#witch's diary

I spent the past 2 days looking into sigils (What are they, how to write 'em, how to activate them). I even dabbed a little into what's Chaos magick at the suggestion of a friend. I then realized the two are deeply connected (chaos magick > sigils).

Then tonight, I attempted one. It was messy.

I chose a long intention/sentence that left 11 letters to be drawn into the sigil. With my perfectionist/unrealistic-expectations ass, I took forever because I wasn't satisfied with what I was drawling.

Plus, I was even more distracted by trying to cook simultaneously and be done both in time for Critical Role (didnt make that one).

Eventually, I just settled on this ugly ass drawing and went outside. I listended to music related to my intent, smoked, and blew the smoke on paper for extra elemental charge, and then stashed the sigil in an intention related hiding spot.

I chose not to destory the sigil until the intention has succeeded. Felt right.

I then finished my dinner, sat down, and wrote all this. I'll let go of the sigil from my mind as I catch up with Critical Role.

lyrics include: 

“Her scent shines in the light Yes, I’m a witch /

Say (you) gonna love me Cast a spell, spell it Feel it sweetly like a dream Yes I’m a witch (girl) I’m a witch (girl)” (lyric cred.)

so yesterday i fasted for the first time in a while, both for health and spiritual reasons. 

technically the fast was decent. I felt a little gross near the end of it but it was mostly because i started my period later that night so there’s that lol. I drank water, tea and coffee throughout the day and had little to no cravings at all. I noticed throughout the day i had a little more focus than usual on different things, such as hyper awareness of the plants and animals around me, both at work and home. 

when we laid down for bed, i started my before-bed meditation and breathing practices. I focused on my upper chakras one at a time, but for the first time, when i focused on my brow chakra, it started to tingle. it felt like something was sitting both under my skin and skull, and also above it. even when i went to focus on another chakra, it would keep tingling and pulling my attention back to it. every time i would focus on it, when i would relax after, i would realize i had lifted my chest upward and tilted my head back without noticing. i felt like i needed to touch it, repeatedly, but avoided it as my intuition guided me not to for now. the feeling didn’t fade, even after i was done with my meditations and decided i was ready for bed. 

it was so exciting, it took forever to fall asleep. i kept thinking about it, wondering what it meant and if i would feel it in the morning. when i finally woke up, the tingling had stopped, but it still felt vaguely like something was there, and still does. 

I have been asked in the past: "why don't you practice your native religions/worship your native deities?"

The truth is, I do. In many, many ways, I have always done.

See, where and how I grew up, these things are not all a big, mystical, mysterious, holy chunk of light that's its own big bright orb.

The ancestors, the myths, the folklores, the spirits, the mythological beings, the divine; all that I grew up with, I've taken with me everywhere I've been. They've always been with me and they've never left me. They are my culture, my heritage, my lineage, the history and ways of life of my people. They are in my blood. They are a part of who and what I am. They always will be.

They were here when I immigrated to the West from my native land. They were here when I changed my name. They were here when I became a Catholic. They were here when I became a Hellenic Pagan. They were here when I became a witch.

They are intertwined into every step I take on this path that's my life. They are threads interwoven into the tapestry of my spirituality that will remain wrapped around me forever.

I'm realistic enough to know that my magic can't replace science and modern medicine.

Things I should never have had to leave behind, parts of my identity I should never have had or felt the need to shed.

How many pieces of myself have I had to chip away and tuck into the back of a drawer? How much of my being have I had to cover up?