time to get that tramp stamp. You were thinking about getting one for a while now, anyway.

But for Tucker, it was completely a surprise. As you were laying in his bed, on your stomach, scrolling in your phone when he walked in a spotted you. And as soon as he saw you, he stopped in the middle of his room. He knew you'll be there. But as he looked at you, his eyes roamed all over your you and his gaze stopped at your lower back. The piercings weren’t a surprise. But the black ink wasn’t there before. He was sure you didn't have a tattoo before. You heard him enter the room, so you thought soon you'll feel his body in the bed next to yours, but this didn't happen for minutes. So, you looked back at him and saw him staring at your lower back.

"Is everything okay?" you asked him.

"When did you get a tattoo?" he asked, not tearing his eyes away from your lower back.

"A few days ago" you answered "You don't like it?"

"I... I do. I mean... it looks really cool. I'm just surprised. I didn't you know want a tattoo" he said and finally snapped out of his staring and walked to the bed.

"Well... I wanted to get a tramp stamp for a while now. I might have forgotten to mention it" you said and shrugged.

"Yeah... you forgot to mention it to me" he said as he got in the bed next to you and looked at the new tattoo and the piercings "But it definitely looks good on you" he said once again.

Beau:

You already had the back dermals and tramp stamp for years now. But Beau had no idea about it. He never saw it before even though you were together for months and you already hooked up a few times. Somehow, he still didn’t see it before. Until tonight. When you wore low rise skirt and crop top for a part. So, the tattoo and piercings were visible to everyone. Not like you were hiding it before.

When Beau saw you first that night, he only saw you from behind first. He wasn’t even sure for the first glance that's you. He had to look twice before he approached you.

"Baby?" he asked as he walked to you and you immediately turned around when you heard his voice.

"Heyyy..." you greeted your boyfriend who was staring at you in shocked "Are you okay?"

"Me? Yes. Why would I be?" he asked and tried to compose himself.

"You look like you seen a ghost" you stated and laughed a little.

"I... you have a tattoo. And piercings" he said, still in shock. He tried to process what he just saw "Since when?"

"For a few years" you answered his question.

"You didn't tell me" he said.

"I wasn’t exactly hiding it" you said and he realized you're right. You were hiding it. He just simply didn’t notice it before. "And now, you know about it too. So, what do you think about it?"

"That it's hot. And I really really like it" he whispered and placed his hands on your waist to pull you closer to his body.

Allie:

You already had a few tattoos, and you were planning to get tramps stamp too for a while now. You even knew what you wanted to get. So, when you had a chance, you get an appointment to get the tattoo. But the back dermals were a little sudden idea. You saw a picture in the salon where someone had back dermals and tramp stamp. And you loved it. So, beside your tramp stamp, you decided to get back dermals too.

The same day when you get it, at night Allie noticed the tattoo and piercing when you two took a shower together at her place.

"Wow" she said as your back was turned to her as she washed your back, but her eyes darted to your lower back.

"What?" you asked, glancing back at her.

"You get these today?" she asked and gentle ran her fingers over the tattoo and piercings, careful not to hurt you.

"Yeah. What do you think about it?" you asked.

"That it looks so hot. You look so hot" she said, not tearing her eyes away from your lower back.

"I'm glad you think so" you said as a small smile appeared on her face.

"Maybe I should get the same thing" she thought out loud.

"Maybe you should" you said as your smile got wider and finally turned to face her.

"Maybe I will" she whispered before she kissed you and you smiled against her lips.

Hannah:

You were planning to get back dermals and a tramp stamp for months. And finally, today you got it. Without telling Hannah about it. She knew you want to get back dermals and a tramp stamp, but you didn't tell her you'll get it today. You wanted to surprise her with it. And of course, you choose the tattoo design she showed you a few days ago.

But to her it was a complete surprise when she saw it tonight. She saw it when you were changing in her room, getting ready to sleep. First, she only saw it from the corner of her eyes since she was changing too. But as she saw the black ink on your skin, she completely stopped and just stared at your lower back.

"Is something wrong?" you asked when you noticed that she's just staring at you while she's half naked.

"When did you get those?" she asked and pointed at your lower back.

"Ohh... so that's why you're staring" you said, now understanding everything "today. I got it done today" you said "do you like it?" you asked.

"Yeah. It looks really cool" she said as she walked closer to you to take a better look at the tattoo and piercings "Seriously. It looks amazing"

"Thanks, baby. I'm glad you like it" you said and look back at her.

"And you choose the design I show you" she muttered and you turned around to face her.

Saying that you were surprised when Wednesday asked you out was an understatement. You were so surprised that you were just staring at her because it seemed like that you forgot how to form words.

It took you a few minutes to register what she asked. You even asked back if you heard right. If you wouldn’t know her so well already, you would think that she was joking or something, but she was completely serious.

When you realized that she's not kidding, you felt your cheeks heat up, and it felt like your body is on fire. While she was just staring at you, patiently waiting for your answer. After several minutes, you were finally able to stutter out a little 'yes' for an answer. When she heard your answer, you swear you saw her smile then she gave you a place and a date that when. You nodded then she left.

Your first date was over three years ago. You just graduated a few months ago, and your relationship was still going strong and now, you were even living together.

During those years, you both changed so much, she started showing her emotions but only to you and even after those years, sometimes she was a little more closed off, but you learned how to read her.

Today, you both had a quite lazy day. You were just laying in bed almost all day, not like she didn't keep you busy anyway.

You woke to the feeling of her cold hands wander under your night gown. The moment her cold hands made contact with your warm skin, you woke up immediately.

As she slowly trailed her hands up your thighs, she pushed your nightgown higher and higher, to your hips. Wherever she touched you, goosebumps appeared on your skin, and she looked up at you when she saw how your body reacted to her touch.

"Morning, Y/n" she whispered as she hovered above you and gave you a quick kiss.

"Morning" you mumbled, still not fully awake yet but slowly her hands wandered even higher, caressing your inner thigh with her thumbs which made your breathing quicken and your panties started to get wetter with every passing second.

A faint smile appeared on her lips as she shifted lower on the bed, parted your legs wider to make more room for her as she settled between your legs. She looked up at you once again as she started trailing up kisses on one of your legs. You took a deep breath and fisted the sheets as her lips slowly reached your inner thigh and she gently bite down on your skin and sucked on it to leave a mark there.

Then she repeated the same with your other leg too but now, she didn't stop at your inner thigh. Her lips moved higher until she reached your panties. She took a deep breath, and she could smell how turned you're already. She looked up at you through her lashes as she pressed a kiss to your clothed clit and a little whimper escaped your mouth. She pressed a few more kisses against your core through the damp, thin fabric.

"You're soaked already" she whispered against you.

"Please don't tease me" you pleaded as a knot already started to form in your lower stomach.

Hearing you begging was one of her favorite things but now, she wasn’t in the mood to tease you further, so she hooked her fingers into your panties and pulled it down your legs then tossed it away.

She glanced up at you then she placed a kiss on your clit which made your hips buck up but she pushed it back against the mattress, her hands keeping you there. Then she licked up a stripe between your folds which made you let out a loud moan. She repeated it a few more times, then she attached her lips on your clit and started sucking on it.

"Oh God..." you moaned and bucked your hips against her mouth.

"You like this?" she mumbled against you then her tongue entered you.

"Fuuuck... yes" you answered her, you voice a little shaky.

She was eating you like she didn't eat for days and you're the most delicious thing she ever tasted. Your moans just encouraging her more as she flicked her tongue inside you. The knot get tighter and tighter with every second. Your legs started to shake, and your walls clenched around her tongue.

"I'm so close..." you whimpered.

"Come for me" she mumbled against your pussy, her tongue kept fucking into you. The knot in your stomach bursts, and with a small moan, you come all over her face.

She hummed against you as she collected your juices with her tongue, and she licked you clean. Then she pulled back and licked her lips.

"You're so delicious" she whispered.

She hovered above you and leaned down to kiss you. She forced her tongue inside your mouth, letting you taste yourself on her tongue which made you moan.

Sometimes people don't even know how much the other one is struggling. Or maybe they just simply don't care. Probably the truth is the latter. Because there's no way that you notice when others are struggling but no one ever notices that you're struggling too. But maybe, they just think you've everything under control because you're so selfless that you're willing to push your own feelings aside to help others. That's what always happens. You help others, even if you're falling apart too, but no one ever helps you.

For you, it was always like that. You've been struggling silently, alone. Having dark thoughts, having mental breakdowns every single night, thinking about ending everything because the pain is so unbearable. Yet, you still didn’t do it. You couldn’t. You wanted to. So many times. But a little feeling inside you always held you back. You thought about it every day. Writing goodbye letters. Then just disappear forever. Get rid of the never ending pain.

But you're still here. Waking up, putting on the perfect fake smile. You perfected it so well that even you would believe that's a real smile. But that’s the point. That the others don't find out that you're struggling. They couldn’t have though. If they would pay more attention to the little details, they would have known that you're not okay. That you need serious help but don't know how to ask for it. If they would just look at you a little longer, they would have notice how many times you zone out. How the spark in your eyes is gone now. But they never noticed.

You have no idea how to ask for help. But you also didn’t wanna ask for help. You didn't wanna burden others with your problems. So, you just pushed your feelings aside, trying to control it, which became harder and harder every day. But a part of you felt like you had to. You had to push aside your own feelings to help others. To be their anchor in the storm. Because that's what you were to everyone. The safety net. The safe place. Because you never judged. You always listened. No matter when they reached out, no matter about what. Nothing ever mattered. Your feelings never mattered. Only theirs. Because if your friends and family are fine, then who cares about your feelings. You'll deal with it somehow.

It was always like that. For years. And you have been struggling for years too. But others needed you. So, you were there. You were there to listen and help.

You always listened when Nancy or Jonathan called you if they had relationship problems. You listened and helped them solve their problems. Jonathan started getting closer to you when you helped him, trying to find Will. He really thought that apart from a few people everyone gave up that Will's still alive. But not you. You offered to go with him, searching for Will so many times. Meanwhile you let him talk about anything. About how he loves taking pictures, you even helped him in the little room sometimes. He told you that he likes Nancy. You even helped them get together. And Nancy started liking you when you helped her, trying to find Barb. You two get closer during that time.

You were also there for Robin. When she had no idea who to turn to. She told you that she likes girls because for some reason, she trusted you more than anyone else. You never judged her. Which already made her feel better. You were there for Eddie too when the whole town turned against him. For some reason he came to you when he was chased, and you let him stay. You hid him at your place and that day, Eddie found out why Dustin talked about you so much. That why he called you everyone's anchor. You didn't even ask

Eddie about what happened. You knew already. Yet, he expected that you’d give him up or shut the door in his face. Instead, you opened your door and welcomed him, let him stay till the whole thing was over.

Then the kids. It all started, you found them late at night, searching for Will. You picked them up when you were with your car and helped them. Then you lied to the parents for them. Saying that they were with you the whole time and they were safe. After that, they started turning to you with every problem. You helped them hiding El too, that night. Then later, El started seeing you as a big sister. Since outside everything was new to her, you helped her a lot with things, the boys didn’t understand. Then came Max to their friend group. Who also started seeing you as a sister after you protected her from Billy.

And lastly Steve. You were friends since childhood, until freshman year when he meet Tommy and Carol. Because after that he pushed you away. But after the fight with Jonathan and the breakup with Nancy, he came back to you. He thought you hate him after what he did. After he just started ignoring you one day. But you didn't. You welcomed him back with open arms. Helped him clean up his wounds and comforted him after the breakup.

You didn't even realize what you're doing at first. It came to you naturally. But when you started having your own problems. Or more likely when your family issues become worse and when you become depressed. You never had a good relationship with your parents, or at least not with your father. Your father was awful. Always ready to remind you that how much of a failure you are. Your mother wasn’t that bad. She was just too busy with work all the time. Maybe how this all built up over the years, pushed you into the depression. Or maybe it was something deeper you didn't know about. You started feeling the things you do, the never ending pain. The things you once did without any effort became hard.

Listening to others problems, helping them, smiling became extremely hard after you became depressed. But you still pushed through it. You ignored how much a small conversation started draining you. Because they needed you. You couldn’t just let them down now. So, you forced yourself to push your own feelings aside to prioritize everyone else. You smiled, even when you wanted to cry. You forced yourself to be happy, so no one question anything. You thought that it’ll pass. That with time, it's gonna be over. That it's just a phase. But that didn’t happen. The opposite happened. Every day became worse, harder. Sometimes even getting up was hard, especially when all you wanted to do was be gone.

But even if someone asked if you're okay, you brushed it off, saying you're just tired. Which was the half truth. You were tired. But not physically, not because you barely slept. You were mentally tired. The spark in your eyes were gone. Replaced by emptiness. Whenever you looked into the mirror, it seemed like a dead person was looking at you back. It felt like it's not even you anymore. But you still ignored it. Ignored all the signs your body sent you. You slept less, you barely eat, because you didn't have an appetite, the constant headaches.

You still pushed through everything. Especially before the big fight with Vecna. But deep down, a part of you wished that Vecna’ll get you. Or a Demogorgon. Or you didn't even care at this point. Once you even thought that it was over. You felt when Vecna get into your head. But he didn't show you anything. He couldn’t show you anything worse. Maybe, you were already too hurt that nothing affects you anymore. So, as soon as you felt Vecna entered your mind, just as quickly he left too. Which for some reason made you feel even worse. You didn't know why though.

And after the big fight, everyone was happy. Just not you. But you didn't let others know that. They didn't have to know that. Besides, everyone was busy with their own thing. Finally, everyone can get the future they wanted. Expect you. You didn't have a dream anymore. And you knew that now that Vecna is gone. Everyone's gonna leave. And you had no idea what you gonna do with your life now.

Maybe everything would have been different if that one day when everything got bad, someone would be there to hold you tight and tell you everything's gonna be okay. But no one was there. No one hold you. No one told you that you're gonna be okay. That they're there for you. Maybe that's why everything got bad. Maybe you expected too much from people. Maybe, you thought you meant more to them than you actually mean to them. Maybe, they would never miss you.

These things. These thoughts sent you spiraling. And the moment you stepped into your bathroom after you got home from the big fight, you broke down. You couldn’t hold it in anymore and you started crying. You hated crying. Usually, you were able to hold it back. But now everything was just too much. You wanted to call someone so badly. But everyone was happy around you. You didn't wanna bring down with you. So, you just sat on your bathroom floor, sobbing and hugging yourself.

You had no idea how long you have been sitting there. The time blurred together. You didn't even hear your phone ringing multiple times because of your sobs. This wasn’t the first time something like this happened. You had multiple breakdowns. And you always picked up the pieces and put them together somehow. But this time was different. It was worse. You were crying so hard, you started feeling like you couldn’t breathe. So, you tried to take deep breaths to calm yourself down for a little. Which only worked for a few seconds.

What happened in the next minutes blurred together. You didn't even realize how you reached for a blade you had in the bathroom in case you need it. But you never used it before. You couldn’t. You didn't hear as someone walked through the front door. You didn't hear as the person search through the house. You didn't even notice the person breaking into the bathroom. Your focus was on the blade in your hand. You vision blurry and your hands were shaking.

You only get out of this trance when that someone, Steve, took the blade out of your hands. He tossed it into the trash and checked your arms for any injuries. When he found nothing, he felt a little relieved. He was glad he got here in time. Because when you didn't pick up the phone to him, he knew something's seriously wrong. He had a feeling that something's not okay with you. But he always thought that you'll tell him when you want to. But you never talked about what's bothering you. So, when you didn't pick up the phone, he panicked. He panicked and immediately rushed here. To you. Praying that you won't do anything stupid.

"It's not a solution" you heard his voice and felt him sitting down next to you. You couldn’t even look at him, you were still staring at your hand. So, he just pulled you into his arms. And hugged you tightly. Which broke you even more and started crying harder, clinging to him as he gave you a little comfort.

"It's okay. I'm here now" he whispered and let you cry into his chest, your tears wetting his shirt. He never saw you like this before. This broken. And it broke his heart to see you like this.

"I can't..." you said between sobs.

"You can’t what?" he asked softly.

"I can't do this anymore" you cried but he still didn’t understand what you meant. Which made him panic more. You never cried. You were always so strong. Be there for others.

"Can't do what?" he asked when you didn't say anything else for minutes.

"Can't keep living like this. I can't. This pain. I can't handle it anymore. It's too much. I don't wanna be here" you cried and tears welled up in his eyes.

"Don't say that. Please don't say that" he said and his voice cracked. He had no idea you feel like this. And he had no idea how long you are feeling like this. Keeping it to yourself. He couldn’t help but blame himself. He should have been here before. He should have noticed that you're struggling.

"No one would miss me anyway. Everyone's life would be so much better if I were gone"

"That's not true. Everyone's life would be a lot worse if you wouldn’t be here. You helped us so many times. Everyone would miss you like crazy. Everyone would blame themselves for not being there for you. Especially me. I would miss you the most and... God, I would never forgive myself. I would follow you. Go after you" he said but you couldn't really believe him.

"Maybe at first. But you would all be okay. With time. But I can’t keep carrying this pain anymore" you whispered, your voice sounding exhausted. And Steve just shook his head as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"You don't have to. You don't have to carry it alone anymore. I'm sorry I wasn’t here before. I'm so sorry I didn't notice sooner how much you're hurting. I'm sorry. I should have been there for you. I should have noticed. But I didn't. I failed you. Everyone had you. But you had no one. This wasn’t suppose to happen. I'm so sorry. Please, let me be here for you now. Please don't give up yet. We need you. Not because we could rant to you. But because we love you. Please, please don’t give up. Let me be here. I'm listening. Just talk to me" he pleaded and held you even tighter. He refused to let you go now.

Then for minutes he didn't say anything else, he just held you tightly and stroked your hair to calm you down. He didn't wanna force you to talk. He didn't wanna ask questions. He wanted you to open up to him on your own if you want. And he just wanted you to know that he's here now and he's not leaving. You can even ask him to leave because he's not gonna do that.

A part of him hoped that you'll start talking eventually. But as you didn't and your arms loosened around him, he looked down at you, only to see that you're asleep. He sighed then he got up from the floor with you in his arms and carried you to your bedroom. He gently placed you on the bed and covered you with the blanket. Then he kicked off his shoes and got in behind you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you back against him.

You only saw it by accident that you're Natasha's wallpaper on her phone. You didn't even mean to snoop or anything. It just kind of happened one day.

You were all together for dinner at the Avengers Compound. Today there was no mission or anything so basically everyone was free. Everyone was busy with their own thing, basically this was a lazy day for you all. Bruce was in the lab. Tony was helping Peter with something. Steve, Bucky and Sam were in the gym. Clint tried to find out how Vision lift Thor's hammer, asking him questions while Thor was watching the two. And you spent the whole day with Natasha and Wanda, talking about all sorts of things.

Then as usual, for dinner Tony ordered some food for everyone, and you all gathered around to eat together. This happened once years ago and since then it became a routine for every lazy day. Every minding their own business then for dinner you all get together. And after dinner, you all went to living room to watch a movie. This was part of the routine too in lazy days. Everyone already had their own spots and once everyone sat down, the guys always started arguing about what to watch. While you, Wanda and Nat just sat there, listening to the argument which was always hilarious.

"I can't believe they do this every time" Wanda said beside you.

"Yeah. Every single time. The same argument" Nat added from your other side.

"I think it's actually funny. It's entertaining" you said and laughed a little and the other two girls joined in the laughter too.

Usually, you sat there for a while listening to them, then Wanda always disappeared with Vision. Then you saw Nat try to sneak out too. You quickly jumped and hurried after Natasha.

"Wait... I'm coming with you" you said and you two sneaked out of the living room and went to her bedroom instead.

In her bedroom, you two easily choose a movie what to watch. Mostly, because Natasha didn't even care what you two watch so actually you choose the movie. She was just glad that you were there with her.

The movie was already halfway through when Natasha got up and went to her bathroom. But while she was there, you heard as her phone keep vibrating next to you on the bed, as she got multiple messages.

"Nat... seems like someone really misses you. You got like 50 messages" you shouted to her.

"From who?" She asked and you glanced at her phone as it lights up again with a new message. First, you looked at who was texting her so much and for some reason you felt relief washed over you when you saw it's just Yelena.

"Yelena" you answered her question.

You didn't wanna look at her messages or read them but then something else caught your eye. The background. You know you shouldn’t do that, but you grabbed her phone to take a closer look. You were staring at the lockscreen wallpaper for a very long time. You recognized the place obviously because the picture was taken here in the Avengers Compound. Then the person in the wallpaper. The girl was facing away from the camera, so her face wasn’t exactly shown. But it was you. Unmistakably you. As realization slowly sink in for you, you felt as your heart sped up and you had to bite back a smile. You didn't wanna believe that you're Nat's lockscreen wallpaper. You had so many questions about it. Why you? And when did she take that picture?

You didn't wanna get caught, looking at her phone but you couldn't stop staring at it. And till you realized, it was too late. The bathroom door opened and Natasha walked out. You thought she’d be mad at you because it seemed like you're going through her phone. But she didn't seem mad at all.

"What does she want?" Natasha asked you as she walked back to the bed and took her previous spot.

"I'm your lockscreen wallpaper" you blurted out, still holding her phone in your hand but now you were looking at her. And you swear it seemed like that she blushed.

"Well... yeah..." Nat said simply.

"Why?" you asked.

"Why not?" she shot back with a question to avoid answering.

"When did you take this picture and why?" you asked.

"I took it a couple months ago. And why? Because I thought you looked beautiful in that moment" she said and you felt as you face heat up from her compliment.

"She think I'm beautiful? This has to be a dream" you thought to yourself.

"So, what did Yelena want?" Natasha asked, hoping you'll drop this topic for now.