#withered-scribe

Solemnity only a skeleton could bring to the table reigned at camp , as the party rested their weary weapon on the grass blanket to break bread for their supper . There was special kind of quiet in this tableau of picturesque that one couldn't help but enjoy despite perilous stakes.

Shadowheart's pointy ears perked up , and her skin bristled bristly, with the sense of undead presence lurking , nonetheless.

There was shift in the air , and she could definitely feel something wrong , placid ambience could only fool her as far as they had been less alert along their path due to tiredness.

Withers' words reverberated enigmatic to the mortal ear, posing somewhat of a puzzle or perhaps the truth in his words was hidden in plain sight.

" I'm pretty sure I spotted a death shepherd hiding in plain sight.. better get our bows and spells ready, and watch out those traps, too ".

And speaking of traps.

" Where's Astarion?," She couldn't spot the pesky vampire anywhere , hopefully he wasn't draining someone's arteries , unsolicited.

Nabooru snorted. " Trust me. I'm not the one you need to worry about on that front. I learned long before this disaster that if it's too good to be true, it almost always it. "

She glanced toward the rest of the their camp, those who shared the infection but denied the call of the Absolute. " I'm not sure I can say the same about all of us, though. The lure of power can be intoxicating... "

@withered-scribe sent: Dark Urge #5

30 Questions for your Dark Urge

Nimue's feelings on the gods change throughout her entire life due to the events she goes through, but ultimately are very complicated.

Before her amnesia, before she became leader of the Cult of Bhaal, she was a fervent worshipper of Corellon Larethian and wanted to be a Cleric of his. This evolved into hoping to be a Sorcerer-Cleric sort of thing after her capacity for sorcery was discovered.

But she also always wondered whether Corellon would ever accept her, when she realized she couldn't remember anything of the 'past life' elves are supposed to recall up until they're a century of age. As well as her realizing the urges she felt to commit violence weren't normal, were in fact horrific.

Hence, as would become habitual throughout her life, she hid them and bore everything alone. She was the perfect image of a pure, faithful girl, but beneath the surface suffered alone. When she killed her foster parents, she immediately became convinced Corellon would never accept her for her terrible sin, but she still prayed to Corellon, in fact begged him to be free of her urges and asked for his forgiveness.

He never answered her prayers, and she would end up slaughtering everyone in the church she stayed at, and Sceleritas Fel would take her to become the leader of the Cult of Bhaal.

During that time, she embraced her urges in full and relished in finally having a place to call home, a place where she was accepted, where she didn't have to deny who she was, didn't have to pretend. She dedicated herself wholeheartedly to Bhaal, but deep down, she wasn't truly happy.

But she didn't dare contemplate that, buried that feeling because even if she wanted to go against Bhaal, at that time, she wasn't willing to pay the price she knew she would have to pay; her life, and subsequently wandering the Fugue Plane in the afterlife forever as a faithless.

And at the time, she thought; why give up all of this power? Why give up the home she finally had? Why die alone and faithless when she could die making her father proud? But in the end, she was his puppet. Her life was his, she was his possession, he didn't truly see her as his daughter but as a tool. Not like she'd ever acknowledge that, though.

And then came her being tadpoled, experimented on by Kressa, then shipped off to the Nautiloid with amnesia.

After wandering for a while, she'd slowly remember she used to worship Corellon, and at first started praying to him again to be free of these urges of hers, but...after a while, she stopped. She didn't realize for a while why, but eventually, she'd understand its because she unconsciously believed he'd yet again never accept her.

And after finding out she was a Bhaalspawn and realizing she was a mere 'imitation' of an elf, she was wholly convinced he'd despise her. In fact, that was the conclusion she overall came to; no god would ever answer her prayers, no god would ever save her, no god would ever care for her. She was a wretched Bhaalspawn that, should she defy Bhaal, would be doomed to be a faithless wandering the Fugue Plane.

But honestly, even before that, because of how Shar and Mystra treated Shadowheart and Gale, how no god ever answered Astarion's prayers, she was already somewhat spiteful toward the gods. She didn't even grow more spiteful for herself after realizing her heritage, to be honest, because her self-esteem is terrible and she thinks its a wholly her issue than an issue with the gods when it comes to her.

Her companions though? Who she believed deserved so much better than what they got? Oh she was absolutely spiteful and angry at them for that. Her companions didn't do anything to deserve what they got (well, Gale sort of did fuck up with Mystra, but he sure as hell didn't deserve to be told to go kill himself). They deserved so much more.

But she didn't. She didn't think she deserved any better.

And in the end, she had enough will, self-destructive tendencies, and companions she loved dearly to make the choice she couldn't make years prior.

She would defy Bhaal and accept her fate of death, because at least that would be better than being tormented by her urges forever, than becoming his puppet once more, than possibly destroying this world and her companions because of these urges.

But then the unthinkable occurred, and Withers (who is with almost complete certainty Jergal) would revive her. And he would become the only higher power she really had any faith in for that, though she didn't really see him like that. He's more like her grandpa to her, haha.

Overall though, her feelings towards most gods for most of her life were complicated and her believing nigh all of them would despise her because of what she was, growing to her having a lot of spite towards them for how they treated her companions (but not herself), leading to her only really having any faith in Withers / Jergal by the end of the game.

@withered-scribe continued from here.

Her heart felt like it skipped a beat when Withers said he knew the source of these godsdamned urges of hers, but of course, he wouldn't get straight to the point. But, she would humor him if that's what it took to get the answers she wanted. "...Sarevok?" The name sounded familiar on her tongue somehow, as if there was something more beyond him being the name of a figure of the past.

She searches her scattered mind, and recalls something she read in a history book once. (A history book from where? When? She can't recall.) "He was a Bhaalspawn that threatened Baldur's Gate somewhere around a century ago and was eventually defeated in the end, if I'm remembering right. But I don't know many details. What does he have to do with this?"