#wisdomandstrength

🌸✨ Celebrating Ganesh Chaturthi with Devotion & Joy ✨🌸

As we welcome Lord Ganesha, the remover of obstacles and the giver of wisdom, may His blessings guide our path, strengthen our spirit, and inspire progress in every step. 🙏🌿

At Aspiring Team, we believe in growth, resilience, and collaboration — values that align with the divine essence of this festival. 🌟

🌟 World Senior Citizens Day 🌟

At AspiringTeam, we honor the wisdom, resilience, and strength of our elders — the guiding light that inspires every generation. 🙏✨

Just as they’ve stood strong through challenges, we aspire to build a future with the same dedication, compassion, and perseverance. 💪❤️

What I told him

We began this relationship with a clear idea of where we were headed. Of those, two were most important for me. 1. We had similar future goals in terms of marriage, living situation, children, etc. 2. You told me your “deep dark secret” (your words, not mine) and said you would work on it.

The past year, things have changed a lot. You are no longer sure if you’ll ever even be ready for marriage which is something I’ve tried to make my peace with and just be patient. But on top of that, your dark side is coming to light much more often. At least in the past, you were apologetic when it came out. But now, you’re not even sorry. It’s just become “this is who I am. Stop trying to change me. I’m trying, but I may never change. Either take it or leave it.”

Of course I love you and would try everything in my power to make this work because I believe in us. But at this point when I’ve lost hope and faith and the future has become murky, I need to hear why I matter to you because I feel like you’ve all but given up. I feel the anger and resentment coming from you and I don’t blame you cuz on top of that, you don’t even have your family’s support. You say it doesn’t matter but you’re human too. Blood is thicker than water and whether you realize it or not, the fact that your mom does not support our relationship affects you and how you see us.

So what am I to do? The two things that mattered most to me, that I thought we were both headed towards, may no longer ever come to fruition and I’m expected to either just roll over and take it or leave.

I deleted this part…

I no longer have the strength to root for us when I don’t feel you giving equal effort. I feel like I’ve been doing it for so long and I was ok with it when we were at least headed in the same direction but I don’t know if we are anymore.

I guess what I’m saying is I need a reason to stay. Any reason, whatever it is you feel, please. I need to hear you give me a reason to stay. If you can’t, then maybe this is it.

What I feel (not that it’s different but what I wrote in my diary)

What to do now?

I didn’t realize how hard this would be. Or maybe I just didn’t realize how long of a process it would be.

If it wasn’t for the whole uphill with marriage, maybe it wouldn’t be so much of a problem for me.

But what happened, happened. I can’t change that.

I miss what we had. When our future was promising and we were working together. But now I feel like we’re just fighting each other.

And for what?

To be in a relationship with someone who may have similar beliefs but not the same Christian morals I have?

I thought I could change him. I firmly believe it’s a woman’s job to mold men cuz men are stupid. Left to their own devices, they would fail. Miserably.

Of course, likewise for women. The whole “can’t live with them, can’t live without them” deal.

But he no longer wants to be changed. Or he no longer wants me to change him?

나 없이 잘 살겠지.

아니. 살겠지.

But then he would have no Christian influences in his life.

But am I even a strong enough Christian to influence him?

I guess I kind of gave up and hoped that our children will convince him.

근데 그게 아닌가?

What if it never happens? Can I live with a non Christian? Or not even that. A non God believing spouse?

Is my faith strong enough to carry both of us?

Not right now.

Will it ever be?

My prayer

Dear God,

Please give me the wisdom to know if I should stay in this relationship.

And the strength to accept and execute either path that you decide for me.