#winter!5sos

“We actually just wrapped on the new album,” the brunette started, scratching at his jaw and crossing his ankles together so that his lean body laid casually across his chair. “We’re starting to plan the tour dates and stuff which is awesome and I’ve been working with a few other artists songwriting.”

A genuine smile lit up your face. “That’s really good to hear Calum,” you told him, “I’m glad.” You took another sip of your drink before asking, “How’s your family?”

“They’re good, as embarrassing as ever, but,” the bassist shrugged with a smile toying at his lips, “I still love ‘em to death.”

You nodded, trying to ignore the burning desire to beg him to tell you about everything you’d fallen behind on in the last year; everything you’d missed out on while enduring bitter mornings in which you only made coffee for one and evenings covered in an array of blankets with only the heat of your own body to keep you warm still stung like the wind against your neck on days when you forgot a scarf. You settled for, “How are Mali and her boyfriend?”

Calum grinned, his face glowing at the mention of his sister. “Actually, he just proposed two weeks ago.”

“Wow,” you choked out, trying to paste a believable smile across your lips because although you were ecstatic for Mali (someone you’d thought would one day be your sister-in-law), you couldn’t help but want to cry at the fact that such a significant event had happened without you even knowing. You thought you’d be right beside Calum when such things occurred, sharing his joy instead of hearing about. “That’s great,” you managed to tack on, though you could tell from the clench of the brunette’s hand around his cup of coffee that he heard the falter in your voice.

Another bout of silence passed, a few sips and moments of people watching dragging on before you cleared your throat and dared yourself to hold Calum’s gaze. “Thank you for coming, I’m really glad you made time to see me.”

The brunette smiled sadly. “Even if every waking minute of my schedule was planned, I still would’ve made time for you, Y/N. You know that.”

Laughing (though it sounded more like choking to be completely honest), you brushed a tear from just beneath your eyelid with your thumb before fluffing your hair and throwing it over your shoulder; a nervous tick Calum always seemed to pick up on.

“So,” he started, his eyes following his finger as it moved the little droplets of condensation from his beverage across the shiny surface of the table. “Why did you want to meet me here?”

You swallowed around the lump in your throat, knowing Calum already knew the answer but was daring you to say it aloud and sober; the only times he’d heard it since last December - when you’d left him cold and alone in New York - were drunk muttered rumblings along the lines of “today was the first family gathering I’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and I had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures I took of you to feel okay again.”

“I miss you,” you stated, trying to catch Calum’s eye but accepting his refusal to meet it before continuing. “I know… I know I fucked up.” You gazed at the ceiling of the coffee shop, the patterns of flashing lights and brief bursts of colors reflecting from passer bys while blinking tears out of your eyes. “I was so scared,” you whispered, “Because what we originally started was just for fun and then,” you paused, “And then it got a little more serious and I was okay with that. And then September, do you remember that?” you asked, laughing through your tears and almost shivering when Calum reciprocated your watery smile. “That was the first time I let you see me cry and, gosh,” you stated, rubbing at your nose, “Look at me now.” You heaved a sigh. “And then, I fell in love. And I got scared. And I just…” you shrugged. “I ran away. And I’m sorry.”

You watched Calum, noting how much more defined his jawline was and the accumulation of stubble that’d grown on over his neck, cheeks, and chin. His hair was a little bit shorter than the last time you saw it in person but it appeared as if he’d kept up his curly style; your absolute favorite look on him. The brunette’s lips were a bit chapped but his brown skin still possessed a radiance you’d always told him you were jealous of; loving to watch him blush and try to hide his grin by shoving his face into your chest.

After another moment of silence, you added, “I’ve tried to move on, but no one is you,” before biting your lip so you couldn’t continue.

Calum sighed, a gust of air filling and expelling from his lungs before he pressed his elbows onto the table and said, “It wouldn’t be easy, you know?”

You nodded.

“Like, it’d be really hard for me to trust you again.”

Again, you nodded.

“But,” Calum shrugged, a small smile adorning his lips. “I don’t think… with time, it would be impossible.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” you asked, trying to calm your racing heart in case you were totally reading into the brunette’s words.

Calum shrugged, “I guess that’s up to you… Do you still like that restaurant down on 5th?”

You grinned before forcing your lips into a coy smirk. “Only if you’re buying.”

The brunette laughed, the melodious tinkle defrosting your cold, frozen heart. “Well of course, I always pay on the first date, dontcha know?”